


I Wanna Know What Love Is

by loganmai



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Autism Spectrum, Blood and Gore, Courtroom Drama, Depression, Disability, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Guns, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Murder, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Suicide Attempt, Physical Disability, Police investigation, Suicidal Thoughts, dating abuse, fear of dogs, horrible parents, past self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2018-12-27 01:40:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 50,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12071064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loganmai/pseuds/loganmai
Summary: Mikey is Frank's best friend, and when his parents send his little brother Gerard to live with him, Mikey hopes Frank and Gerard will hit it off. What Mikey doesn't know is how lonely the two men really are, and when tragedy strikes, how close they will become.





	1. Chapter 1

My phone buzzed and I slid it out of my pocket, taking my earbuds out to answer. “Hey.”

“Hey Frank,” Mikey said quietly, his tone exhausted. “What's goin’ on?”

I wandered over to the nearest bench and sat down. “I just finished work, I was in the middle of my run. You okay?”

Mikey sighed loudly. “My parents just kicked out my younger brother and he's come to stay with me.”

I blinked and ran a hand through my hair. “You have a younger brother?”

He sighed again and hummed affirmation. “Yeah. He's nineteen, and I love him to bits, but he's kinda hard work. I'm sorry I've not mentioned him before, but he's been living with my parents and...it didn't ever really come up.”

I rubbed the bridge of my nose lightly and shrugged to myself. “That's okay. You want me to come over for a bit? We could watch movies and stuff.”

Mikey hesitated for a second or two. “Yeah, okay. That would actually be really great. I've just...I've gotta warn you that Gerard is really shy. He's not great in social situations so it might be a bit awkward.”

I chuckled softly and shook my head. “What? Like you?”

“No, more so than me,” Mikey answered evenly. “I'll order pizza at five, you should come over then.”

“Alright. See ya soon.”

“Mhm.”

I plugged my earbuds back into my phone and shoved them in my ears again. It had started to rain again, thin sheets of light, useless drizzle. I got up from my bench and took a deep breath, setting off again quietly. I left my earbuds in, but didn't put any music on, enjoying the slap of my blades hitting the ground and the wind on my face. The rain started to fall harder, morphing into a downpour, the sounds of the rain hitting the track mixing with my footfalls. 

I did a couple laps before I decided the track was too wet and slippery, and jogged back to the locker rooms. I opened my locker and tugged out my big duffle bag, setting it down next to the bench. 

I heard footsteps and looked up as Pete walked over. “Hey, Frank! You want a hand?”

I smiled at my coworker and shrugged. “It couldn't hurt.”

I sat down on the bench and Pete knelt down, rolling the sleeve up my leg and removing the prosthetic from the socket with the ease of practice. I did the same, setting my blades aside and quickly slipping the sleeves and liners off. “Could you pass me the towel?”

Pete tossed it to me, getting out two dry liner and sleeve sets. “Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah, it was fine. I had a new client today and apparently they requested a new trainer because I don't have legs.”

Pete chuckled and rolled his eyes. “You do have legs, they're just really short.”

“I know, right?” I grinned, shaking my head. “I even have  _ knees _ , like what more could you want?”

I finished drying my legs and slipped the first liner on, then the sleeve. Pete passed me my normal prosthetic and I fitted it on, then rolled the top of the sleeve down. “How was your day?”

Pete groaned softly. “It's not over yet. Jason roped me into doing a spin class.”

I wrinkled my nose, repeating the routine with my other leg before drying off my blades with the towel. “Seriously? That's horrible, I'm sorry. You'll be good at it, though.”

He rolled his eyes and shrugged, moving to sit on the bench as I got up, slipping my shirt and basketball shorts off. 

“Whatever. I still don't wanna do it,” he mumbled, looking away politely as I swapped my boxers. “It's better than getting drenched though.”

“Ugh. I hate wet clothes,” I grumbled, pulling on a dry shirt and a pair of regular jeans. I stuffed my wet clothes into a plastic bag and tied it off, then dropped it into my duffle bag. “I should probably get going, I'm meeting Mikey soon.”

“Nice. Am I gonna get to meet him someday?”

I rolled my eyes and shot Pete a look. “He's taken right now, Pete. But maybe when he's single again I'll introduce you guys.”

He sighed and shook his head fake sadly. “I'm never gonna find a boyfriend.”

I just rolled my eyes and zipped my bag, then shrugged my raincoat on and grabbed my car keys. “Yes you will. Bye, Pete. Have a nice spin class.” 

He stuck his tongue out at me childishly. 

~

Mikey swung the door open and smiled at me. “Hey, Frank! You look like a drowned rat, c’mon in! You uh...gotta take your shoes off, Gerard doesn't like shoes in the house, I dunno.”

I chuckled and shrugged. “S’fine. I've got socks on anyways.”

Mikey nodded slightly and stepped back to let me in. I took my shoes off carefully, tugging my socks back up so they wouldn't fall off. 

“You want a drink of anything?” He asked, heading off towards the kitchen. 

“Uh, a beer would be nice.”

“Sure.”

I followed him slowly, a little uncertain, but as I passed the living room, I noticed a figure curled up in one of the armchairs. I hesitated, glancing towards the kitchen, then slipped into the living room instead, smiling as the man lifted his head to look at me. 

He was what I could only describe as pretty, with a round face but defined jaw. His eyebrows arched perfectly and his eyes were big and beautifully shaped. He smiled at me shyly and I smiled back.

“Hey. I'm Frank, I'm Mikey's friend.”

_ This has to be Gerard, right?  _

He didn't say anything, just smiling a little wider before ducking his head back to what he was doing. He had a pencil in one hand and what I assumed to be a pad of paper leaning against his knees. I couldn't easily see from this angle. 

His long-ish black hair kept falling into his eyes and he brushed it away each time with a sort of irritated sigh. 

“Gerard, this is Frank,” Mikey announced as he walked in, handing me a glass of beer. “Frank, that's Gerard, my younger brother.”

Gerard didn't seem to notice Mikey, continuing with his drawing quietly. Mikey rolled his eyes fondly and walked over, setting a glass of orange juice down on the table next to the armchair. “Gerard, come on,” he said softly, possibly assuming I couldn't hear him. “I know you don't like this kind of situation, but Frank is really nice and I'm sure he really wants to talk to you. He likes music, too.”

Gerard blinked and lifted his head slowly, glancing at me nervously before looking back to his brother. Mikey gently took the pad and pencil from him, setting them aside but still within his reach. “Talk to him, Gee.”

Gerard took a deep breath and glanced at me again, then down at his hands. 

It suddenly struck me how alike the two brothers were in that moment, with them standing together. 

At first glance, they looked nothing alike, with Gerard's jet black hair and hazel eyes, and Mikey's dirty blond hair and brown eyes, but once I looked a little closer, I could see similarities. Gerard was like a softer version of Mikey, with a rounder face and a slightly more plump figure. 

Mikey stood up suddenly, shaking me out of my thoughts. “I'm gonna go find some DVDs, I'll be back.”

He walked out, squeezing my shoulder on the way. I sighed and sat down on the couch, glancing at Gerard as he stared longingly at his pad. 

“So you like music?”

Gerard jumped and glanced at me, then away again. “Yeah, I do..”

“That's cool,” I smiled, trying to sound encouraging. “What kind of music do you like?”

He smiled to himself, shrugging, but didn't lift his gaze from his lap. “I like all kinds. But I like punk and rock best.”

I nodded, rolling my sleeve up to show him my Black Flag tattoo. “Me too, that's awesome.”

Gerard giggled - fucking  _ giggled  _ \- and nodded. “I wish I could get a tattoo.”

“Well, why don't you?” I asked, shrugging and trying to push away thoughts of how goddamn adorable that laugh was. “They're not that expensive.”

Gerard's smile faded slightly and I immediately felt guilty as he looked away. “I'm scared of needles.”

I wrinkled my nose slightly and shook my head. “You don't really see them all that much, to be honest. Maybe sometime I could take you, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think.”

His smile crept back and he glanced at me again. “How many tattoos do you have?”

I chuckled softly. “I lost count a while ago, to be honest with you.” 

“I like tattoos. It's like...art on your body.” 

He was smiling shyly again, making eye contact with me for only a couple seconds before looking away. 

“You're an artist, huh?” I grinned, gesturing to the pad. “What would you get tattooed if you got one?”

Gerard drew his shoulders up and held them there for a couple seconds before dropping them again, in a very slow shrug. “I don't know.”

“Ah, well, my first was this jack o lantern like at the base of my neck at the back, and it sucked as a first tattoo, cause I couldn't see it without a mirror. So if you do get one, especially if you're only planning to ever get one, then you should pick somewhere you can see easily.”

Gerard nodded slightly and jumped a little when the doorbell rang. 

“I got it!” Mikey called from the kitchen.

“You hungry?” I asked Gerard, smiling at him. He laughed again, this time wrinkling his nose slightly. 

“Yeah, I'm always hungry.”

The front door closed and Mikey called out. “Come get food!”

Gerard got up quickly, hurrying past me and into the kitchen. As he passed me, I caught the scent of vanilla and lavender, and warmth. I smiled to myself and wandered after him, walking into the kitchen calmly. Gerard hurried past me again with a plate, and this time all I could smell was pizza. Mikey smiled at me as I walked in, and handed me a plate. “Lactose free and veggie. It seems like you're doing okay with Gerard..”

I shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. “He's a bit...odd. Very sweet.” 

Mikey nodded and sighed. “He's such a nice person...but uh...he's on the spectrum, so sometimes things get a bit difficult.”

I blinked, confused. “What spectrum? I dunno what you mean.”

Mikey looked surprised for a second, staring at me blankly. “Oh...sometimes I forget people don't always know what that means. He's um. He's on the autistic spectrum.”

I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose. “I know literally nothing about autism, Mikes.” 

He shrugged and smiled at me. “There's not much you need to know, to be honest. Not to interact with Gerard. He's just a bit awkward and shy and he uh...doesn't like touching much.”

I nodded slightly and looked down at my pizza. “He's cute.”

Mikey chuckled and nodded. “He is.”

I lifted my head and narrowed my eyes at my best friend. “Are you trying to set me up with your brother now?”

Mikey had been trying to find me a boyfriend for almost a year now, ignoring my protests that I didn't need or want one. I'd gone along with it all to humor him, but it could get a little annoying. 

He grinned and shook his head. “No, not in that sense. I am trying to set Gerard up with some friends over here, though. He left his only two friends in West Virginia and he misses them a lot, I think. He's not good at making friends, and I know you're a really nice person and that you guys share a lot of interests. You don't have to be his friend if you guys don't get along, but it would be nice if you did, y'know?”

I nodded and shrugged. “He seems cool so far. He likes music and tattoos, so..”

Mikey dished himself up a couple slices of pizza. “Yeah. He can talk for hours about the things he's interested in. He likes art, music, and baking. Those are his big three, but I don't think he's so into baking anymore. Oh, and he knows basically everything there is to know about cats.”

I nodded slightly, then shook my head. “I know  _ nothing  _ about cats.”

“Me neither.”

Mikey smiled at me and squeezed my shoulder gently. “We'd better go sit down and find a movie..” 

~

Gerard had already eaten most of what had been on his plate when Mikey and I walked in. I took my spot on the couch and Mikey walked over to Gerard, leaning down and brushing his hair behind his ears gently. “What movie d’you wanna watch, Gee?”

Gerard looked away slightly, color rising in his pale cheeks. “Uh. A horror movie?”

He glanced at me and I shrugged. “I don't mind.”

Mikey blinked and tilted his head slightly. “But you'd be on your own in the armchair,” he said very softly. Indecision suddenly clouded Gerard's eyes and he sighed. “Superhero movie.”

Mikey nodded slightly and looked over at me. “Is that alright?”

I shrugged and smiled brightly. “I really don't mind. I don't mind moving, either, if you want the couch, Gerard.” 

There was a short pause and then Gerard got up, glancing at me pleadingly. I nodded and stood up as well, letting him sit down on the couch and taking the armchair instead. Gerard finished off his food before Mikey started the movie, so he set his plate on the coffee table and curled up, drawing his knees to his chest. I started eating my now lukewarm pizza as the movie titles started, settling back happily. 

 

I kept somewhat of an eye on Gerard while the movie was running, curious about the whole switching seats thing. He didn't sit overly close to Mikey, but every now and then, he'd just grab onto him gently and cling until the scary bit was over. Most of the time, he stared at the screen in complete focus, chewing on the skin around his thumbnail lightly. Mikey glanced at me every now and then, and I smiled at him. He seemed worried about the whole situation of having me over while Gerard was there, and it made sense if he wanted me to be a friend to his brother as well. 

As soon as the movie finished, Gerard jumped up and walked out of the room quickly. Mikey rolled his eyes fondly and started to clear up the plates, so I got up as well and helped as best I could. 

“Where did Gerard go?” I asked as I helped Mikey fit the leftover pizza in the fridge. 

“Oh, he's really big on routine and it's his bedtime. He likes to do the same things every day at the same time, it helps him feel stable. I'll have to go and say goodnight in a minute, but uh...you can hang out for a bit longer if you like,” he answered with a soft smile, closing up the dishwasher. 

“Yeah, it would be nice to stay for a while.”

There was a muffled shout of ‘Mikey!’ and the older Way rolled his eyes again. “I’ll be right back, Frank, I'm sorry.” 

 

I was sitting on the couch when Mikey wandered back in, looking a bit harassed. “Sorry, Frank, Gerard isn't having one of his best days, he's a bit-” Mikey waved a hand vaguely as he threw himself down next to me. “Panicky.”

“What was he panicking about?”

Mikey snorted and shook his head. “I'm not even sure. I think it was probably having you over, but like...in a good way. Look, Gerard had a rough time in school and things and he was made fun of a lot. His first boyfriend dumped him after a week and told him that he was unlovable…” Mikey dragged his hands down his face, sighing softly. “When he meets someone he likes, even just platonically, he gets a bit jittery and overanalyses what he does and says and it sometimes gets him a bit panicky. That's all.”

I blinked and watched as Mikey ducked his head, looking down at his hands. “Wow. That kid he dated was an asshole.”

Mikey chuckled sadly and shrugged. “Yeah. He hasn't had the courage to be romantic with anyone since. But yeah…” He shot me a grin. “He thinks you're cute.”

I grinned back and nodded. “I am cute. And so is he.”

Mikey leaned against my side, resting his head on my shoulder. “I just wish I could make everything okay for him. He's perfect the way he is, y'know? He's a really really lovely person, but he's just met so many assholes that he's lost faith in the world. He thinks that everyone sees him as if he's just got ‘autistic’ tattooed across his face in bold letters.” 

I shrugged with the shoulder Mikey wasn't using as a pillow. “He just seems a bit different to me. A bit shy and a bit odd.”

Mikey smiled and rubbed one eye. “Yeah. He’s a good person.”

I nodded slightly and let silence fall for a while, just feeling Mikey's warmth against my side. 

“Why'd your parents kick him out?” I asked some time later. 

“Because he refuses to go to university and because they're assholes,” Mikey answered matter-of-factly. “Honestly, they just don't understand. They've never really accepted his differences and they've...they weren't around enough,” he finished sharply. I took a deep breath. 

“There's more to that story that you're not telling me,” I said flatly. Mikey groaned, sitting up stiffly. 

“I hate you and your telepathic tendencies. Yes, there's more. When Gerard was in high school, he was okay his freshman year, but then the whole thing with his boyfriend happened and the bullying got worse and he started drinking. And then he couldn't stop drinking, smoking, snorting. He stole money from me and our parents, and he...he was a complete wreck. I had to peel him off the sidewalk and hold his hair back while he detoxed, because no one else would. But our parents never even fucking noticed because they were too busy going on ‘business’ trips and to swinger parties. Gerard doesn't want to go to university because he's absolutely fucking terrified of falling back into that horrible place. He still smokes cigarettes and drinks coffee religiously, but he's doing okay, and he can't lose that.” 

I nodded and ran a hand through my hair slowly. “That makes sense. Can he not do an online course?”

Mikey smiled and shrugged. “I'm trying to convince him that it's worth it at the moment, but he's also setting up this art business and it's already doing really well, so he's not so open to suggestions.” 

“That's fair, I think. Sometimes you just gotta let them figure shit out on their own.”

“Yep. Anyway, how're things with you?” Mikey grinned, punching my shoulder gently. 

“Oh, the usual,” I mumbled quietly. “Dealing with shitty clients, running, nearly pissing my pants every time I walk home.”

Mikey blinked and I chuckled softly. “One of the people on my road has gotten a new dog, it's like a big Labrador thing and every time I walk past it’s outside and barking really loudly.” 

He pulled a sympathetic face and rubbed my shoulder lightly. “Do you want me to go and beat them up?”

“No, next time the dog isn't around I'll go and knock on the door and explain. I doubt they'll listen, though.”

“Do you still dream about it?”

I shook my head, looking down at my hands. “No, I haven't for a few years. It's nice not to think about it.”

“Oh. Sorry, I-”

“You're fine,” I interrupted gently, touching Mikey's knee lightly. “You didn't know.”

He sighed and pulled me into a loose hug. “I'm still sorry for bringing up bad memories, Frankie.”

“Mikey?”

The voice was shaky and soft, but definitely Gerard's, and definitely made me jump. Mikey let go of me and pulled away, turning slightly to look over the back of the sofa at his brother, who was wrapped in a blanket, his hair messed up and his eyes a bit red. 

“Hey, Gee. What's up?”

Mikey patted the couch in between me and him, sliding over so Gerard could sit down. He immediately curled up against Mikey's chest, ducking his head slightly. “Can’t sleep.”

Mikey sighed softly and kissed the top of his brother’s head. “Why not?”

“Dunno.”

I smiled slightly and shrugged. “Have you tried reading? Counting sheep?”

Gerard nodded, but didn't look at me. Mikey took a deep breath and gently patted Gerard's side. “Go get back in bed, I'll be there soon.”

Gerard got up and shuffled off dejectedly and Mikey stared at me sadly. I smiled. 

“It's alright, Mikes. He needs you and I understand, I'll head for home.”

“Thank you so much, Frank. Thank you..” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not autistic and this is my first time attempting to write an autistic character. Please feel free to give me some feedback, positive or negative! I'd hate to be getting something major completely wrong <3  
> Logan


	2. Chapter 2

“Frank?”

I looked up at Jason, frowning. “What? I'm in the middle of a training session here.” 

“I know, but there's someone here asking for you, he says it’s kind of an emergency. I can take over for a bit.”

I nodded and hurried over to the front desk, blinking when I saw Mikey. “Mikes?”

He winced and nodded. “Hi, look. Um, my new boss dicked around with my shifts and he moved them so my lunch is different. I normally meet Gerard for lunch, and he’ll be really upset and thrown off if there isn't someone there to meet him...I know it's a huge favor, but would you go with him? I'll pay for your lunch.”

I blinked and shrugged. “What time and where?”

“Twelve at Jake’s Cafe on fourth. Can you make it?”

I squinted for a couple seconds, then nodded. “Yeah, but only for an hour. Does he need walking home?”

“If you have time, you're a lifesaver, Frankie. Thank you so much!” Mikey grinned in relief, flinging his arms around my neck and hugging me tightly. “I promise he and I will have a chat and you won't have to do it again, I just didn't find out until this morning, and-”

“Mikey, it's fine,” I soothed, pulling away from the hug carefully. “Really. I like Gerard, he seems nice. It's not a big deal and you don't have to pay. I promise.”

~

Pete buzzed around me as I swapped to my blades. “You're wearing those to lunch?”

I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. “Why not? I can run there, it'll be quicker than taking the car..”

I stood up, zipping up my bag and putting it in my locker carefully. “Was that Mikey who came in this morning, then?”

I chuckled and nodded, shutting my locker door. “Yes, Pete. It was.”

“He's hot.”

“Whatever.”  

Pete grinned at me and checked his watch pointedly. “You're gonna be late.”

“Fuck off, Wentz.”

~

I pushed the cafe door open and immediately felt the stares, but scanned my eyes over the tables until I saw Gerard. He was watching me with a sort of innocent interest I found rather endearing. 

I walked over and pulled the chair out across from him, sitting down carefully. “You okay, Gee?”

He broke eye contact quickly, looking down at his lap. “Mhm. Thanks for being here.”

His voice was softer than before, a little more nervous.

“That's alright,” I hummed, glancing around the room. “I've never been here before.”

“I come here every Wednesday with Mikey.”

I nodded slightly and ran a hand through my hair, shooting a brief glare at a woman who was pointing at me. She glared back and I flipped her off. When I looked back at Gerard, he was staring at me, mouth open slightly. I sighed and shrugged. 

“I'm used to it, but it doesn't make it any less disrespectful.”

He surprised me with a soft smile. “I understand. Sometimes when I get panicky in public, people stare.” 

I smiled back and shrugged again. “You just have to ignore them as best you can, I think, but it's hard sometimes.”

Gerard looked down at the table, nodding slightly. 

I let the conversation pause while I glanced over the menu, then looked up as a waitress came to the table. “What would you like to drink?”

“Uh, I'll just have a water. What would you like, Gerard?”

He blinked, swallowing hard and not lifting his head. “Coffee, please.” 

She nodded and hurried off and I smiled at Gerard in as friendly a way as I could manage. “Mikey said you like to draw, is that right?”

He bit his lip lightly. “Yeah, I do.”

“That's cool, he said something about an art business too, how's that all work?”

Gerard made eye contact for only a brief second or two before looking away again. “I have a website and a Facebook page and stuff, and people see my art and I sell some of it and some of it’s by commission. Mikey helped me a lot, with understanding all the social media accounts I have and everything.”

I grinned and rubbed the bridge of my nose lightly. “What's the most you've sold something for?”

“Fifteen hundred.”

I blinked and nodded. “Well that's amazing, Gerard, I hope you're really proud of yourself.”

He started to chew his thumb lightly, just nodding in answer. 

“Am I making you anxious in some way?” I asked as gently as I could, laying my hands down on the table. Gerard gulped and shrugged, looking to the side. 

“If there's something I'm doing that's making you uncomfortable or panicky, I'd rather you told me so I could fix it,” I added quietly, slipping my hands under the table. Gerard smiled very slightly and shook his head. 

“I just wish you wouldn't talk to me like I'm a child.”

I blinked at the bluntness of the response, but chuckled softly and leaned forward a little. “I'm sorry, Gerard. I don't do it intentionally, and I don't see you as a child, I'm just not sure how to best help you be comfortable in conversation with me. You still seem nervous.”

He shrugged and looked down. “I'm just not good at-”

“No, it's not that,” I interrupted gently. “It's not that you're not good at conversations, you're just a little shy, and that's okay. I just want to try and find something to talk about that will interest you and make you happy.”

Gerard blushed and rocked himself a couple times, his gaze shifting almost constantly for a few seconds. “Th-thanks.”

“It's no problem,” I soothed, leaning on the table slightly. “What do you wanna talk about?”

“What happened to your legs?” Gerard blurted out immediately, suddenly making eye contact with me again. 

I pulled a face and shrugged. “I had to have them amputated when I was in high school. I was on a camping trip with my friends at this site that was kind of far away from home. I basically got attacked by this big dog that had gotten loose from someone else's camp, and it bit my legs really badly, but uh...I didn't have health insurance and I didn't have much money growing up, so we just drove home instead of going to the hospital. The bites got infected and I had to have below the knee amputations. I was really sick for a while, too, it was pretty scary. But I'm okay now, I can walk just fine and everything.” 

Gerard nodded, looking down at the table again and shifting slightly in his seat. The waitress came over and set our drinks down, then asked us for our food order. 

Once she’d gone, Gerard looked at me again. “Does it hurt?”

“Sometimes, I take pain meds at the moment because I get a lot of back pain and sometimes I have issues with like…phantom limb. Mikey and I are gonna do the mirror thing sometime, to get rid of that..” 

He smiled and nodded slightly. “I've heard of that..”

There was another short pause and I took a sip of my water, watching Gerard stir his coffee. 

“So if you could have your dream job, what would it be?”

Gerard glanced up briefly, shrugging. “Probably selling my art. Or singing. What would you do?”

I hesitated, watching as Gerard delicately tapped the spoon on the edge of the cup and placed it onto the saucer. “Um. I like what I do now, but I'd love to have a career with music. That would be pretty cool.” 

Gerard giggled again and wrinkled his nose slightly. “We could make a band together.”

I grinned and nodded. “That would be awesome! I'm sure we could rope Mikey in too.”

Gerard smiled brightly, staring directly into my eyes for a few seconds before his smile faded slightly and he dropped his gaze to his coffee. “I'd like that.”

“So do you play any instruments or do you just like to sing?” I asked, desperate to keep the conversation going and that beautiful smile on his face. 

Gerard took a long sip of his coffee, then set the cup down and traced his finger around in patterns on the table. “I play piano, but that's it. And I don't really play so much anymore..”

“Why’s that?” I pressed gently. Gerard smiled sadly and shrugged. 

“My parents had a piano but they didn't like it when I played. They said I should be doing more useful things.”

I sighed and shook my head slightly. “Gerard, I don't think your parents were all that nice to you. Just because they didn't like it doesn't mean you shouldn't be doing it. They're just sad people and they should enjoy your music.”

He opened his mouth to reply just as the waitress walked over, setting down our plates. He smiled slightly, glancing at me before picking up his knife and fork. 

~

Once the bill was paid, I walked Gerard out of the building. 

“I don't need to be walked home, y'know,” he said quietly, looking down at the ground. “Mikey's a little too protective sometimes.”

“Yeah, I can guess he probably is,” I sighed, shoving my hands in my pockets. “But I have time, I'm perfectly happy to take you home if you want me to.”

“Um. Sure,” Gerard smiled at the sidewalk. I started to walk off and he hurried to catch up with me, blushing slightly. 

“So what have you got planned for the rest of the day?” I asked casually, glancing at Gerard as he walked next to me sedately. 

“I'm working on a commission at the moment.”

“That's cool,” I hummed, turning down a side street. “You'll have to show me some of your art sometime.”

“Uh, yeah..”

Gerard didn't say much else until I walked him up to the apartment block. He stopped outside and blinked at me. “Thanks for that, Frank. It was fun.”

“No problem.” I opened my arms to offer him a hug and he backed up a step quickly, shaking his head as he looked down. 

“Uh, no, sorry. I'm um. Not a touchy person.”

I put my hands back in my pockets and shrugged. “That's alright, Gerard. I hope you have a good afternoon.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's kind of short, but I will try and get one more up tomorrow, if I can remember. I probably won't have a real schedule on this one, just plan according to how much I have done.   
> Once again, any advice or ideas you might have are much appreciated! Thanks for reading! <3


	3. Chapter 3

Pete rolled over, throwing his arm over my waist and kissing the back of my neck softly. “Hey Frankie.”

I groaned and reached back, batting at his face gently. “Fuck off.”

Pete and I had a sort of Understanding. We were good friends and sometimes he'd come over and we'd make out and fuck and fall asleep together. He usually left before the morning, though. 

“You seemed super tired last night, I thought maybe you'd want some help this morning,” he murmured, sitting up and rubbing my side slowly. “Is everything alright?”

I sighed and buried my face in my pillow for a few seconds before answering him. “I'm just tired, Pete.”

He tugged on my arm gently. “You should get up, I can help you shower before I have to go home.”

“I don't need any fucking help.”

Pete hesitated, then leaned down and kissed my cheek softly. “Okay. I'll go.”

He got up and I immediately felt guilty, watching him get dressed. “Pete, I'm sorry, I just-”

“It's fine,” he soothed, flashing me a smile. “I know you don't like seeming weak, and that's okay. But you gotta learn to let people help sometimes..”

He walked over and leaned down, hugging me tightly and rubbing my back slowly. “Are you seriously gonna be okay or..?”

I sighed softly and nodded. “I'll be fine, Pete. You need to get to work, anyway.”

He stared at me for a few seconds. “Okay. But call me if you need anything. At least you have a day off, huh?”

I smiled slightly and Pete kissed my forehead. 

“Alright. I'll see you soon, Frankie.”

“Bye Pete. Thanks for keeping me company.”

~

I was just finishing my grocery shopping when I saw a familiar figure by the checkout. Gerard was on his own, his eyes fixed on the floor and the sleeves of his usual black hoodie were pulled down over his hands. He looked upset and shaky, and there wasn't much in his basket. “Gerard?”

I walked over and he flashed me a tiny, fake smile. “Hi, Frank.”

“Hey. Is everything alright? You look a bit shaken up,” I murmured, trying to catch his eye. His face was a little more pale than usual, his lips pursed slightly and his eyes worried and round. 

“Mikey isn't feeling well.”

I blinked and nodded. “Okay..”

I glanced down into his basket and sighed softly. He'd picked up a few bottles of water and some different medicines. “What kind of not well, Gee?”

He shuffled away from me slightly, clenching his jaw and swallowing hard. “Uh, he's been throwing up a lot.”

I sighed again and gently took his basket. “How about we go get some different drinks to go with that and some things for you for lunch? I’ll come and help you with Mikey if you're a bit overwhelmed. Do you have my number, Gee?”

Gerard was chewing his lip now, his hands shaking at his sides. “N-no.”

“Well I'll give it to you, and then you can call me when you need me. Come on..” I gently led him back down the drinks aisle, talking to him softly about anything else I could think of while I picked up a few more helpful things. 

By the time we were back in line at the checkout, he wasn't shaking anymore, and looked much less worried. I paid for my groceries and helped Gerard bag his, then led him out of the store. “Okay, we need to drop my stuff off at my apartment on the way, and then we’ll go see Mikey, okay?” I smiled, walking towards my car. “Did you drive here?”

“I walked,” Gerard mumbled, kicking at a rock lightly. “I don't have a license yet.” 

“That's okay,” I shrugged, opening the trunk and setting my grocery bags down inside. “I failed my test a couple times when I first took it.”

I opened the passenger door for Gerard and he hesitated slightly before getting in, immediately curling up on the seat. 

“Seatbelt,” I reminded gently as I got in behind the wheel. Gerard was too busy staring at my car. 

“Oh...yeah, um. Everything is controlled by hand,” I mumbled, patting the steering wheel gently. “Cause I can't use my feet.”

“It looks complicated,” he mumbled, ducking his head slightly to peer at it. 

I shrugged and leaned over, tapping his seatbelt buckle. “Not once you get used to it.”

He reluctantly did up his seatbelt and I nodded slightly before starting the car. 

~

Mikey was curled up in bed, shaking ever so slightly. I crouched down in front of him, smiling worriedly. “Hey, Mikes. I found your little brother in the grocery store, he looked a bit lost. Are you okay?”

“I think I just ate something bad,” Mikey rasped, but I sighed and placed a hand against his forehead. My best friend had a habit of believing he was fine when violently sick, and I knew it all too well. 

“Mikey, you're running a really high fever, I think I should take you to a hospital.”

He groaned and slapped my hand away gently. “I'm fine. Besides, we can't take Gerard to a hospital.”

“Why not?” I muttered, brushing Mikey's sweaty hair away from his face. “Mikey, you need to be looked at.”

“Because he’ll get upset. He hates hospitals and they make him really anxious. I can't put him through that for the flu or whatever is going on..” Mikey explained exasperatedly. “He's my responsibility.”

I sighed and rubbed my forehead with the heel of my hand. “You look like you're fucking dying, Mikey,” I snapped, gesturing vaguely. His skin was waxy and glazed with sweat, his hands were shaking, and his eyes were dull and didn't seem like their normal color. 

“What if I get my other friend to take you to the hospital while I stay with Gerard?”

“He’ll be really upset, he can’t-”

“It's better than taking him to the hospital and it's better than letting you get sicker. Gerard told me you haven't been feeling well for a couple days. You should have called me and he should have my number, Mikey.” I stood up slowly, rubbing Mikey's shoulder gently. “I'll call Pete, and I promise I'll take good care of Gerard. We’ll be fine.”

~

Gerard had locked himself in his room when Pete had come to take Mikey to the hospital. He’d seemed torn between wanting to stay with his brother and staying far away from the hospital. 

I walked down the hall slowly, knocking on the door lightly. “Hey, Gerard,” I called out softly. “I made some coffee and I found some chocolate Mikey had hidden. Do you wanna come out and have some with me? I'm worried about you.”

“I d-don't wanna leave.”

I ran a hand through my hair, leaning against the doorframe. “As in the room or..?”

“Yeah.”

“I can bring it to you, Gerard, it's no big deal. Would you like that?”

There was a short pause and the rustle of paper. “Sure.”

I hurried off immediately, grabbing a tray and tossing chocolate and two mugs of coffee onto it, then half running back to Gerard's door before he could change his mind. 

He unlocked it hesitantly and I smiled as it swung open. Gerard backed away quickly, then made a beeline for his bed, sitting down on the edge. I stepped inside and allowed myself a few seconds to take it all in. Every drawing and painting hung up on Gerard's walls looked like a window into a parallel universe, hyper realistic and stunningly colorful. 

“Wow..” I set the tray down on Gerard's desk, glancing over at him where he sat on the bed he clearly shared with a lot of stuffed animals. He was currently holding onto a stuffed cat that looked like it had seen a lot of years. I looked back at his desk as I stirred milk into my coffee, noting the large plastic vase filled with what looked like stress balls. 

“What are these for?” I asked, nodding to the vase as I carried Gerard's coffee over to him. He took it with a shy smile and shrugged. “I like squishing things when I feel nervous or upset. Or just generally. I like squishy stuff.” 

I grinned and picked up my own mug then sat down next to him, not too close. “That's cool. Squishy things are fun. Are you feeling a bit anxious now?”

Gerard nodded, swallowing hard. “I'm worried about Mikey.” 

I reached out slowly and brushed Gerard's hair behind his ear carefully. “He's gonna be okay, that's why Pete took him to the hospital, so he could get taken care of. And I trust Pete, he's a good person. He'll make sure Mikey's okay, I promise. So I can stay here and make sure you're okay.”

Gerard smiled slightly, taking a sip from his mug. I tried to brush my hand over his shoulder and he twitched away, so I gave up and put both hands on my mug instead. “I love your drawings, Gerard,” I complimented softly to break the silence. “They're really cool.”

“Thank you.” 

“How about we watch a movie for a bit?” I suggested gently. “It would keep your mind off things.” 

Gerard smiled to himself and nodded, taking a long gulp from his mug. “Okay.” 

 

Gerard was starting to get a bit scared. He'd asked that we watch a horror movie, but now he had his knees drawn up to his chest and kept jumping, shaking slightly in between frights. 

I did the cliche move of stretching and laying my arm over the back of the sofa, not touching him but just opening up my side for him to cuddle up to if he felt the need. 

There was another huge jump scare and Gerard practically fell against me, hiding his face in the collar of his hoodie. I chuckled and squeezed his shoulder very lightly and briefly. “It's alright, Gerard. You can hold onto me if you want.”

He peeked out over the top of his hoodie at the screen, squeaking softly and gently grabbing at my shirt. I let my forearm dangle behind his back, my upper arm remaining on the back of the sofa, so I was enclosing Gerard protectively without actually touching him. 

“You're okay, Gerard. You want me to turn it off?”

He shook his head quickly, shivering slightly as he watched the screen with rigid, fearful interest. 

When the movie finished about fifteen minutes later, I swapped the tv over to cartoons instead, noticing that Gerard was starting to fall asleep, his head nodding slightly. He was still leaning into my side, getting heavier by the second, so I drew a blanket around him. 

He purred sleepily at the sudden warmth and shifted unconsciously, resting his head on my shoulder. I smiled to myself and leaned my head against his, closing my eyes. 

 

_ I woke up to sun streaming through the window, splashing onto my pillow and sheets in puddles of gold. I yawned and shifted slightly, then felt an arm snake around my waist and a chest rising and falling against my back. “Pete?” I mumbled sleepily, rubbing the arm lightly.  _

_ There was a soft giggle and suddenly I felt fingers in my hair, combing through it slowly. “Oh, Frankie. You're silly,” Gerard’s voice murmured. “I'm not Pete..” _

_ He stroked down the curve of my back slowly, then gently pulled at my side. “C’mon. I wanna see your face..” _

_ I rolled over reluctantly, blinking at Gerard as he smiled at me warmly, making steady and consistent eye contact comfortably. He giggled again and laid a hand on my cheek, stroking his thumb under my eye. “You're so cute when you're sleepy, baby.” _

_ I felt the blush rising and Gerard leaned in, stroking his thumb over my cheekbone again as he slowly pressed his lips to mine, ever so softly. His hand slid into my hair and he started to kiss me harder, his fingers curling. I pulled away quickly and Gerard pouted at me, trailing a finger over my jaw and down my neck. “Don't you wanna kiss me, Frankie? I could come help you shower.”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like this! I'm gonna put 4 up tomorrow because I'm nice and I like the chapter :)   
> Please give me any more advice/corrections you come up with, it's been really interesting and helpful so far!   
> <3 <3 <3


	4. Chapter 4

I jolted awake, grabbing for my phone as it rang. Gerard whined softly and nuzzled my neck. I froze for a second, then winced and just answered the phone. 

“Hello?”

Gerard suddenly jerked away from me and I sighed, letting him go but glancing at him worriedly. He curled up against the arm of the sofa, pulling the blanket around so I couldn't see his face. 

“Hey, Frank,” Pete said quietly. “Mikey's okay, apparently he had a kidney infection? Not sure how that happened, but he's okay. They wanna keep him in overnight but say he should be good to go in the morning.”

“Great, thanks. That's really good news,” I hummed sleepily, rubbing my eyes. 

“Yeah. I'm gonna head for home now, he's out for the count, I think. Looks exhausted. Um. I'm happy to come pick him up in the morning, should I leave my number with the staff?”

I glanced at Gerard again and sighed. “Yeah, please. I may have to stay here tonight. I'll see you soon, Pete.”

“Okay, Frank. Bye.”

Pete hung up and I dropped my phone onto the sofa cushion, looking over at Gerard. “Gee? Mikey's okay,” I said softly. Gerard peeked over the blanket, staring at me for a couple seconds before shifting his gaze to my phone. 

“He's got a kidney infection apparently. I'm not sure how it happened but he's on medicine and everything. He's gonna stay in hospital overnight to make sure he's okay, but he’ll come home in the morning.” 

“Okay.”

Gerard shifted slightly, uncurling a bit and letting the blanket drop down so I could see his whole face. “I'm tired.”

“Then have another nap,” I suggested gently. “It's nearly four, what do you want for dinner? I could make something or I could order it, we could eat at five?”

Gerard shrugged and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “I don't mind. I'm not picky.”

“Alright. Why don't you go lie down for a bit? I'll come find you when dinner’s ready.”

~

I leaned in the doorway, my arms folded over my chest. Gerard was curled up in his bed, fast asleep and snoring softly, his face slack and his body completely relaxed. I hated the idea of waking him, but remembered that Mikey had mentioned he liked his bedtime routine and sighed to myself quietly. 

I dropped my hands to my sides and slowly walked over to the bed, leaning down. “Gerard?”

He barely even stirred. 

“Crap,” I mumbled, wincing as I reached out and shook his shoulder as gently as I could. “Gerard? Are you hungry?”

He let out a soft noise and nuzzled the pillow, then went still again. 

“Oh God,” I muttered, shaking his shoulder a little harder this time. “Gee, come on, it's dinner time..”

Gerard groaned quietly and tried to bat my hand away sleepily. “Go 'way, Mikey.”

“Dinner’s ready, Gerard,” I rushed out quickly, before he could drift off again. 

He opened one eye and looked up at me, then wrinkled his nose. “I'll be up in a minute.”

“Alright. I'll go dish up, Gee.”

I slipped out of the room to give him some privacy and headed into the kitchen, starting to scoop out the Chinese takeaway onto plates. I'd found a much-sharpied menu in the drawer, with little G’s and M’s next to different food items and taken a guess at what to order. 

I was just finishing up when Gerard walked in slowly, his hood pulled up over his hair. 

“You okay?” I asked, handing him the plate. He smiled at the food, walking around me to get a fork from the drawer. 

“Just sleepy.”

“Okay. Would you normally sit in the living room or at the table?”

Gerard yawned before answering. “Table,” he mumbled as he brushed past me to get to the kitchen table. I nodded to myself and grabbed a fork, then went and sat down across from Gerard. He'd already started to eat hungrily, clearly enjoying the food. 

“I hope I got the right things, there was writing on the menu..” 

Gerard nodded enthusiastically, shoving a large piece of orange chicken into his mouth. I chuckled softly and shook my head slightly, grinning as Gerard looked up at me with a slightly sheepish expression. 

I just shrugged and poked at my tofu. “I don't have any pieces that big, or I'd probably join you.”

He choked on a giggle and rolled his eyes, staring down at his plate as he chewed determinedly. He swallowed just as I filled my own fork with tofu and rice. “What does tofu taste like?”

I blinked, my mouth now full, and pushed my plate towards Gerard. He wrinkled his nose, peering at it suspiciously. I swallowed and shrugged. “It doesn't really taste of much, it's mostly the texture that's a bit odd.”

Gerard nodded slightly and speared a small piece with his fork, nibbling at it before eating the whole bit. “S’okay. Don't think I'd wanna eat a whole plate of it.”

I smiled and ran a hand through my hair slowly. “It's more of a sauce vessel than anything else.” 

Gerard waved his fork vaguely. “Protein source.”

“Mhm. That too.”

He smiled at me brightly. “Why are you vegetarian?”

I shrugged and looked down at my plate, mixing up the sauce, rice, and tofu absentmindedly. “I just don't really like the way animals are treated in the meat industry,” I answered softly. I'd normally get more passionate about the subject, but I had a feeling that it would upset Gerard. My gut wasn't always right, but I preferred not to risk it. 

“Oh,” Gerard mumbled, picking up a bit of chicken and staring at it. “Does it bother you when other people eat meat?”

I shook my head, then wrinkled my nose. “Only when it's like a really bloody steak or something.”

Gerard shuddered and shook his head vehemently. “I can't stand that either.” 

There was a brief pause in the conversation, and I was a little surprised that Gerard was the first to break the silence. 

“Mikey broke up with his boyfriend last week. He's always breaking up with guys.” 

I nodded slightly and sighed. “He picks the wrong type of guys, in my opinion.”

Gerard blinked at me. “He told me he dated you for a while.”

I chuckled and twirled my fork in my fingers, watching Gerard as he scooped up some rice. “Yeah, it was three years ago now, when I was twenty and he was nineteen.”

“Were you the wrong type of guy?” Gerard asked sharply. 

I looked at him for a few seconds, a little taken aback. “I like to think I wasn't. I loved him and I took care of him.”

Gerard nodded, swallowing his bite. “Did he dump you?”

“Yeah, I was really angry with him for a while. I thought it was because of my legs, but apparently it was because I didn't have a-” I cut myself off, chuckling softly. “I probably shouldn't tell you that, he is your brother, after all.”

Gerard giggled and shook his head, looking away slightly. “I'm curious now! Come on, I'm old enough, I can handle it.”

I rolled my eyes and pointed my fork at him fake threateningly. “Don't you tell your brother I said this. But uh, he dumped me because I didn't have a high enough sex drive. I preferred cuddling.”

Gerard stared at me for a couple seconds, then shook his head, going back to filling his fork. “My brother is an idiot. Cuddling is  _ so  _ much better than sex.”

I choked on my rice a little. “And you would know?”

He shot me a brief glare, then dropped his fork to pout at the table. “You don't have to be so rude..”

I sighed and reached out a bit, resting my hand on Gerard's side of the table. “I'm sorry, Gerard, I didn't mean to sound rude, but from what Mikey said, it didn't sound like you were very...experienced.”

Gerard pulled his hands off the table and placed them in his lap instead. “Mikey doesn't know everything. And I  _ hate  _ being talked about.”

I sighed, my heart sinking.  _ It’s been going so well. _

“I'm truly sorry, Gerard. He mentioned it on the first day I met you, and I wasn't entirely sure how to talk to you-”

“Like a normal fucking person.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I know that now, Gee. I do, but you have to understand it was an unfamiliar situation for me and I'm not a huge people person. You seemed so shy and nervous I didn't know if you'd be okay with me asking you questions, but now I know better. I know that you're really funny and sweet and really really fun to talk to..I'm so sorry for before, Gerard.”

He sniffed a bit and I rubbed the bridge of my nose shakily. I couldn't stand to see people cry. “Please don't cry, Gerard. I didn't mean to hurt you.”

He took a deep, shaky breath and picked his fork up again. “S’okay. You didn't know.”

I nodded slightly, immensely relieved. “I promise not to do it again.”

“Good. Cause it makes me feel like less of a person.” 

I winced and leaned back in my chair slightly. “Can I ask what romantic experience you've had that Mikey doesn't know about?”

Gerard smiled very slightly and only briefly, then shrugged. “I had another boyfriend in my senior year. He was really nice to me, actually. His name was Bert and he was so sweet. We used to go to the cinema a lot together, and we went all the way a couple times. He went off to university and we broke up then.”

I nodded slowly. “That sucks, but at the same time, it's really nice to have that experience. And I definitely agree with you. Cuddling is better than sex.”

Gerard grinned down at his plate, then lifted his head and his gaze met mine. I noticed the splash of color on his cheeks and felt my chest get all tight. 

“Do you like kissing, Gerard?”

The blush intensified and Gerard giggled shyly, quickly dropping his gaze back to the table. “Y-yeah..” 

I took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say next and shouting at myself in my head. _ Why the  _ fuck _ did you say that? _

“I'll go clear up,” he burst out after a couple awkward seconds of silence. I winced as he jumped up, frozen as he grabbed our plates and hurried into the kitchen. 

 

Gerard was loading the dishwasher when I slipped in, so I wordlessly started to pack up the leftovers, storing them in the fridge. I shut the door and turned, jumping a little when I came face to face with Gerard. 

“I'm sorry for what I said, if-”

Gerard reached up, smiling at me as he laid his hand against my cheek, his thumb running under my eye just as I'd dreamt. The moment was over in a split second and Gerard looked down, stuffing both of his hands in his hoodie pocket. “I like you, Frank.”

I swallowed hard, resisting the urge to pull the younger man into a tight hug. “I like you too, Gerard.”

He blushed again, his gaze shifting around the room, resting briefly on anything but me. “I like things slow.”

“That's okay, me too,” I reassured him softly. “Slow is good.”

Gerard grinned and stepped away, then walked out of the kitchen quietly. 

 

I tucked Gerard in and walked over to the doorway. “Goodnight, sleep well..”

He was already halfway there, and just smiled at me sleepily before I flicked the lights off and slipped out, closing the door behind me. I wandered into the living room and sat down on the couch, carefully starting to remove one of my prosthetics. 

I cleaned out the prosthetic itself, then the socket on my stump, sighing softly. I'd been wearing my prosthetics more than I would have at home and the skin was starting to get a little irritated. 

I rubbed some moisturizer in and did the same with my other leg, then slowly laid back on the couch. I turned the lamp off and pulled the blanket up to my chin, shivering a little before settling back into the cushions tiredly. 

I could hear Gerard singing softly to himself in his bedroom, and even though it was muffled, I could tell how beautiful his voice was. Laying there and listening to it, I felt at peace and soothed, and very quickly drifted off to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like this one, I do :)   
> <3 <3 <3 <3


	5. Chapter 5

“Frank?” Pete called, and I felt him shaking my shoulder. I groaned and shifted, starting to open my eyes. Pete was crouched down by the sofa, smiling at me worriedly. Gerard was standing nearby, and I suddenly realised the blanket had slipped down and he was now staring at my stumps. “Fuck!” 

I grabbed the blanket, throwing it over my legs frantically. Pete sighed and gently slapped my cheek. “Frank, focus a second. Mikey is in bed resting, Gerard wants you to stay here again today. I can call you in sick and take over for you if you want, but it's up to you.”

I glanced at Gerard, who was staring at his feet now. “I should probably stay here.”

Pete kissed my forehead and stood up. “I brought some clean clothes and things for you, there's a bag by the door, okay? I'll see you soon. And you, Gerard. Take care.”

Gerard smiled without looking up. “Bye.”

I groaned as soon as the door closed behind Pete and Gerard shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. 

“I wasn't staring..”

I sighed and sat up, careful to keep the blanket covering my legs. “Could you go get me the bag please Gerard?”

“You're angry with me.”

I took a deep breath and shook my head. “I'm not, Gerard, I'm just embarrassed. Please, I need-”

“Why are you embarrassed?” Gerard looked up, meeting my gaze suddenly and almost defiantly. 

“Because most people think my legs are ugly or disgusting or just generally make them uncomfortable.”

Gerard's eyes shifted back to the floor and he swallowed. “I don't think they're ugly,” he announced before quietly leaving the room. I sighed to myself and buried my face in my hands, already exhausted. 

I heard footsteps and Gerard set the bag down next to me, then sat down on my other side. “Do you need help?”

I winced and shook my head. “I'll be fine, Gerard, just..” I waved a hand vaguely and he sighed, getting up. “Go on, please, Gerard. At least while I change my boxers,” I mumbled. 

He nodded slightly and shut the door behind him as he walked out. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down as I wriggled out of my boxers and managed to tug the clean pair on. 

Just as I slipped my shirt off, Gerard walked in again, sitting down next to me once more. I did my best to ignore him, not entirely comfortable with him watching me change. 

I pulled on a shirt from the bag and then grabbed the clean liners and sleeves, carefully starting the process of fitting my prosthetics on. 

“Does it hurt?”

I almost jumped when Gerard spoke, and sighed softly. “What do you mean?”

“Does it hurt when you put them on?”

“No.” 

I fitted my first leg on and rolled the sleeve down, then did the same as Gerard watched with curious interest. I then stood up and started to put my jeans on, struggling a little to keep my balance. I managed it within a couple minutes and sat back down for a while, staring at nothing. 

Gerard touched my arm lightly. “Do you want any breakfast, Frank?”

I blinked and sighed, shaking my head. “No, I'm okay, Gerard. You should get something for yourself though, I'm gonna go check on Mikey.” 

 

My best friend still looked pale and sick, but some color was returning to his cheeks, and he was sleeping peacefully. I sat down on the edge of the bed and gently took his hand, squeezing lightly. He stirred and I froze, swearing to myself in my head and praying that he'd go back to sleep. Instead, he yawned and blinked up at me, smiling sleepily. “Hi, Frank.”

I smiled back and brushed my knuckles over his cheek. “Hey. You look better.”

“Good. How was Gee last night?” Mikey asked, his voice still rough and quiet. 

“He was just fine,” I murmured, shaking my head. “We had fun.” 

“Good.”

I squeezed Mikey's shoulder gently. “You need more rest, Mikes. I think you should try to get some more sleep.”

“Then why'd you wake me up, asshole?” Mikey shot back, glaring at me playfully. 

I just rolled my eyes. “I'm a year older than you, Mikey, go the fuck back to sleep or else.”

“Or what? You gonna beat me up with one of your legs?”

I grinned and shook my head, tugging the blanket further up Mikey's body. “You never know. It's probably a super good weapon.” 

He smiled at me sleepily and I leaned over, stroking his cheek again lightly. “I'll come check on you around lunchtime, okay? Sleep well.” 

 

Gerard was curled up on his side on the sofa, watching cartoons. I smiled at him, but he didn't seem to notice me, so I walked over and gently touched his shoulder. “Gee?”

He blinked at me and I brushed a lock of his hair out of his face. “Did you have some breakfast, Gerard?”

He rubbed his eyes, sitting up slowly. “Mhm. I made some for you, s’in the fridge.”

“Okay, thanks Gerard,” I murmured, running a hand through my hair as he hung his head slightly. “Are you feeling alright?”

Gerard nodded slightly and got up. “I'm gonna..I'm gonna go work.”

I sighed and shrugged. “Alright. Let me know if you need anything.”

~

By the time I went home at the end of the day, I was completely exhausted. Mikey had slept most of the day and Gerard had worked for a lot of it, but there was always so much to do when either of them surfaced. 

I unlocked the door to my apartment and slipped inside, dumping my bag by the door. I took my shoes off and walked into my bedroom, gasping softly. “Fuck...Pete, you terrified me.”

He grinned from my bed, waving lazily. “Hey. I thought you could use some company tonight.”

I nodded and leaned down, kissing him softly. “Thanks, Pete. I was gonna make quorn lasagne for dinner, is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, that sounds good actually. You want some help?”

I sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. “I just wanna lie down for a week. It was so stressful.”

Pete stroked his hands down my back slowly and soothingly. “I'm sorry, Frankie. What was so stressful about it?” He pressed gently, starting to rub my lower back expertly. 

“Hmm. I dunno, exactly. I really like Gerard, he's a really fun person to talk to, but when he feels like...nervous and stuff, he really clams up and it's stressful for me because I want to help him and I don't know how..”

Pete tutted softly, working his way up my spine slowly. 

“And because Mikey's sick, Gerard gets even more anxious...and I had to take care of Mikey...and Mikey kept telling me things like ‘oh you can't let Gerard use the knives’ or whatever and Gerard's just fine, he's not an idiot, he knows how to use a knife...just...ugh..”

I dragged my hands down my face and looked down at Pete with a sigh. “Mikey was trying to get me to babysit and he doesn't need babysitting, y'know? And of course Gerard heard Mikey talking about it and got upset with him, so I had to deal with that. Mikey was up and walking around by the end of the day, though. He kind of told me to go home, he said he knew I was stressed and it was gonna be fine cause he was up...but I gave Gerard my number in case of an emergency.”

Pete smiled and gently took one of my hands, kissing my knuckles lightly. “Frankie, you did really well today and now you deserve to relax and de-stress. Gerard or Mikey will call if they need you. Don't go worrying, I know what you're like. Come on, take your prosthetics off and have a lie down on the couch while I make dinner. Then I'll help you to bed and give you a proper massage, alright?”

I chuckled softly and leaned down, kissing his cheek. “How much will it cost?”

Pete rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. “Well I usually charge sixty per sports massage session, so how about one twenty?”

I grinned and he tugged me down into a soft kiss. “Nah, for you, it's free.”

I smiled and Pete slipped out of bed, revealing his plaid pajamas, and gently pulled me to my feet. “Come on..” 

I let him lead me into the living room, holding his hand loosely. “So you said you really like Gerard, is that like..?”

I winced and shrugged. “You know me, I can never work out my own feelings,” I hummed as I sat down on the couch. “But I think he's really cute and I wanna like...squish him. I wanna curl up with him and cuddle all day. He's so adorable, Pete. And when he's relaxed with me, he's super funny and a really good conversationalist.”

Pete knelt down to start taking off my right prosthetic, so I started on the left. 

“He's not really your type, Frankie, I'm surprised.”

I shrugged and carefully unfitted my leg from the socket. “Me too. But I think he's cute with a little extra tummy. More squishable and cuddly.”

Pete nodded and took a baby wipe from the pack on the coffee table, wiping down my leg with gentle fingers. “I'm gonna miss you if you end up with someone,” he commented quietly. I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair slowly, then traced my fingertips down over his cheek and lifted his chin slightly. “Mikey's single, but he goes through boyfriends like there's no tomorrow.” 

Pete chuckled and shrugged. “He seems sweet. Maybe I'll ask him when he's feeling better.”

I leaned down and pecked Pete's lips before dropping my hand back into my lap and letting him clean my other leg. 

“I don't think anything is gonna happen with Gerard anytime soon, anyway. He's so shy and I don't think he's done much dating.” 

Pete smiled and kissed my knee lightly before reaching for the moisturizer. “Aw. He is really cute, though, and you guys would make a sweet couple.  Maybe you could punk him up a bit, though.”

I snorted and shook my head slightly. “He wants a tattoo but he's scared of needles.”

Pete smeared the cream around my sockets, rubbing it in soothingly with his thumb. “Eh. He’ll probably get over that, and if not, who cares?”

I smiled and rubbed the bridge of my nose lightly. “Exactly.”

Pete stood up, handing me the tv remotes. “There ya go, all set. Shout if you need anything. The recipe will be in the drawer, right?”

I nodded and Pete pecked my lips before walking off quietly. 

 

Pete was kneeling over me, his knuckles kneading into my back gently. “That's it, Frankie. Try and relax..”

I sighed softly and tried to push myself up. “This isn't working, Pete.”

“Okay, okay, I have a better idea,” he chuckled, shifting off of me and kissing the back of my shoulder. 

“Does it involve-”

“A butt plug? Yes.”

I rolled my eyes and Pete grinned at me.

 

“Mm, much more relaxed, Frankie..” Pete purred, running a finger down my spine slowly. I chuckled softly and nuzzled my pillow. “It's just that I'm feeling a bit left out now..”

He knelt down by my head and I pushed myself up by my arms, opening my mouth obediently as I forced down the rising nausea. Pete guided my head down and I felt my nose press against his stomach lightly as he slid all the way back with ease. His fingers suddenly tightened and I closed my eyes as he pulled at my hair lightly.

Soon enough, he was forcing my head up and down as well as fucking my face, shuddering and twitching as bitter precum slid down my throat. I braced myself for his load, glad of his warning moans before he pushed my head down as far as it could possibly go and began to cum, filling the back of my throat with sticky salty liquid. 

“Good boy, Frankie. Good boy,” Pete purred, stroking my hair back from my face. “I'll go get a rag to clean up.”

I glared after his retreating back, licking my lips unconsciously. I hated blowjobs with a volcanic passion, but Pete always asked for one, and he always did so much for me. I'd never dared to ask to do something else instead, or to tell him about my dislike. I couldn't lose what we had. I dropped back down so my head was on my pillow and closed my eyes sleepily. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is late guys I'm going through another shite patch and just spent about an hour and a half crying over nothing so...  
> This story is going to get really depressing and heavy, more so than I planned, most likely because I'm going through one of my dark bits, so keep an eye on the tags, I'll try to keep them updated to any new additions.   
> Thanks for reading anyway.   
> <3 <3 <3 <3 <3


	6. Chapter 6

Gerard opened the door and grinned at me shyly. “Hi, Frankie.”

“Hey, Gee,” I smiled, handing him the gift bag. “Happy birthday! It's twenty, right?”

Gerard blinked and shook his head. “Nineteen.”

Mikey appeared behind him and smiled at me brightly. “I just said he was nineteen cause it was so close. Come inside, Frank.”

Gerard immediately flushed and stepped aside quickly, clearly having forgotten he was blocking my entry into the apartment. I winked at Gerard as I slipped past, then carefully took my shoes off. 

It had been about three weeks since Mikey's hospital trip and he looked better than ever, but Gerard was still a bit shy with me. He tended to blush a lot more lately, and I was surprised Mikey hadn’t said anything. 

As soon as I walked into the living room, Gerard followed me quickly and threw himself down on the sofa, starting to pull the tissue paper out of the bag. I smiled to myself and shook my head slightly as I sat down next to him. 

I heard Mikey walk in and he drew in a sharp breath. “Gerard, you can't just open that, did you even ask Frank? I thought we'd talked about-”

I cut Mikey off quickly. “It's okay, Mikey,” I murmured, smiling at Gerard encouragingly. “I'm not offended, in fact I'm glad that you're excited, Gee.”

Mikey huffed and ran a hand through his hair slowly. “Fine. Ask next time, Gerard. Frank, you want a drink?”

“Beer, please.”

Gerard tensed and I winced. “Uh, actually I'll just have a Sprite, thanks.”

Mikey walked out quietly and I noticed Gerard's hunched shoulders and ducked head. 

“Ignore him, Gee,” I said softly, reaching out slowly and resting a hand on his shoulder, stroking my thumb back and forth over the fabric of his usual black hoodie. “It's alright, really. I'm not offended, you should go ahead and open it..”

Gerard buried his face in his hands suddenly, knocking the bag to the side and drawing his knees up to his chest before starting to rock himself slightly. I groaned internally and picked the bag up, setting it out of the way as I got up. “I'll be right back, Gee.”

I hurried down the hall and opened his bedroom door, heading for his bed immediately. I found the old stuffed cat on top of the pile of animals, then grabbed a stress ball from the vase on his desk. 

By the time I got back to him, Gerard was just starting to cry, sniffling and shaking. I sat down next to him, a little closer than I would normally, and pushed the stuffed cat’s face against his cheek lightly. “Gee..”

I placed a hand on his back, resting between his shoulderblades as I rubbed the cat against his hands. “Here, you wanna hold this? I got one of those balls for you too.”

I grabbed the ball as well, showing it to him as he peeked through his fingers. “It might make you feel better? I'm not...I'm not sure how to help, Gerard, I'm sorry. I don't wanna baby you.”

He slowly drew his hands down, still rocking slightly as he stared at the cat. 

“Here..” I offered it to him again and he took it delicately, hugging it against his chest tightly. I smiled in relief and nodded a little. “How else can I help, Gerard? What can I do? I don't like seeing you so upset...and I don't shut up when I feel awkward, so I'm probably just gonna babble at you and make it worse..”

He reached out and grabbed the stress ball, kneading and mushing it between his fingers as he started to calm down just slightly. 

“Do you want a cuddle or do you want me to rub your back? What would help, Gee? I wanna help..”

Gerard just took a deep breath, closing his eyes as the rocking came to a stop. 

“That's it,” I encouraged softly, feeling like I was fumbling around in a dark basement and about to step on some abandoned Lego. “Deep breaths are good. Do you wanna look at the bag? I really don't mind.”

Gerard smiled slightly and nodded, opening his eyes and making brief eye contact with me before shifting his gaze to the bag. I handed it over, smiling at him in an attempt to make him more comfortable. He still seemed tense and anxious, but I much preferred to see him relaxed and happy. 

Gerard pulled out the last sheet of tissue paper and grinned, picking up the box of colored pencils. 

“Uh, Mikey helped me with the art stuff..” I mumbled quietly, watching as a light blush graced Gerard's cheeks. “I hope it's all okay.”

There was also a couple packs of erasers and a few tubes of paint Mikey had said he'd needed in particular. The last item was a medium sized tub, which I gently took from him and opened. 

“It's called magic sand, and look..” I poked my finger into it, showing him how it squished and moved. “It all sticks together and it's really fun to play with, just poking it and squishing it. I saw an ad for it on Facebook and I thought you might like it. It was just a guess..”

Gerard and I were both blushing now, but his was much more intense as he glanced at me, taking the tub back and pushing his fist into it. 

He giggled and I felt my whole body relax. “It's so weird,” he breathed, smiling at his present. “And sparkly.”

“It comes in a few colors, so maybe I could get you some more sometime..” I murmured, and he grinned at me. 

“I do love it, thank you, Frank.”

I chuckled and shrugged, loving the completely open view of his beautiful and deep hazel eyes. “You're welcome, Gee. You deserve it..”

Gerard shook his head slightly, but leaned over and kissed my cheek clumsily before immediately shrinking away from me. I let my brain process what had just happened a few times, then grinned at him. “Happy birthday, Gerard.”

He relaxed, but kept his gaze low, more on my knee than anywhere else. He was blushing like mad now, smiling shyly at his hands and stealing occasional glances in my direction.  

I opened my mouth to break the silence and Mikey called from the kitchen. “Dinner’s ready!” 

 

Gerard refused to look at me for the entirety of dinner and blushed slightly whenever I spoke, but Mikey didn't seem to notice. As soon as we'd finished, he stood up and gathered our plates on his way into the kitchen. 

Gerard smiled to himself, staring at the table. “I made my own birthday cake..”

I chuckled and leaned my elbows on the table, smiling at Gerard. “That's cool, though. It'll be exactly the way you like. I would just burn it.”

He giggled softly and finally lifted his gaze to mine shyly. “It's caramel.”

“Hmm. Sounds perfect.”

His cheeks were red now, but he grinned at me and laid his hand down on the table, in front of me. I smiled brightly and laid my hand down next to his, so the sides of our pinkies were touching, just lightly. Gerard looked away, shifting a little but not pulling away from me. 

Mikey suddenly walked in and I withdrew my hand quickly, looking up at the plate he was carrying. The cake was fairly small, but looked delicious, with a chocolate coating on top and nineteen color flame candles. Mikey set the cake down in front of Gerard, who smiled happily and glanced up at his brother before looking down again. 

We sung through happy birthday and Gerard blew the candles out, then started to cut the cake. Mikey sat back down next to me, and Gerard glanced at me suddenly. “It's um. Got no lactose in it,” he announced softly. “Mikey told me..”

I smiled and nodded slightly. “Thanks, Gee. It looks awesome.”

He shrugged and tipped a slice onto a plate, sliding it over to Mikey. “It's not really as fancy as I’d normally do, but it tastes good.” 

He handed me a plate and I thanked him softly, digging in eagerly. It was absolutely divine, and I wasn't particularly surprised. 

 

Mikey and I chatted a bit over dessert, then I helped Gerard wrap the leftover cake in cellophane before putting it in the fridge. Mikey shooed us out of the kitchen so he could clean up, and we sat down on the couch together quietly. 

“Thanks for coming,” Gerard mumbled, glancing at me briefly before letting out a soft sigh. “I don't have any friends.”

I tutted quietly and shook my head, leaning forward. I brushed Gerard's hair behind his ears slowly, allowing my hand to slip down onto his shoulder. “You have me.”

Gerard swallowed hard and the blush started to rise again. 

“You're always blushing, Gee. There's nothing to be embarrassed about,” I soothed, slowly running my hand down his back. “I really like you.”

He just smiled to himself, not looking at me. After a few seconds, he shuffled closer to me, his side resting ever so lightly against mine. I grinned and kissed his cheek, making him giggle. 

“You're adorable,” I murmured, forcing myself not to simply pull him into my lap. “So sweet.”

Gerard grinned and wriggled slightly, then turned and just rested his forehead against my temple for a few seconds before pulling away uncertainly. 

“It's okay, Gerard,” I said quietly, offering him my hand. “I just like any kind of contact with you. I'm a touchy person.”

He smiled sheepishly and took my hand carefully, glancing into my eyes. “I'm sorry I'm not.”

“No, it's okay,” I mumbled, running my thumb over his skin slowly. “You'll get there, and even if you don't, it's not the end of the world.”

Gerard looked down at our hands, blushing a light pink again. 

“Guys? You want drinks from the kitchen?” Mikey shouted suddenly and Gerard jumped away from me, shivering slightly. 

“No, I'm good, Mikes,” I answered, smiling at Gerard comfortingly as I tried to catch his eye. “You want anything?”

He shook his head, so I shouted back to Mikey for him, then offered him my hand again. He wouldn't take it. 

~~~

I got a phone call from Gerard a few days later, just after I got home from work. I picked it up immediately, putting it on speaker while I took my prosthetics off. 

“Hey, Gerard. Is everything okay, hon?”

There was a quiet sigh. “Not really.”

I leaned back on the couch, wondering if I'd have to get up again. 

“Why? What's going on?”

Gerard took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Mikey has a new boyfriend, and I don't like him.” 

I relaxed slightly and nodded to myself, starting to take off my left leg. “Why not, Gee? You wanna talk for a bit?”

“Yeah...he's mean, Frank, he was mean to me and Mikey didn't even care. Mikey's barely even here anymore cause he's with  _ him _ .”

“I'm sorry, Gerard. What did he do that was mean?”

“He called me the r-word  _ and  _ the f-word and he told me to go to my room like I was a pet dog. He said it was my crate, and Mikey just  _ stood there. _ ”

I could hear the rising distress in Gerard's voice and sighed softly. “Oh, Gee. I'm sorry. You're none of those things, you know that. You're intelligent and handsome and a joy to be around, he's just an ignorant jerk and Mikey should have done something about it.”

“M’gonna talk to Mikey later, but I think they're fucking in the living room right now.”

I winced and rubbed my eyes with my forefinger and thumb. “I can talk to him for you if you like,” I offered quietly, a little horrified. This wasn't like Mikey at all. 

“I should do it,” Gerard mumbled, sighing quietly. “I don't like him, Frankie.” 

“I know, but you like me though. So how about we talk for a bit? About anything you want.”

Gerard hummed softly. “Do you like the Misfits as well as Black Flag?”

 

Gerard and I chatted for almost two hours as I relaxed on the couch, and later, as I made myself dinner. We mostly talked about different bands and music types, and he turned out to be ridiculously knowledgeable about the subject. 

I could hear Mikey's voice in the background near the end of our call, trying to get Gerard's attention. 

“Gee, hey...talk to me..” 

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “You should go, Gerard, you need to talk to Mikey.”

He took a deep breath slowly. “I know, but on my own terms.” 

“Okay, Gee. It's Saturday tomorrow and I'm off work, maybe you could come over for a bit? Hang out out of the way...you could bring some work with you if you wanted.”

Gerard was grinning, I could tell by the tone of his voice when he next spoke. “Yeah, I'd like that. Pick me up at eight?”

“Sure. I'll see you tomorrow, Gerard.”

“Okay. Bye, Frankie.”

“Bye, Gee.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was alright :) Thanks so much for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

Gerard ran down the steps and pulled the car door open quickly, dumping his bag in the backseat before climbing in next to me. “Hi.”

“Hi, Gee,” I murmured, tapping his seatbelt buckle. “You okay?”

He ducked his head as he did his seatbelt up. “No. Mikey and I had a fight.”

“What about?” I asked gently as I pulled into the road, looking around me carefully. 

“His boyfriend. Lucas, I think his name is. I told Mikey that I was offended by the things he said to me and Mikey said I should learn to ignore people.”

I shook my head slightly and sighed. “That really doesn't sound like something Mikey would say.”

Gerard shrugged, leaning his head against the window. “It is now.”

“I'm sorry, Gerard. Did anything else happen?”

“Well, yeah. I said that I was sad that he was spending all his time with Lucas and he got really mad at me. He told me that I should want him to be happy and that Lucas needed him too. So I was being selfish.” 

I bit my lip harshly and sighed again. “Gerard, you're not selfish. I have no idea what's gotten into Mikey, but I'll talk to him, okay? For now let's try and have some fun,” I murmured, glancing at his hoodie. It was starting to get threadbare in places. “I've got pancake batter waiting and then we can do whatever you like.”

“Okay.” 

~

Gerard had been working all morning, folded up in my desk chair and getting himself covered in all different colors. I'd tidied up around the house and gone for a run, after letting Gerard inspect my running blades close up. He was still working when I arrived back, so I watched tv for a while, curled up on the couch minus my prosthetics. 

“Frank?”

Gerard wandered into the living room, looking a bit confused. 

“Hey, Gee. What's up?” 

“Where's your bathroom?”

I smiled softly and pointed down the hall. “There's only one so you gotta go through my bedroom, the door down from my office, okay?”

He nodded and walked off quietly. I watched him go, sighing to myself worriedly.

I busied myself with putting my prosthetics back on as I waited for Gerard, then got up and started to get out some ingredients for making sandwiches. 

After a few minutes, Gerard walked up and started helping me wordlessly, putting together his own sandwich. I let him do his thing, sorting my lunch out and then cleaning up as he took his plate straight to the living room and sat down. I blinked, but shrugged and followed him, sitting down next to him quietly and turning the tv on. 

We ate in silence and as soon as our empty plates were set on the coffee table, Gerard curled up next to me, not quite touching me. “Hi.” 

“Hey there,” I smiled, brushing his hair behind his ears with a finger. “You okay?”

“I'm really tired. I was really upset yesterday, it takes a lot out of me,” he mumbled, looking down at my lap. I nodded, folding my hands and sighing softly. “I'm so sorry that happened to you, Gee. I promise I'll-”

“I know. I just don't know if it'll help,” Gerard sighed, looking towards the coffee table. “Mikey's been getting slowly more impatient with me as I've stayed, I don't think...I don't think he likes having me around, and this new boyfriend is just speeding up the process. Y'know?”

I ran a hand through my hair slowly. “I think so. I just want to help.”

Gerard glanced at me, a tiny smile tugging the corners of his lips up briefly, just before he looked away from me again. “Thanks, Frankie.” 

“I'm always here for you, I hope you know that.”

He shuffled closer to me, his chest touching my side lightly. “Mm..”

He lifted his hand to my cheek slowly, his warm palm resting against my skin as his thumb ran over my cheekbone slowly. Gerard leaned in a little hesitantly, but fairly quickly, and his lips were touching mine before I could even think of moving away. 

He tilted his head slightly and pressed a little harder, and I allowed myself to kiss back ever so lightly. He grinned into it, then suddenly pulled back. 

I stared at him blankly as he looked down at his hands, blushing bright red. I was trying to process everything all at once, how his lips were a little chapped and bitten, but somehow still soft, the feeling of his breath on my face, even the way he'd smiled when I'd kissed back. 

Gerard suddenly snuggled up to me, resting his cheek against my chest as he wrapped his arms around my waist loosely. “Cuddle.”

“Yeah, okay,” I murmured, starting to rub his back slowly. “Cuddle time.”

I just watched him as we sat there in comfortable silence. He had his eyes closed and his whole body relaxed, his hair falling over his face in a few places. 

I stroked it all back and kissed his forehead, then settled against the back of the sofa, letting Gerard fall asleep on me. 

~

Gerard stretched as he woke up, then fell back against the sofa, smiling not quite at me. “Hey, cuddlebug,” I chuckled, resting a hand on his knee lightly. “Did you have a nice nap?”

He nodded and rested his head against my shoulder. “Yeah. You're so easy to fall asleep on.”

I grinned and shook my head slightly. “Thanks? I think.” 

Gerard giggled sleepily. “Mm. S’a good thing.”

“I'm glad.” 

He sniffed a bit and rubbed the spot between his eyebrows lightly, then drew his knees up and tugged a spare blanket over his legs. 

“You cold?” I asked gently, helping him pull the blanket up. 

Gerard looked at me briefly, then shifted his gaze to the side. “Not really. Will you kiss me again, Frank?”

I sighed quietly and shook my head slightly. “Not just yet. I do like you, Gerard, and I'd love to kiss you again, but you said you wanted things slow and it hasn't really been slow. I want to just be your friend for a little longer.”

Gerard clenched his jaw, pulling away from me slightly as he glared at the tv. I took a deep breath and reached out, carefully brushing his hair behind his ear. “I'm sorry, Gerard, if I made you sad. I'm just trying to say that I think it would be a good idea to get to know each other a bit better before going any further, so we can be better for each other when we get there. I want us to have a good relationship together.”

He batted my hand away lightly and curled up, burying his face in the blanket for a few seconds. I swallowed hard and pulled him into a hug, rocking him slowly as I held him loosely, one hand running up and down his back. “It's okay, Gerard. I'm not going anywhere, and I do really really like you. I'm not...I'm not going anywhere. You're my cute cuddlebug and I love having you around..”

Gerard tolerated the hug for about half a minute, then gently pushed at my chest, wriggling away. He was still glaring at inanimate objects moodily, but most of the substance had gone from his attitude. 

“Come on, Gerard. You wanna watch some movies or something? Play a game? We've got some time to kill here.”

He shrugged, but rubbed his face with both hands slowly. “I'm tired.”

“Maybe movies, then? Yeah? Or a puzzle?”

Gerard shot me a Look. “Puzzles are granny-ish. Movies sound good.” 

“Alright.”

~~~

Mikey sat down with me, smiling as I sipped at my coffee. “You look good in those shorts, Frankie.”

“Fuck off,” I answered good-naturedly. “I wear them all the time, it's not like they're new.”

He just rolled his eyes and cut his muffin in half carefully, moving one half onto an empty plate for me. “Here. What did you wanna talk about?”

“Gerard,” I said simply, not meeting his gaze as I pulled the plate towards me. “He's upset.”

“He's always upset.” 

I blinked and broke off a piece of my muffin, putting it in my mouth thoughtfully. “Mhm. Maybe so, but he's very upset, Mikey.”

The older Way brother rolled his eyes and folded his arms over his chest. “Did he put you up to this?” He asked suspiciously. 

I shook my head. “Nah, he told me it wouldn't help. To my understanding, your boyfriend called him a ‘retarded faggot’ and ordered him around while insinuating he was like a pet.”

Mikey snorted and shrugged, but there was an odd expression in his eyes I couldn't place. 

“He didn't-”

“I don't think Gerard was upset by that so much as by the fact that you seemed indisposed to defend him or comfort him,” I continued, a little sharply. “He asked if he could spend the night at my place on Saturday.”

Mikey's jaw clenched briefly, and he looked away shakily. “So if you're such a good caretaker, so much better than me, why didn't you?”

I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose lightly. “Because he would have had to sleep on the couch, and I thought he would get better rest on his bed. What's going on, Mikey? Something’s wrong, right? I'm not a fucking idiot, something is wrong, and I wish you'd tell me what.”

Mikey wouldn't look at me, tightening and relaxing his jaw repeatedly. 

“Gerard is getting worried that you don't want him around. He thinks you never actually wanted him to live with you. Is that true?” I pressed on, in more gentle tones. 

Mikey shook his head quickly. “Uh. No..” He still wouldn't look at me, now staring down into his lap. “Lucas doesn't like him,” he said in a very small voice. 

“So? Lucas is clearly an ableist piece of shit, who-”

Mikey cut me off with a short hiss, and I followed his gaze, turning to look behind me. Walking towards us was a tall man with slightly curly brown hair, a strange goatee sort of beard, and a thin, but muscled build. I looked back at Mikey, who'd stood up and was now smiling a little too wide. The man I assumed to be Lucas stepped up, kissing Mikey's cheek softly. “Hey, baby.”

The man froze and stared at Mikey's plate, then picked it up and shoved it towards him. “I thought we said no sweets,” he growled in a low voice. I blinked, completely taken aback. Mikey smiled worriedly. “I was sharing it, Lucas, I was just going to have half, I-”

“Half will still put fat on your body, Michael,” Lucas snapped suddenly, carelessly dumping the plate back on the table. “Go get in the car.”

Mikey hesitated, glancing at me briefly before hurrying off. Lucas sat down in Mikey's seat, smiling at me brightly.

“How about you take the retarded one off my hands for me? So I can build a real  _ relationship  _ with Mikey?”

Something about the way he said the word ‘relationship’ sent a shiver down my spine. 

“Gerard isn't retarded, he-”

“I don't give a flying fuck what he is, he's a nuisance and he makes me depressed. Can you take him away for me? So  _ I  _ don't have to..do it?”

I took a deep breath and shrugged. “I need to go to work.”

I got up, grabbing my coat and starting to walk off. Lucas jumped up to follow me. “The cripple and the retard, huh? What a cute pair.”

He tried to get under my skin all the way to my car, but I ignored him easily, blocking out everything until I was in the car and driving out of the parking lot. 

~~~

I called in sick to work as I drove onto Mikey's street, pulling up outside the apartment building. I jogged up the steps and knocked on the door quickly, shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably. 

The door clicked after about a minute and Gerard peeked through the crack, staring at me for a few seconds. “Frank?”

I took a deep breath and sighed. “Gerard, please let me in, please.”

He nodded slightly and swung the door open, stepping back to let me in. I hurried past him, tugging my shoes off as I walked into his bedroom without hesitation.  

“Frank, I-”

Gerard grabbed at my shoulder, but I brushed his hand away gently. “Do you have a suitcase, Gerard? I want you to help me pack it.”

He blinked at me in anxious confusion and I smiled as reassuringly as I could. “It's okay. I'll explain soon, yeah? But we gotta be quick for now, I wanna get packed up and going as soon as possible.”

“Going where?” Gerard mumbled shakily, rubbing one eye with the heel of his hand. “I don't understand.”

“Gerard, I met Lucas today and he was acting very threatening, I want you out of this apartment and in mine while I sort this mess out, okay? I don't know what's going on, but I want to keep you safe.”

He stared at me blankly for a few seconds, then shook his head. “No, I don't wanna go.”

I blinked, dropping my hands to my sides. “What?”

“I wanna stay here. This is home. I don't wanna leave.”

I took a deep breath and nodded, trying to figure out a way in which I could even think of leaving him here as okay. “If that's what you want...just promise me,  _ promise me  _ you'll call if anything happens?”

Gerard nodded, staring at my shoes. “Okay.”

I stepped forward and cupped his face in my hands gently, not lifting his head in case he felt forced to make eye contact. “I care about you so much, Gerard. I can't let anything happen to you, cuddlebug.”

He smiled sadly, leaning into my touch slightly. “I like it when you call me that.”

“Good. You want a hug?”

Gerard shook his head, but shuffled closer to me, leaning his side against my chest and nuzzling my neck as if he was snuggled up to me on the couch. He leaned against me for a minute or two, then stepped away and started pulling a backpack out from under the bed. “I'll pack this and it'll be my grab bag. Just in case.”

“Perfect,” I murmured, smoothing his hair down lightly as he stood up. “That's a great plan, Gee. You want some help?” 

~~~

I knocked on Mikey's door the next day, glad that there was no car in his parking space. Gerard opened the door and I smiled at him. “Hey, Gee. I brought you a present.”

Gerard blinked, then grinned at me shyly. “But it's not my birthday.”

“I know. I just felt like it,” I answered simply, glancing up at the dark clouds gathering overhead. “Can I come in, Gee?”

“Yeah. Mikey and Lucas will be home soon.”

“I won't stay long,” I murmured, brushing past him and walking into the kitchen. I set the wrapped present down on the counter, smiling to myself. Gerard liked wrapping paper, for whatever reason. He followed me into the kitchen, standing next to me so his shoulder was just lightly brushing my upper arm. 

“You can open it,” I said gently, pushing the box towards him. 

He smiled and picked it up, running one hand over the paper. “What is it? It's heavy..”

I snorted and shook my head. “Open it, Gee.”

He giggled, but very carefully removed the tape from one end, sliding the box out without disturbing the rest of the paper. 

“An Amazon box?”

“Mhm, open that,” I chuckled, starting to rub his back slowly and watching his face closely. I loved how concentrated he looked as he lifted the tape away slowly, and I was waiting for the smile. 

Gerard tugged out the box of modeling clay, turning it over in his hands. 

“I thought maybe you could try making some sculpture things,” I suggested softly, suddenly worried he wouldn't like it. “I got a set with lots of colors and things...it’s the bake kind. I thought you might like it. I loved playing with this stuff when I was younger, but I wasn't very good at making things. I figured you'd be really good at it..”

Gerard blinked at me and smiled shyly, putting the box down carefully. “I like it, Frankie. Thank you. No one’s ever given me a random present before..”

I reached out slowly, stroking his hair gently and grinning as he shuffled a little closer to me. “Well, you're welcome. I just love to see you happy..”

“I'm happy without presents,” Gerard pointed out softly, but leant his head on my chest again. “Mm. You smell nice.”

I smiled to myself and put a hand on Gerard's side, just holding onto him loosely. “I'm glad about that. You seem like you might need a shower.”

Gerard pouted and pulled away, looking down at the floor. “Sorry.”

“Gerard, it's okay,” I said quickly, shaking my head. “I wasn't trying to be nasty, I was just suggesting that maybe you could take a shower when I go..” 

He took a deep breath and nodded slightly, picking up the present before walking out of the kitchen. Vaguely confused, I followed him down the hall and into his bedroom. He set the box down on his untidy desk, sighing softly to himself. His room was a huge mess, worse than I'd ever seen it. The covers on his bed were all mussed up too, suggesting that he'd only just gotten up when I'd arrived.

“Gerard, if you were trying to sleep, I can go, I mean-”

“Please don't..”

Gerard suddenly moved closer to me and I automatically reached out, placing my hands on his hips lightly. 

“Hey, it's okay,” I murmured, watching him as he stared at the floor, starting to chew on the skin around his thumbnail. “Gerard, what's upsetting you? Hmm? You wanna sit down?”

The front door slammed and Gerard flinched, pulling his hand away from his face quickly. I took it before he could jerk away, wincing at the spot of blood on his thumb. 

“Gerard, it's-”

“You should go, Frankie,” he mumbled, still not looking at me and backing up a slow step. 

I could hear Mikey's familiar voice now, mixing with Lucas’s unfamiliar and slightly deeper one. 

“Hey, I can take care of myself, Gee,” I soothed, moving closer to him again and resting a hand on his cheek lightly. “It's okay, Gee. It's alright. How about you get back in bed and I go? Sound good?”

He nodded slightly and glanced up at me briefly before climbing back under the covers and rolling over so his back faced me. 

I leaned over and squeezed his shoulder lightly, then slipped out of the room and shut the door behind me quietly. 

Mikey looked up from the end of the hall by the front door and smiled at me. “Hey, Frank.”

I walked over slowly, glancing around warily. 

“Lucas went out, we needed some stuff from the store.”

I nodded and shoved my hands in my pockets. “I came over to give Gerard a present. He seems a bit down and I thought it might cheer him up.”

“Did it?” Mikey asked casually, opening the fridge and rummaging around for a beer. My lip curled slightly and I gritted my teeth briefly. 

“I'm not sure, Mikey. He was biting his thumb again, he made it bleed.”

“Ah, it's just hangnails,” he announced airily, waving a dismissive hand. 

“Mikey, are you drunk?” I snapped suddenly. He stopped and stared at me. 

“I've had one beer, Frank. Plus a couple shots. I'm  _ not drunk, _ ” he growled, swaying slightly. “I'm fine. Shouldn't you be getting home?”

Suppressing a desire to shout  _ it's four in the fucking afternoon _ as loudly as I could, I turned quickly and tugged my shoes on, then left the apartment wordlessly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. Everything will kind of kick off in chapter nine, so I really want you guys to check the tags again before then as it gets fairly graphic in places.   
> Love you all! <3


	8. Chapter 8

“Hey, cuddlebug,” I murmured, pressing my phone to my ear. “Are you home?”

Gerard giggled ever so softly. “I had to go pick up a package from the post office, I'm on my way home now.”

“Mm,” I sighed, parking in the road. “You want me to pick you up?”

“I like the walk.”

“Okay, Gee. I'll uh. I'll go up, see how Mikey is, alright? I'll see you soon, Gee.”

“Mhm. See ya, Frankie.”

I hung up and shoved my phone into my pocket, getting out of the car quickly and jogging up the steps. 

It had been about a month and a half since I'd first brought him a present, and I'd continued the ritual once a week, concerned that he was working less and sleeping more, even losing weight. I dropped in on the brothers every other day to check on the younger, and had had a few more run-ins with Lucas I didn't particularly care for. In any case, I was back again. 

 

I knocked on the door sharply, then ran a hand through my hair, staring at the floor. I didn't like going over when Gerard wasn't there anymore, but I was getting fed up with Mikey and the way he was acting, and I felt like having another go at convincing him that Lucas was bad for both him and Gerard. 

The door clicked and creaked as it opened a crack. “Go away.”

Mikey sniffled, glaring at me through the small gap before repeating himself softly. “Go away.”

“No,” I answered firmly, sticking my foot in the door. “I'm coming in and I'm going to make Gerard a cup of tea to come home to, and then I'm going to give him a  _ present  _ and cuddle with him for a while until he feels better.”

I emphasized the word ‘present’ as clearly as I could, as I knew Lucas had been talking shit about me ‘spoiling’ Gerard. He'd even suggested to Mikey,  _ in front of _ Gerard, that I was grooming him for sexual abuse. 

Mikey just shuffled back slightly, then let go of the door and walked off despondently. I blinked, but followed him quietly, shutting the door behind me. His shoulders were slumped and his hands hung at his sides limply, as if he was a balloon someone had let half the air out of.

Mikey walked to the table and sat down. In front of him was a full bottle of vodka, a new bottle of prescription Xanax, and a notepad and pen. 

He started writing again as if I wasn't there, so I pulled up a chair and tugged the pad away from him casually. 

“To whom it may concern,” I read aloud, batting Mikey's weak hands away as he tried to grab the pad back. “I am in a better place? What the  _ fuck _ , Mikey? To Gerard, I love you and I will miss terribly, but you're better off without me? Mikey, you'd better start explaining some shit real fucking quick.”

Mikey was already on the brink of tears, his hands and bottom lip trembling as he tugged at a lock of his hair lightly. “He dumped me, Frank.”

I closed my eyes for a couple seconds, wrestling with the rising anger. “Fuck, Mikey. He was a dickhead, you're seriously better off without him. You-”

“He said I was useless,” Mikey sniffed, looking down at his hands as a tear rolled down his cheek. “He told me I was a waste of his time. He said I didn't want him enough and that I wanted to be without him. He  _ h-hit  _ me.”

The complete and utter despair in Mikey's voice as he struggled to form the simple, three-letter word was enough to settle the rage gnawing at my insides. I took a deep breath and reached across the table, gently taking Mikey's hands. 

“Hey. Mikes, he was making you take time off work and school to be with him, he was upsetting Gerard and insulting you...he wasn't a nice person, Mikey, and he was seriously manipulative. You're not any of those things, and you don't deserve to be hit, that was abusive..” I squeezed Mikey's hands, hearing the key scrape in the lock and sharing a look of immediate panic with Mikey. I jumped up and grabbed the pills, shoving them in my pocket. Mikey tore the note off the top of the pad and crumpled it up while I put the vodka back in the fridge and raced to the table again just as Gerard walked into the kitchen. 

“Hi,” he mumbled without looking up. I smiled to myself and moved over to him, cupping his face in my hands as I always did. “Hey, cuddlebug. Mikey and I are having a talk, we’re gonna step outside for a bit, okay? How about you go sit down on the couch and open your present, I'll be in soon.”

Gerard nodded sleepily and I kissed his cheek before grabbing Mikey and dragging him outside onto the balcony. I slid the door closed behind us and sighed shakily. “Mikey, you're a fucking idiot. No one is better off without you, Lucas is an arsehole, and you're gonna be okay. I promise. Look at me.”

I waited until his watery brown eyes were fixed on mine, then smiled. “You'll get back to your degree. You'll go back to work. Maybe you can go out with Pete, the guy who took you to the hospital. He's been too shy to ask you out. Life will go on and you'll be  _ fine.  _ You'll have me and Gerard and we’ll get you through this. It's just a rough patch..” 

Mikey nodded shakily and sniffed loudly, his eyes wide and wet. “I-I'm so scared, Frankie..”

I pulled him into a hug quickly, rubbing his back as he trembled against me. “I know, Mikey. I know. He scared you, he made you frightened, that was what he wanted. You'll get better now, I promise. I promise. Do you believe me, Mikes?”

He nodded slightly, clinging to me as he sobbed quietly and slowly. “I d-don't know what I was th-thinking..”

“Me neither, you dumbass,” I chuckled, kissing the side of his head firmly. “Fuckin’ hell. You have so much to live for, Mikey. Look, it's about four o’clock, I think Pete might be around this evening, you could go out and have a nice meal with him and Gerard and I will stay in and have some pizza. How about that? You'll feel better for going out..”

Mikey pulled away from me gently, still shaking slightly as he wiped his eyes with a hiccup-y chuckle. “I don't think I really have a choice.”

“No, neither do I,” I grinned, digging around in my pocket and finding a clean tissue. I handed it to him and kissed his cheek lightly. “Come on, Mikey. It's alright. You just had a...moment. But if you feel like you're gonna have another one, you call me, okay? And you gotta block his number for me.” 

He nodded and leaned against my chest as he hugged me again tightly but briefly. “Okay, Frankie. Thank you for being my reality check.”

“Anytime, Mikes. Let's go see what Gerard’s up to..”

Mikey swallowed hard and gently grabbed my wrist. “Hey, um. Thanks for taking such good care of him. I’m sorry I've been a complete dick, and-”

“It's no trouble, Mikey, and you need to apologize to his face, okay? I'm not the one you should say sorry to. But look, I really like Gerard and I think he really likes me. We’ve been loving spending time together and it's not an issue at all.”

Mikey smiled a little sadly and rubbed one eye, glancing into the apartment. “I will. And he uh...he told me he kissed you.”

I felt my face flush immediately and chuckled awkwardly. “Yeah, it was pretty great. I've wanted to keep it a bit slower since, though.” 

“That's fair. He tends to rush things a lot.” 

I nodded slightly, jumping as I heard a tapping noise. Gerard slid the door back and stepped outside, in between me and Mikey. He shoved a cigarette between his lips moodily and lit it, his cheeks hollowing out. 

Mikey wrinkled his nose slightly and slipped back inside, heading for the kitchen. 

Meanwhile, I was absolutely mesmerized by the sight of Gerard smoking. Gerard had never been a sexual object in my mind in any manner. Sure, he was attractive, and had beautiful features and was adorable beyond measure, but I had always thought of attraction in general as more emotional than sexual. 

Gerard smoking was undeniably and completely unnecessarily  _ hot.  _ He had a certain confidence to him with the cigarette between his lips, and the way his cheeks hollowed as he breathed in made me think of much dirtier pictures. He looked comfortable and calm, his eyes settling on a point in the distance and not flicking away every few seconds as they normally would. 

Gerard flicked the ash off his cigarette and I suddenly felt sick. This was the same man I had brought a present today. A stuffed unicorn and a book. Granted, the book was written by Stephen King, but all of a sudden the gift seemed far too...childish. 

He glanced at me and smiled ever so slightly. “Hi.”

“Hey, baby.”

His smile widened and he flicked his eyes down shyly, taking a long drag and lifting his head again to blow out the smoke. 

“Is Mikey okay?”

The way he said the simple phrase felt so out of place. So worried and gentle and soft. Gerard with a cigarette in his mouth looked hard, even punk. Not light and nervous, like his voice. 

“Not really. Lucas dumped him,” I answered quietly. “Are you okay, cuddlebug?”

The word slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it, and I instantly regretted saying it. It sat heavy in the air, replaying over and over in the back of my mind as I felt disgust rise in my gut. 

Gerard just smiled peacefully. “Yeah, I'm okay. Just needed a smoke.”

I blinked and he glanced at me. “Mikey will be okay.”

“I know.”

A comfortable silence fell and Gerard finally finished his cigarette. As soon as he'd tossed the butt away, his shoulders came up slightly and he cast his eyes down shyly. He even shivered a bit and shuffled over to me, doing his usual trick of leaning against my chest as if we were laying down together. I wrapped my arms around him loosely, stroking my fingertips up and down his spine. 

“I'm so tired of everything, Frankie.”

“I'm sorry, baby,” I murmured, kissing his cheek softly and squeezing him ever so gently. “You wanna go inside? I should probably keep an eye on Mikey.”

Gerard nodded and let out a soft, slightly timid giggle. “It's his turn to be baby-sat.” 

“Mm. Basically.” 

~

Pete picked Mikey up at five and Gerard and I settled down to eat pizza and watch more terrible horror movies. As usual, as soon as our plates were empty, Gerard snuggled up to my side, pulling the blanket around himself tightly. “Frankie..”

“Mm?”

“Thanks for being here.”

“I wouldn't be anywhere else, love.”

He grinned to himself and shuffled a bit closer. “Not even in...Hawaii?”

I groaned softly and shook my head. “You had to make it hard, didn't you? Why don't I just take you to Hawaii?” I suggested, smiling down at him. 

Gerard wrinkled his nose. “S’too hot for me..”

I pulled at the sleeve of his black, hooded second skin and rolled my eyes playfully. “Then you'd have to take this off, huh? Y’know I've never seen you without it.”

Gerard's face fell and guilt immediately settled in my stomach. “I just..” He wrapped his arms around himself defensively, shivering a little. “I just...I don't feel comfortable without it..” He looked away, trembling slightly as his eyes flicked around the room, everywhere but me. 

“Hey, it's okay,” I soothed quickly, resting a hand on his thigh without thinking. “I was just teasing, Gee. I don't mind what you wear, I really don't. I just...it’s starting to fall apart a bit...do you want me to get you a new one?”

Gerard blinked, a look of vague shock coming over his face. “What?”

“A new one,” I repeated evenly. “This one has some holes.”

He looked down at his hands as if trying to comprehend the idea. “I'm n-not sure...I've had this one for s-so long..”

I stroked his hair slowly and leaned in, pressing an ever so gentle kiss to his cheek. “Have a think about it, cuddlebug. Whatever you like.” 

Gerard smiled shyly, a little color rising to his cheeks, and he looked up at me briefly. 

“I really like you, Frankie.”

“I like you too, Gee,” I murmured, reaching up and brushing a stray eyelash out from under his eye. “You look so cute tonight..”

He giggled, looking down at himself. “I'm wearing-”

“I know what you're wearing, Gee, but that's not what I meant,” I smiled, stroking my thumb over his cheekbone slowly. “You just look extra cute and I'm not sure why.”

Gerard was blushing now, biting his lip softly as he leaned into my hand slightly, looking sideways and down at the floor. I gently turned his head to face me more and leaned down, pulling him into a soft kiss.  He immediately smiled against my lips, kissing back just as gently and sliding a hand into my hair. I pulled him just a little deeper, moving my lips slowly, not letting anything get heated or rushed.

I broke the kiss first, resting my forehead on Gerard's as I took a deep breath. “I like us, Gerard.”

He purred softly, keeping his eyes closed. “Me too.”

~

Gerard was in bed and asleep by the time Pete and Mikey got home. Pete was grinning, his arm wrapped tight around Mikey's waist as he guided him into the apartment. “He's a bit tipsy.”

Mikey grabbed onto Pete’s coat, giggling for absolutely no reason. 

“You don't say,” I sighed, getting up off the couch and gently batting Mikey away as he tried to grab my hair. “He's like a baby when he's drunk.”

Pete grinned and shrugged. “I can take him to mine if he's gonna be a nuisance here.”

I glared at Pete and he just chuckled, watching Mikey as he picked up one of the sofa cushions to inspect it. “Frank, you know me. I won't take advantage, but I'm good at putting drunk people to bed.”

I sighed quietly and shook my head slightly. “He looks like he's high.”

“He's not, he had tequila.”

“Ah.”

Mikey tried to grab the ceiling fan and I clapped my hands. “Okay. You can take him, Pete, I can't deal with this right now.”

“Alright. Mikey, come on. Let's go to my place.”

Mikey grinned sloppily and hurried over. “Mm please!”

I rolled my eyes and watched Pete bundle Mikey out of the door. “I'll bring him over in the morning,” Pete announced, just before jogging after Mikey down the hall.

~

I woke up to a soft snoring in my ear and jerked my head back as my eyes snapped open. Gerard was asleep next to me, right on the edge of the couch, his head resting on my arm and his face nearly touching my chest. He had goosebumps all over his arms, as he hadn't been under the blanket. I quickly threw it over him, smiling to myself as I began to rub his thin chest slowly.

Gerard let out a soft noise and nuzzled my arm, then seemed to drift off again, his body relaxing against mine. “That's it, baby..” I soothed, very slowly pulling my arm out from under his head. There was no way I could get out without waking him, so I just lay there with him, watching his face as he slept. 

I got a bit bored after a while and picked up one of his hands instead, turning it over and inspecting the skin around his thumbnail. It was torn and scabby, on both of his hands. I sighed and kissed his thumbs, then carefully lowered his hands back to the cushion. He grunted and his fingers curled before going limp again. 

“Adorable,” I muttered to myself. 

The front door suddenly slammed open and I heard quiet giggling. “It's Saturday!” Mikey announced far too loudly and cheerfully for a hungover person and I shushed him quickly. He hurried over to the couch, leaning over the back. 

“Holy shit,” he whispered, grinning at me. “That's adorable.”

“I know,” I purred, watching Gerard stir. “I woke up and he was here..”

“Can you get out?”

“No.”

Mikey chuckled quietly and I heard Pete walking around in the kitchen. “Pete,” Mikey hissed, waving him over. “Help me pick Gerard up.”

“Wait, no, he's fine,” I said quickly, and Mikey smiled at me reassuringly. 

“He won't wake up, I've done this with him before. If we carry him to bed and lay him down, he'll just roll over and go back to sleep.”

I nodded slightly and sighed softly. “I think he needs the sleep.”

“Me too..”

Mikey walked around the front of the couch, pulling Pete with him, and silently guided him to take Gerard's legs. Mikey slid his arms under the sleeping man’s torso and they lifted him up easily, hurriedly carrying him out of the room. I sat up immediately, changing my boxers under the blanket before fitting my prosthetics on. I slid my shorts on over the top and got up, walking into the kitchen. Pete had clearly been making a cup of coffee, so I- 

Gerard screamed. 

I'm not entirely sure how I knew it was him, but the sound sent a bolt down my spine and I dropped the spoon I was holding, racing down the hall to Gerard's room. Mikey was kneeling on the floor by the bed, holding his brother in a tight, slightly shaky hug. Gerard was sobbing into Mikey's shoulder and Pete was standing a few paces back, looking confused and worried. 

“What happened?” I asked the room in general, panting as my heart rate began to slow again.

“I don't know, I think it was a nightmare,” Pete answered softly. “We laid him down and Mikey was just covering him up with a blanket when he woke up screaming.”

“Shit..”

“Yeah. I'll go finish that coffee, I think we all need some.”

I nodded vaguely and walked over, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to Gerard. “Hey cuddlebug..” 

He was starting to calm down now, sniffling against Mikey instead of sobbing. His whole body was still trembling, though, and Mikey had begun to rock him slowly. 

I gave up on trying to hold a conversation with either brother and just stroked Gerard's hair, cooing to him softly as he began to drift off again in Mikey's arms. 

“It was just a nightmare,” Mikey mumbled as he finally laid Gerard back into bed, carefully resting his head on the pillow. “He gets them sometimes, I'm surprised you haven't seen them before, but I guess it hasn't been so bad since he's been living with me. Sometimes he just gets stuck in his dream and you have to shake him a bit..” 

“It scared the shit out of me..”

Mikey smiled sadly and fixed Gerard's hair carefully. “Yeah, me too. We'd better leave him to sleep, though, he doesn't usually get more than one in a short period..”

Mikey stood up slowly and I leaned back against the wall slightly. “Did you apologize to him?”

“Yeah, last night while you were in the bathroom,” he sighed, and I followed him out of the room, carefully shutting the door behind us. “He said he was still a bit upset with me but that he loves me, y'know?”

I smiled and nodded slightly, shoving my hands in my pockets as I walked down the hall with him slowly. “I don't think he's actually upset anymore, he's just saying it because he thinks he should be.” 

Mikey snorted and shrugged, then grinned at me. “I never understand him, not fully.” 

“Me neither.”

~~~

“Hi, Mikey,” I hummed as I answered the phone, rolling on fresh deodorant. “What's up?”

“Hey. Gerard wanted to see you, I think, are you off work yet?”

“Hmm. Yeah, I'm just getting dressed. Is everything okay?”

I closed my locker door and picked up my bag, heading out of the building quietly.

“Yeah, he's okay and everything, I think. Just wanted to see you in person. Dunno why he didn't call you himself, but he's a bit...like that.” 

“Yep. S’fine, Mikes, I didn't have plans tonight or anything. How're you doing?”

Mikey chuckled softly and I heard someone talking in the background, too faintly to recognize the voice. “I'm doing really well, Frankie,” he answered warmly and sincerely. “Pete and I are like...I think we're actually really well matched, y'know. I'm going out with him again tonight, that might be why Gerard wants to talk to you, he probably wants you to stay over. But uh, Pete's helping me get back on track with school and everything, it's really exciting to get my life going again.”

I grinned as I got in my car, the happiness in Mikey's voice was infectious. “That's awesome, Mikes. You're getting back to the things that make you happy, and that's really important.”

“Yeah,” he hummed softly, the cheeriness dropping away suddenly. “Gerard doesn't seem like he's doing so well.”

“I know,” I answered quietly. “He's getting better, though. He got some work done yesterday and had three full meals. He's getting there, Mikey, I promise.” 

“Good. Uh...he just texted me, he wants you to meet him at Starbucks..”

“Oh. Alright, that's fine. I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing. I'm really really glad you're feeling better, Mikey. Really. I love you.”

“I know. Love you too, dude.”

“Have fun with Pete tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna say it one more time, but please check the tags again before you read the next chapter!   
> Love you all and have a good day <3


	9. Chapter 9

I got a call from Gerard about a week later, at 10:34 in the morning. I ignored the first call, as I was with a client, but as he left a message - something Gerard absolutely  _ never  _ did - and then called me again, I picked it up on the second ring. 

“Hey, Gee,” I said softly. “Is this urgent, baby? I'm at work.” 

Gerard took a deep, shuddering breath. “Mikey's dead.”

I smiled slightly and shook my head. “Gee, that isn't funny, baby, come on..”

There was a soft sob and Gerard moaned in pain. “H-he's dead, Frankie...he's d-dead..”

“Fuck..” I felt my stomach drop and my brain immediately switched off every emotion possible. “Where are you?”

I glanced at my client and then hurried to the front desk, scribbling a quick note. 

**_Emergency._ **

I ran out of the front doors and jogged across the road to my car. 

“A-at home...Frankie, please…he's still bleeding..”

“Have you checked his pulse?”

“Y-yeah...he's cold, Frank, I can't l-look at him anymore..”

“It's okay, baby, you don't have to,” I soothed, my fingers shaking as I shoved the key in the ignition. “I'm on my way, cuddlebug. Can you call the police and an ambulance for me, baby? Can you do that?”

“Y-yeah..”

“Grab the home phone and use that,” I murmured, pulling out of the parking lot and flooring it down the street. “Stay with me, baby..”

“I g-gotta go around him, Frankie..”

“I'm so sorry, baby. Just sit tight and I'll call, okay?”

“Y-yeah.”

I hung up and immediately dialed 911. I gave them the address and all the information I had, finishing the call just as I pulled up outside the apartment building. 

I took the stairs as fast as I could, bursting into the apartment. Gerard was curled up in the hallway, his hands and face covered in blood. He was shaking and rocking himself slowly, muttering under his breath. He didn't seem to notice me, so I slipped past him and into the kitchen. 

My heart almost stopped and I gagged, throwing a hand over my mouth and nose. Mikey was laying on the floor at an awkward angle, and blood was absolutely everywhere. He was holding the gun in stiff fingers, a pistol he  _ didn't own.  _ There was no real need to check for a pulse. The body was only just recognizable as Mikey anymore, it was so completely covered in blood and...other things. I tried to shove the thought out of my mind, but gagged again anyway. 

I reached over the couch and grabbed a blanket, carefully laying it over him and wincing as blood began to soak through. I could see handprints on the floor around the body, and my heart wrenched as I realised they were Gerard's. I walked into the hallway again, my knees shaking as I sat down next to Gerard, slowly pulling him into my arms. He wasn't really crying, letting out a dry sob or a pained moan every now and then, but no tears were running down his face. 

I couldn't cry. I felt detached, not really in my body as I tried to comfort Gerard, stroking his hair over and over and rubbing his side slowly. 

“It wasn't him,” Gerard kept mumbling over and over, twitching occasionally and burying his face in his hands before jerking them down again and rocking a few more times. He didn't seem to be in complete control of his body, but every fiber in his being seemed to want to be close to me. 

“I t-tried to l-lift his head a-and it…” Gerard choked on the words, staring at his hands as they shook. “He b-bled...everywhere..”

“Oh God, Gee..” 

I felt like my heart was breaking slowly, each word Gerard uttered and each shaky sob he let out tearing a new rip in my chest. 

The door opened suddenly and I looked up at the policeman. “Th-thank fuck..”

~

Gerard was sitting in the back of the ambulance, wrapped in an orange blanket. One of the paramedics was talking to him kindly and seemed to know what she was doing with him, but I was keeping an eye on my friend anyway. 

“Sir?”

I blinked at the policeman and nodded. “S-sorry..”

“It's okay. I understand you're in shock, but I need to ask a few questions.”

I nodded and glanced at Gerard. The policeman smiled grimly. “We can't get anything out of him at the moment. Was Michael displaying any signs of being suicidal? Any comments about-”

“Yeah,” I interrupted quietly, just wanting to get it over with. “He wrote a note about ten days ago and I found it and told him off. He was dumped by his ex boyfriend who was...a horrible person and he was really upset. But he's been...he's been doing better,” I mumbled, my throat tightening as I suddenly felt the tears coming. 

“He  _ had  _ been doing better,” I corrected myself softly, my voice raspy as I tried to hold back the sobs. “He didn't own a gun, officer. That's not his...he wouldn't do it with a gun....he was starting school again and he was dating someone else...he was looking after Gerard..”

The policeman nodded slightly and sighed. “We found a note on Gerard, he was holding it in his hand, here..”

He passed it over to me and I smoothed it out, choking on a light sob as I stared at it. “Th-that's not his h-handwriting..”

There was a sudden shout and I glanced toward Gerard. They were wheeling the body out of the building in a black bag, and two paramedics were trying to hold onto Gerard as he screamed. I ran over and gently grabbed onto him, getting in the way so he couldn't see. “Gee, Gee, look at me,” I soothed, cupping his face in my hands and running my thumbs over his skin frantically. “Look at me. Shhh. Shhh.”

“That  _ bastard _ !” Gerard shrieked suddenly and I blinked, taken aback.

“Gerard..”

“He  _ left _ me here, Frank! He left me! F-fucking-..”

Gerard drew in a huge, shuddering breath, letting it out in a giant sob. I pulled him into my arms immediately, burying my face in his neck as my eyes and nose stung and I felt the hot tears rolling down my cheeks at last. Gerard was digging his nails into my back, his whole body heaving as he clung to me so tightly I could barely breathe. 

I just closed my eyes and held him, letting the sadness wash over me in lethal waves. 

~~~

I helped Gerard lift the coffee cup to his lips, smiling sadly as he took a few trembling sips. The detective sitting opposite was friendly and kind, but Gerard was barely functioning and I was doing my best to hold it all together. 

“Gee, what happened that morning? Can you think? Why did you go out, baby?” I murmured, caressing his back slowly and holding onto one of his hands tightly as he stared at the table. 

“I w-went to g-go get stamps,” Gerard whispered, trembling all over as he leaned into me desperately. “I wanted to send a letter. Mikey had just gotten home from Pete’s and they were really happy...Mikey gave me a scone from Starbucks and I ate it before I left for the post office. He said he was gonna do some schoolwork.” 

Gerard's face crumpled and he couldn't breathe. “He was so happy..” He whispered, tears rolling down his cheeks as he finally gasped in a breath. 

I wrapped an arm around him, bringing my spare hand around to rest on his cheek. “Shh, Gee, shh. I've got you, baby, shh..”

He sniffed, gently shaking my hand off to rest his head on my shoulder. I rocked him slowly from side to side, glancing at the detective, who sighed quietly and nodded sympathetically. 

“Frank, you said something to one of our officers about Michael writing a note, can you tell me more about that?”

I took a deep breath and rubbed Gerard's side slowly again, letting him grab onto my other hand with both of his. 

“Y-yeah. He um. His ex, Lucas, he wasn't a very nice person and he dumped Mikey. He called him a bunch of names and stuff and Mikey was really upset. I um. I went over to go see Gerard and Mikey was writing this note. He had a bottle of pills and vodka, I think...he was planning an overdose on Xanax, I'm pretty sure it was Gerard's prescription. I told him off and we had a talk. He was just...it was like a bump in the road. Mikey's always been...depressed. He's not a naturally happy person and when shitty things happen to him, he tends to go off the rails. I told him it was gonna be okay and I made him go on a date with my friend Pete,” I mumbled, a tiny smile tugging at my lips. “They really hit it off and Mikey was going back to work and school and stuff..”

The detective nodded. “Mhm. Okay. So you don't think that there's any chance this was a suicide?”

Gerard drew in a sharp breath and I started to rock him again as a fresh round of tears ran down his cheeks. “It wasn't his gun or his handwriting,” I said quietly. “And he was doing okay.”

“Okay. We’re going to have to bring this Pete in for questioning, can you give me his last name?”

“Yeah, it's Pete Wentz. Go careful, he doesn't know yet,” I murmured. The detective nodded again and stood up. 

“Do you know this ex boyfriend’s last name? We need to talk to him too.”

“Lucas Farroh,” Gerard muttered, and I repeated it a little louder. 

“Mikey didn't have enemies, sir,” I stated before the policeman could leave the room. “Everyone liked him, really. And he didn't do drugs or anything like that...he's…he was a good person.”

The detective smiled at me sadly. “I believe you.” 

~

Gerard crawled into bed with me, trembling as he pressed his body to mine. 

“Hey cuddlebug,” I mumbled, my voice soft but hoarse. “I've got ya.”

My phone rang suddenly and I picked it up, groaning when I saw the ID. I answered it anyway and kissed Gerard's forehead lightly. 

“Hi, Pete.”

He sniffed and I could tell he was in his car. “I talked to the police...why didn't you call me?”

His voice wasn't accusatory or angry, in fact, all I could hear was pure sadness. 

“I'm sorry, Pete. I've been with Gerard and I've been-”

“I know, that was a stupid thing to say. I didn't know him long, Frank, but I loved him..”

Pete sniffed again and I knew in my bones he was crying. 

“I loved him too,” I whispered, closing my eyes tightly as Gerard wormed his way up against my chest, almost as if he was trying to climb inside my body. 

“I know you two probably don't want me around, but I'm coming over...I'm gonna bring some takeout..”

“Pete, I don't-”

“I know, I don't feel like it either. But we gotta eat. Gerard especially. We gotta take care of each other. Mikey wouldn't want us to starve.”

~

I had to practically force feed Gerard to begin with, but after a few bites he started to eat on his own, looking almost resigned to the activity as he chewed emotionlessly. Pete looked like he was still in shock. I could barely keep the food down, but I kept eating anyway, just trying to keep away the images of Mikey's lifeless body laying limp on the kitchen floor. 

I rinsed the plates and put them in the dishwasher, then took Gerard to bed, tucking him up in my bed and kissing his cheek like always. 

“Get some rest, Gee. You'll feel a little better in the morning.”

He gave me a dirty look, but didn't say anything, curling up tightly with his back to me. I rubbed his hip briefly, then got up and walked out of the room quietly. 

Pete was waiting on the couch, where he'd already made himself a sort of bed with one pillow and two blankets. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

I sat down in the armchair, burying my face in my hands. “I don't think I can do this, Pete.”

“Do what?”

I sighed and sat back, waving a hand. “Gerard. He's a wreck. But he...he looks so much like Mikey..”

My voice cracked and I felt the tears welling up slowly. “He reminds me of Mikey...oh God...and I have to take care of him...what if I fuck up? What if I hurt him?”

Pete smiled sadly and shook his head. “You won't, Frankie. Mikey trusted you with Gerard. He knew you were amazing with him. You're not gonna fuck anything up.”

“I might..” I mumbled, feeling the muscles in my face tighten as I looked away, trying unsuccessfully to suppress the first sob. 

“Frankie, come sit with me,” Pete ordered softly, and I obeyed, letting him wrap me up in his arms. “Shh. You're the strongest person I know, Frank. You've lost people before and although you shouldn't have to and life is a fucking horrible thing, you can handle it. You can get through this, I promise. And you can get Gerard through it as well. The more you worry, the harder it will get. Don't worry about doing the right thing with Gerard, just help him in your way and what worked for you. You'll get there.” 

I nodded slightly and just rested my head on Pete's shoulder, letting the tears run down my cheeks and wash away some of my pain. 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Pete kissed my cheek as he handed me the two drinks and the bag. “I gotta go to work, Frankie. Call if you need.”

“Thanks, Pete.”

He shot me a sympathetic, but not pitying look and turned, heading off down the hall quietly. I sighed to myself and shut the front door, then walked back to my bedroom. 

Gerard was still laid in my bed, staring out of the window blankly. He'd completely shut down, and it was almost frightening how little he was reacting to everything. 

I sat down on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath. “Pumpkin spice latte, God knows how Pete managed to convince them to make it out of season, and a blueberry scone for breakfast,” I announced softly, setting the bag down so I could rest a hand on his side. “You wanna sit up, baby?”

He pushed my hand away and I sighed. “Alright. I'll leave the latte on the table, Gee.”

I set the coffee down on the bedside table, then left the room quietly. He didn't want me around, and I had to respect his space. 

I didn't know what to do, anymore. 

My phone rang and I jumped, nearly spilling my coffee everywhere. “Fuck..”

I tugged it out and answered it immediately. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, Frank, this is Detective Urie from the station? We have uh...some news.”

I set my coffee down, leaning back against the counter as I put my spare hand over my eyes, the tips of my fingers shaking. 

“Y-yeah?”

“Well, first of all, we’re rushing the forensics through on the-...on Mikey’s body, and you can start going over funeral arrangements whenever you're ready. Um. We've also brought in a suspect, I'm not supposed to tell you who it is, though. I got a lawyer friend to help dig out Mikey's will for you and he's willing to go through everything with you and Gerard for free. So...we’re making progress.”

I rubbed my eyes with my index finger and thumb. “Sir, I can't thank you enough, I-”

“It's okay, Frank. Really. I will send you the lawyer’s number and get you the numbers of some grief counselors, both you and Gerard could benefit from some support. Do you have an idea on funeral homes for-”

“I buried both of my parents two years ago, I know good people,” I answered a little too quickly and with a little too much shake in my voice. 

“Good. Give my best to Gerard.”

“Will do, thanks again.”

I hung up, setting the phone down quietly and running a hand through my hair before I just suddenly started to cry. 

There was no warning, no stinging in my nose or lump in my throat, I was just normal one moment and crying the next. 

“Frank?”

The voice was shaky and desperate, a quiet wail. 

“Where are you?”

I took a deep breath, trying to suppress my tears so they didn't show in my voice. 

“In the kitchen, c-cuddlebug.”

Gerard shuffled in about a minute later, holding his coffee with both hands. He wouldn't look at me, keeping his eyes on the floor. 

“Hey, baby.”

He didn't really acknowledge me, but walked over slowly and just leaned against my chest. I wrapped my arms around him automatically and we just stood there, his breath flicking over my neck, smelling faintly of pumpkin spice. 

“We have to start dealing with the funeral stuff soon.”

Gerard shook his head slightly. “I don't want to. You should.” 

“Gerard, I-”

“My brother is  _ dead _ , Frank. His body...it's not  _ him _ anymore. I don't care what color fucking coffin you put it in or what horrible fucking shit you come up with for his obituary. I really don't fucking care, okay?”

I flinched a bit, but took a deep breath to settle the flare of anger, then ran my fingers through his hair slowly. “Okay, Gee. Your parents will be here soon anyway...I guess they'll probably want to do it.”

He nodded slightly and nuzzled my chest as if seeking even more comfort from my body. “They'll take everything over and push us to the side,” he mumbled quietly. “It's not worth fighting back against them, Frankie.”

“But-”

“It's not.”

“Okay.”

I rested my chin on top of his head, holding onto him tightly as he just stood there, his chest pressed to mine and his eyes closed. 

~~~

Gerard's parents were obnoxious. 

In all the years I'd known Mikey, I'd always wondered why he'd never introduced me to his parents, but now it was painfully obvious. 

I sat with Gerard in the coffee shop, holding his hand tightly as his mother glared at him. 

“That drink is revolting.”

Gerard sipped at his coffee, completely ignoring her. Even I had to admit, though, that Gerard's skinny white chocolate mocha was a little too sweet for my taste. Gerard's dad and I were both drinking black coffee, and his mum had opted for a tea. 

“Gerard, why won't you talk to me?”

_ Probably because you keep insulting him,  _ the back of my mind supplied as she leaned towards him. Gerard almost shrank back, digging his nails into my hand unconsciously. 

“What do you do for a living, Frank?” Gerard's dad asked suddenly. I blinked at him. 

“Don, we’re here to bury our son, not make small talk,” Mrs. Way snapped, but I sighed softly. 

“I'm a personal trainer at a gym. It brings in fairly good money and I enjoy it.”

He nodded slightly and I almost jumped when Gerard spoke up suddenly. 

“Frankie is amazing,” he said softly, staring at the table. “He had both legs amputated below the knee and he goes for runs every day.”

I felt my cheeks heating up slightly and squeezed Gerard’s hand as he shot me a brief smile, his eyes soft. 

Even while relishing the smile on Gerard's face and the beauty of his eyes, I noticed his mum pull a face of disgust out of the corner of my eye. I started to stroke my thumb over Gerard's hand, comforting him discreetly. 

“That's interesting..” Mr. Way mumbled, clearly not sure what to say. I just shrugged. 

 

I was bussing our plates when I noticed Gerard and his mother were standing off to the side. She was talking to him about something, her body language very hostile. Gerard was staring at the floor, his shoulders hunched and his hands shoved in his hoodie pocket. I walked past them to get our coats from the table, wincing immediately. 

“-it's your fucking fault, Gerard, all of this. If you weren't like this, Mikey would still be-”

I had to walk away before I punched someone, so I went back to the table, picked up our coats calmly, then walked back towards them. 

I didn't miss a step, grabbing Gerard's arm and gently tugging him along with me, letting him run a couple steps to keep up as I led him out of the building and to the car as quickly as I could. I bundled him into the passenger seat and hurried around the car, wrenching my door open angrily and slamming it behind me. 

Gerard flinched at the noise and looked down at his hands, shaking ever so slightly. 

“None of that fucking bullshit was true, do you hear me, Gerard?  _ None of it.  _ Mikey loved you exactly the way you are and you had nothing to do with what happened to him. I promise..”

I leaned over and buckled his seatbelt for him, then kissed his cheek softly. “It's okay,” I went on in a more gentle voice. “Nothing is your fault, I promise.”

He ducked his head, staring at his hands silently. I sighed and took one of them, lacing our fingers together as I started the car. “Come on. Let's go home.” 

Gerard tugged his hood over his hair, his hand shaking slightly. “I wanna go  _ home  _ home..”

I turned out of the parking lot, stroking my thumb over Gerard's hand slowly. “What do you mean, Gee?”

“I wanna go back to the apartment and watch a movie with Mikey,” he mumbled, staring out of the window. “That's home to me. Eating pizza and hanging out together. With my brother..”

His voice cracked a little and I squeezed his hand tightly. 

“I'm so sorry, baby. But we can watch a movie and have pizza at mine if you like..” 

“It's not the same,” he moaned softly, sniffling and drawing his shoulders up shakily. 

He looked so small, pressed against my car door with his knees against his chest. He looked fragile, too, like he would shatter if the car went over a bump. Even his fingers were shaking between mine. 

“I really care about you, Gerard,” I announced quietly, taking a deep, slow breath. “You mean a lot to me. You're my only friend besides Pete, and I really want the best for you. I'm gonna do my best to get us both through this, okay?”

Gerard sighed and shrugged. “I'm not sure there is any way through.”

“There is. I swear to you, Gerard, as someone who's had to go through this kind of thing more times than my fair share, there is a way through. It doesn't look or feel like it now, but there is. You're not alone.”

“I  _ feel _ alone. Mikey's the only person who..” Gerard choked a little, but forced the words out slowly. “Who really l-loved me.”

I squeezed his hand again as I pulled into my parking spot. “Gerard,  _ I  _ love you. And you'll find so many more people who will, I promise. You're nineteen, you're still starting out being an adult and forming adult friendships and relationships, it takes some time. I hear you, I do, because Mikey was probably the only person I was ever completely open with, but we will both find new people. It fucking sucks, and we’ll never forget him and never stop loving him or missing him, but life will go on.”

“What if I don't want it to?” Gerard asked roughly, then gently pulled his hand from mine to cover his face. “Fuck….I  _ really  _ don't want it to..”

I flinched slightly and took a deep, deep breath. “Let's go inside, Gerard. I think we need to sit down together and talk about this properly.”

~

Gerard was crying, softly. He'd run out of sobs, the painful ones that stopped you from breathing and made your head hurt so bad you thought you were gonna die. Now he was just staring at nothing, the tears rolling down his cheeks in shaky silence. 

He had his hood pulled up again, his hands folded in his hoodie pocket and his shoulders hunched over as he rocked his torso back and forth slowly. 

“Gerard..”

He flinched as if someone had punched him in the gut, folding in on himself and trembling as he let out a low whine. 

“Gee..”

I reached out, starting to rub his back slowly and as soothingly as I could manage. “Do you want a cuddle, baby? Hmm..?”

Gerard nodded quickly and turned suddenly, flinging his arms around me and shoving his face down into the crook of my neck. 

“That's it,” I murmured, hugging him as tightly as I dared. “That's it, I've got you, baby.” 

We sat there in silence for a while, Gerard just laying against me and shaking as I tried my hardest to comfort him with unsteady hands. 

He pulled away after probably about half an hour, wiping the tears I didn't know I was crying off my cheeks. “Frankie..”

“I'm okay, baby,” I murmured, trying to catch his eye and smiling softly. “I'll be okay, don't worry about me, Gerard.”

“But-”

“I'm fine, yeah? I'm okay..” I pulled him back into a hug, cradling the back of his head in one hand. “Are you hungry yet? I can order some food or..?”

Gerard shook his head slightly, squeezing me a little tighter. “No...I just wanna sleep..”

I rubbed his back slowly, kissing the side of his head lovingly. “I know, Gee. So do I. You wanna go to bed or is it a bit early?”

“Can we go lay down?”

“Yeah, if you like..” 

 

Gerard crawled under the covers immediately, flopping down with his head on the pillow and his eyes closed. 

“Gee, how about you take that hoodie off?” I suggested gently as I sat down on the edge of the bed. “You were really hot last night. I've got a really soft pajama set I haven't worn, you want that?”

Gerard opened one eye, squinting at me uncertainly. “I'm not...not sure.” 

I got up, opening one of my drawers and pulling out the pajamas that were still in their packet. I opened it and handed the shirt to Gerard, smiling at him. “Think about it? I don't like the idea of you sleeping in a hoodie and jeans...seems uncomfortable.” 

He nodded slightly, curling up and burying his face in the fabric for a few seconds before looking up. “I'd rather have one that smells like you.”

I blinked and took a deep breath, rubbing my face with both hands. “Uh...I could...I could go pick some stuff up from..yours? That smells like Mikey.”

Gerard took a sharp breath in, his eyes flicking off to the side. “Please.”

I nodded and reached over, taking his hand gently and squeezing it lightly. “I'll call Pete, he’ll come sit with you while I'm out...I can...do you want your own room here, I can convert the office..” 

He stared at me for a moment, then looked away. “I'd like my own space. But I like sleeping with you at the moment.”

I smiled sadly and rubbed my thumb over his knuckles, feeling each bone. “You're always welcome to sleep with me, y'know...maybe Pete will help me move your stuff over...just. Maybe not yet.” 

Gerard nodded slightly and I leaned over, kissing his cheek softly. “I'll go call Pete, okay? I don't like leaving you on your own.”

Gerard opened his mouth to reply, his brow furrowed, but I cut him off quickly. “I know, I  _ know  _ you don't need babysitting and that's not why I want Pete to come over, I want him here because it will make me feel better to know that there's someone with you in case you need someone. It's for my peace of mind, yeah? Not because I don't trust you.”

I swallowed hard, knowing that wasn't exactly true. From what he'd said earlier, he was struggling with some understandable but also very dangerous thoughts and emotions, and I knew how they'd affected me when my parents had passed away. I knew he'd feel like reaching for a bottle, or a blade, or anything else to make it all go away, even for just a moment. And I couldn't let him become destructive like that, not when I knew exactly how it would turn out. 

I kissed the back of Gerard's hand and pulled the blanket over his shoulders. “I love you, Gerard. You mean so much to me, you're a perfect friend.”

He blinked, shifting slightly and nuzzling the pillow. “You love me?”

I smiled as best I could, looking into his innocent, worried eyes for as long as he would let me. “Yeah. I love you as a friend, Gee, and I like you romantically.”

His eyebrows furrowed and I stroked his hair out of his face slowly, soothingly. “I think I feel the same way..”

I nodded and stood up, stretching a bit. “That's okay. You don't have to be sure yet. Why don't you try and have a nap while I'm out?”

Gerard smiled slightly and pressed his face into the pillow a little. “Mm. Okay, Frankie..” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is and probably will always be my least popular, I'm curious whether it's a matter of too much drama, the autistic character, or that my writing is getting worse...or all three ? Who knows?   
> Anyway, I hope you guys like this, and are still enjoying it :/  
> <3<3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of a past suicide attempt <3

I unlocked the door and stepped inside, shutting it quietly behind me. I had to look away when I saw Mikey's shoes on the rack. 

I walked down the hall, not daring to even glance into the kitchen as I breathed slowly, concentrating on the action. It smelled different in the apartment, sharp and much too clean, and it made my stomach feel tight and uncomfortable. 

I pushed Mikey's bedroom door open and just stared for a while. I took it all in, the posters hanging on the walls, the messed up sheets. Pete's jacket laying over his desk chair, and a handful of Gerard's drawings pinned above the bed. I felt like I was being crushed slowly, the pain increasing as I just stood there quietly. 

I glanced down at the floor and rubbed my eyes shakily, then finally stepped into the room, getting the horrible feeling that I was intruding. I grabbed a few shirts and a couple pairs of sweatpants as fast as I could, then scurried out of the room quickly, shutting the door behind me with a loud click. 

“Fuck.”

I wandered down to Gerard's room, opening the door carefully. I shoved some of his art things and stuffed toys into one of his backpacks, then tossed in the magic sand I’d bought for him as well. I took a pillow from his bed last, bundling it into the other bag I'd brought. I took it all down to the hall, grabbing one of Mikey's hoodies from the peg by the door and dumping it on top of the small pile. I took a deep breath, running a hand through my hair slowly. I just wanted to see Gerard happy. I  _ needed  _ to see that soft smile, and the little glances he always shot me when he was excited. I needed Pete too, I needed his hands on my bare skin and his teeth sinking into my neck. I needed distractions. 

I couldn't stop myself from walking into the kitchen, in the end. I stood there, staring at the floor, trying my hardest not to remember the blood. 

The cleaners had done an amazing job, there was no sign left that Mikey had died there. They'd scrubbed away his blood, and in a way, his life. I sat down after a few minutes, resting both hands on the floor, palms down. 

There were so many thoughts, so many ‘what if I had been here’s and ‘I should have been able to stop it’s, but I was old enough to know that those led nowhere. Only to pain. 

“I miss you, Mikes,” I said simply, rapping my knuckles lightly on the hardwood, just once. “I wish I could have held you and told you it was going to be okay. I wish I could have kissed you one more time, I wish I could have promised to you that I was gonna take care of Gee. You must have been so scared. I was...I was s-scared too..”

My nose was stinging now and I ducked my head as I felt the sobs rising in my chest. “Fuck, Mikey. I never told you. I never told you that I nearly bled out, just after my parents died. I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how. I was so scared when I thought I was gonna die. I was so f-fucking terrified..” I let a couple sobs escape, curling my fingers into fists and staring up at the ceiling as tears streamed down my cheeks. 

“Fuck. I hope you weren't scared, Mikey. I hope you knew that I would be here for Gerard. And I fucking wish so so badly that I found you, not him. Not him...he d-didn't deserve it..”

I looked down at my wrists and imagined the blood there. I remembered, and wondered if I'd be scared a second time. 

My phone rang and I jumped, answering it quickly.

“Hey Frank,” Pete murmured. “Are you on your way back yet?”

I dried my cheeks with my sleeve quickly and sighed shakily. “No, I'm crying on the kitchen floor and talking to myself. Is Gee okay?”

“Yeah, he's fine,” he soothed, his voice soft and sympathetic. “He's asking for you, he just woke up. He's a bit agitated, I think he had a nightmare, but he doesn't really want me around.”

“Alright. Just..” 

I heaved myself up with help from the kitchen counter, stumbling a little. “Tell him I'm on my way back.”

“Okay...Frank?”

“Yeah?”

“You weren't thinking about...trying again, were you?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck.”

“I'm sorry, Pete. I know I'm a shit excuse for a human, but-”

“You're not, it's okay. Look, when you get here I'll go out and get some groceries. Gerard wants chocolate milk and you have no food in the fridge. And then I think you both need to make therapist appointments.” 

“Probably.”

“Okay. See you soon.”

Pete hung up. 

I picked up the bags and opened the door, hesitating before I stepped outside. I locked the door behind me and walked out of the building slowly. 

~

Gerard was asleep again when I got back, so I set Mikey's clothes down on the dresser, then tucked Gerard up under his favorite blanket and swapped my pillow for his. I slipped his stuffed cat under the blanket and against his chest, kissing his forehead lightly. 

Pete had gone out to get groceries, leaving me alone with my thoughts again. This time, though, I concentrated on Gerard. I watched him sleep and held his hand and sang to him quietly, until I started to feel sleepy myself. 

I got up after I realized I was letting my head nod, and wandered into the kitchen. I made myself a cup of coffee as quietly as I could manage, jumping when I heard the key in the lock. 

Pete walked in quickly, dumping all the bags on the kitchen counter and flashing me a quick smile. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“You've been crying.”

“Have I?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

I sipped at my coffee, then sighed as I set the mug down, watching Pete start to unpack the bags. “I was watching Gerard sleep. Probably what did it.”

“Mm. Are you two..?”

Pete glanced at me and I pulled a face. “He's too...he's still reeling, I dunno. I'm just gonna let whatever happens happen and do the best I can for him. I like him, I do. I really really do, but he needs something else at the moment.”

“I know what you mean,” Pete sighed, then rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I uh...I kissed a guy at a bar last night and I can't stop beating myself up over it..”

I walked over slowly, helping him stock the fridge.

“I thought of you today when I was at Mikey's. How much I need...physicality...it's natural, Pete. To need distractions and touch and comfort. Mikey would understand.”

“I hope so,” Pete sighed, handing me the chocolate milk. “Is he gonna be up soon?”

“I have no idea,” I mumbled, turning the bottle over in my hand. “I'll put it in the fridge for now, he needs sleep.”

“Has he been sleeping with you?”

I nodded, shutting the fridge door carefully, not wanting to make any loud noises. “Yeah. I can't really sleep on the couch, not when I need handles and stuff, y'know? And Gerard needs proper rest, I told him he could either sleep on the bed with me or on the couch, and he chose to be with me.”

“It's cute.”

“It's grief.”

Pete smiled sadly and shrugged. “He still...he still likes you, Frank. I can see it when he looks at you, he's...all soppy.”

I chuckled and shook my head slightly, picking my coffee up again. “Soppy? Mm. If you say so.”

“I do.”

“Okay..” I took a couple sips and tilted my head slightly. “How are you doing, besides kissing strange men?”

Pete looked down sharply and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I'm not really sleeping much. He...my bed still smells like him. And it's like...it really hurts, but I can't...I can't wash it. I just...that would be worse, y'know? I tried sleeping on the couch last night, but that smelled like him too.” 

I stared into the depths of my coffee, feeling the familiar weight in my stomach. “I never told Mikey I tried to...to end things after my parents died.”

“Why did you tell me and not him?”

“I dunno. I didn't know how, I felt ashamed and scared of what he would say, I guess. With you...I didn't know you all that well back then, so it was like...it didn't matter what you thought of me so much.”

“He wouldn't have-”

“I know.”

Silence fell for a while, and Pete just stared at the floor while I drank my coffee. 

“How is Gerard?”

I blinked and shrugged. “I don't know, he's hard to read. But...he did kind of say he didn't want life to go on, so I guess pretty fucking terrible. He smoked three cigarettes yesterday, that's what he normally has in a week. I threw out all my alcohol cause Mikey said he used to drink...I'm just hoping I can keep him kind of together, y'know? Just like...hold it all-” I waved my hands a little ambiguously, bringing them together and lacing my fingers. “Like that, until he starts to heal on his own. Like a cast.”

Pete shook his head slowly. “And who's gonna be your cast?”

“I'm gonna see a therapist,” I answered softly. “I don't think Gerard would want to, and I don't want to force him into anything right now, but I know how much it helped me before.”

He smiled sadly and nodded a bit. “Yeah, you gotta do what's best for you...and for me, I think I need to go home and have some dinner. Do you have everything you need?”

I nodded quickly and set my mug down to pull him into a tight hug. “Thank you  _ so  _ much. You're amazing, Pete, you really are..”

He kissed my cheek as I let go of him and we smiled at each other a little shakily. “Call me if you need anything. I'll see you soon.”

“Yeah. Bye, Pete.”

~

Gerard finished the last drop of chocolate milk and leaned into my side, his head falling onto my shoulder easily, as if the motion was now second nature to him. I slid my arm around his waist and kissed the top of his head lightly, watching the tv still. Gerard had finally stopped shaking now. 

I'd given him the clothes and he'd changed into them immediately, right in front of me, tugging on Mikey's hoodie and burying his face in it. He'd cried for a long time after that and I'd just held him, trying to ignore the cloying scent of Mikey as I'd rocked the younger man back and forth. 

Gerard shifted, letting out a soft noise and nuzzling my neck. “Mm. Cutie pie,” I mumbled automatically, brushing my fingertips over his stomach. “You wanna lay down?”

Gerard nodded slightly, so I sank back onto the cushions slowly, carefully pulling him with me until my head hit the pillow. Gerard immediately wriggled out of my grip and rolled onto his side, curling up against me and resting his head on my chest. I couldn't see the tv through his hair, so I just amused myself by playing with the black strands gently. 

“I'm so tired, Frankie,” Gerard murmured after a while, but I knew he needed more than just sleep. 

“I am too, baby,” I soothed, lifting my arm up so I could lay it around his shoulders, resting my hand on his side. “But I'm here.”

He sighed softly and shifted, spreading his hand on my stomach. “Frankie?”

“Mm?”

“Would you ever...would you ever wanna be physical with me?”

I paused, twisting a lock of his hair around one finger and untwisting it again slowly. “If you wanted,” I answered at last. “We've got a little ways to go, though, Gee. We don't...I don't want to rush into anything, especially not now. I do like you, and I think you're very handsome, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that with you.”

“Me neither,” he sighed, scooting a bit closer to me. “But you wanted it from Pete.”

I swallowed hard and blinked a couple times. “You were listening?”

“I didn't mean to.”

I tightened my grip on Gerard slightly, squeezing his side ever so gently before letting go. “It was..I don't know. Pete and I never dated. We were never in love, he's my friend and we had sex sometimes. That's all it ever was, and I just...I feel like I need a distraction from the sadness. But...I've been there before, Gee, and it doesn't help. You just lay there afterwards and hate yourself. Or I do, at least.”

“Before?”

Gerard twisted his head to look at me briefly, furrowing his eyebrows and then settling his gaze back on the wall opposite him. 

“Yeah, my parents died a couple years ago, within like a month of each other. My mom died in a car crash and my dad passed away cause of cancer. They weren't married anymore.” 

I blinked, trying to figure out why I'd tacked on that last little bit. Was it important? Why had I said it? _ Fuck.  _

Gerard kissed my chest softly, finding my hand with one of his. “Frankie...Frankie, you're shaking..”

I took a deep breath, squeezing Gerard's hand gently. “I'm okay. I'm just overthinking things, that's all. How much did you hear when I was talking to Pete?”

Gerard yawned and closed his eyes before answering, his voice slower and softer. “Just that, really. I woke up when you left the room and then kinda drifted off again later.” 

“Okay.”

I rubbed my thumb over his knuckles a couple times, then gently patted Gerard's back. “Hey. You falling asleep?”

“I was,” he grumbled, not opening his eyes. 

“I'm sorry, but I gotta take my prosthetics off if we're going to bed,” I murmured, stroking my fingers through his hair. He slid off me reluctantly and rolled over, his back facing me as he curled up. I sat up and went through the process a little slower than usual, as my hands wouldn't stop shaking. 

When I'd finally finished, I swung my legs back under the covers and flicked the lights off before laying down facing Gerard's back.

“Gee..”

“Mm.”

I reached out, brushing my fingertips down his spine slowly. “Hey...don't you want a cuddle?”

He grunted noncommittally and I just sighed, slipping one hand under my head. 

 

Gerard slept in fits, waking up with jolts occasionally, other times just drifting in and out of consciousness as if with a current. My mind wouldn't switch off that night, and I found myself just laying there and staring at my friend as he slept. 

He slowly drifted closer to me over the course of the night, starting out with about a foot and a half of space between us, and jolting awake suddenly in the middle of the night only inches from my chest. 

Gerard panted softly, blinking at me as he scrabbled at the bedclothes lightly. 

“Hey, Gee,” I called quietly, my voice rough and slightly hoarse. “Hey, it's alright.”

He seemed to relax, his eyes slipping closed again and his head sinking into the pillow slightly. 

“What time is it, Frankie?”

I brushed his hair out of his face and glanced behind me at the clock. “Three thirty six.”

“Why are you still awake..?”

I looked back into his slightly worried eyes and shrugged. “I can't sleep.”

Gerard clicked his tongue and immediately snuggled up to my chest, burying his face in my shirt as he wrapped his arms around me tightly. “I'm here.”

His legs tangled with mine slightly and he flinched suddenly, then giggled, looking down. “Sorry, Frankie...my sweatpants rode up and your...they're cold..”

I chuckled and rolled my head back a little, stretching slightly. “Sorry, baby.”

I felt a familiar weight in my stomach, a sort of disgust, just before Gerard's lips found mine and everything else fell away. I focused on him, sliding my hand over his cheek and making sure to kiss back slowly and softly. 

“I don't mind,” he murmured as he pulled away, smiling slightly. “I don't mind, Frank. You're...you're handsome anyway.”

_ Anyway.  _

I smiled back as much as I could, reminding myself that Gerard didn't know, he couldn't know, he-

“Not...not anyway, that sounds bad. That’s...people say that to me,” Gerard mumbled, half to himself as he shifted a bit closer to me, one of my stumps brushing his leg again. He didn't seem to notice this time, running his hand down my side. “You're handsome just as you are.”

“Thank you, Gerard,” I murmured sincerely, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “Get some rest..” 

He smiled, grabbing at my hand and lacing our fingers together tightly. I relaxed slightly and draped an arm over his waist, pulling him in closer as his body started to go limp and his breathing slowed. 

With him this close, his warmth seeping into my skin and his soft breath flicking over my jaw, I couldn't help but feel relaxed and calm. I stared at our linked hands until my eyelids got so heavy I couldn't hold them open anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was okay for you guys! I'm actually halfway through writing chapter nineteen at the moment, so I'm hoping to keep the updates to every day rather than every other for a while :)  
> <3 Thanks for reading, and thanks for commenting, I love seeing what you guys think


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild mention of self harm and alcoholism

Gerard

 

Frank straightened up, his slightly sweaty hair sticking to his forehead. “That okay?”

Pete grinned at me, and I looked away quickly. It had been a week since he'd told Frank about kissing another man, and I couldn't get it out of my head. It was like a piece of meat stuck between my teeth that I just couldn't get out, but I didn't know exactly why. I wasn't angry, not particularly. It was just there, every time I looked at him, a little fact painted on the air above his head.  _ Pete made Mikey happy. Mikey died. Pete kissed someone else.  _

“Gerard?”

I jumped a bit and Frank smiled at me, running a hand through his hair. “Is that where you wanted the desk?”

I nodded quickly, then turned on my heel and walked out of the room quietly, heading into the kitchen. I heard Pete's surprised noise and Frank's ‘it's okay, let him go,’ but didn't stop. I opened the fridge and pulled out the jug of lemonade, then got two glasses down from the cupboard. I took the cap off the jug, letting myself enjoy the noise of the plastic threads scraping together. 

Once the glasses were full and the jug back in the fridge, I carried them back to what had been Frank's office. Frank looked up at me and smiled. “Hey..”

I pushed the glass towards him and he took it carefully, thanking me softly. I gave Pete his and he drank it all in one go, then glanced at Frank. “Well, that's all the heavy stuff done. I gotta get going, Frank, I'll see you soon.”

Pete kissed Frank on the cheek and I felt my chest tighten a little. 

“Bye, Pete..”

Frank's gaze shifted to me and I looked away immediately, staring at my bed. 

“You're really quiet today, Gerard. Is everything alright?”

“My brother’s dead.”

Frank was staring at me, I could tell. I should have known it was the wrong thing to say, I should have  _ lied.  _ But I wasn't always good at knowing when to lie.

“Gerard, I'm trying my best here, can you not get like that with me, please?”

_ Like what?  _ I blinked at the floor, my fingers starting to shake in my pocket. I'd only told him the truth, I didn't understand. I just nodded and Frank heaved a sigh, setting his glass down on the desk. “What can I help you with? I can get some more blue tack for your pictures?”

I shrugged and Frank groaned softly. 

“Gerard, how the fuck am I supposed to help when you won't  _ talk to me _ ?”

I took a tiny step back and Frank slipped past me, out of the room. I rocked on my heels a couple times, still trying to figure out what had gone wrong exactly. 

I climbed onto my bed, sitting on my knees as I started to stick my drawings to the walls slowly, methodically. I smoothed each one out, careful not to smudge or wrinkle the paper. 

I could hear Frank talking on the phone in the other room, but I didn't really listen. 

I concentrated on the pictures instead, pressing each corner with my thumb and rolling it out slightly so the paper was taut. I did it over and over, until I ran out of space next to my bed. 

Then I just sat there for a while, staring at them without seeing them. I felt slightly sick, but everything was numb at the same time. My throat felt a little tight, but there was just this heaviness in my chest. It made breathing seem tiring, and my heart beating seem unnecessary. 

I got up off the bed slowly, grabbing my wallet before heading into the living room. Frank was sitting on the couch, watching reruns of some crappy show I didn't like. He looked a little angry, but I really wasn't sure. 

“Frank?”

He glanced at me and sighed. “Mhm?”

“I...I'm gonna go out for a bit.”

“Why?”

I blinked, feeling like the response was a bit too fast, too loud. “Um. I just wanna sit for a bit...somewhere else.”

“What? Is my apartment not good enough for you? My fucking office that I just made into  _ your  _ bedroom isn't enough?”

I flinched, my voice coming out a bit strangled when I next forced myself to speak. “Do you want anything?”

“No, I don't fucking want anything,” Frank muttered, emphasizing the cuss word as he turned back to the tv. I wrenched the front door open and slammed it behind me as I fled down the hall. 

~

Anger was my best subject in the study of other people. Sadness was probably second. 

I was getting better at it as I got older, Mikey had always told me so. He'd always used to sit me down in front of the television and talk to me about body language while I watched whatever show was on. He made me play guessing games and did little quizzes with me. I liked it when I was little, but as I got older, I protested more to the idea of being ‘fixed.’ Mikey only ever tried to help me to make me feel better, but Mum and Dad had made me go to all kinds of therapy and other programs to make me ‘better’ and ‘normal.’ Mum had always asked me why I couldn't just be like Mikey. 

Mikey had always assured me that being like him wasn't a particularly good thing and I'd laughed, because he was trying to cheer me up. I got fairly good at reading Mikey, he was the only person I’d felt confident around, partly because I knew he would understand if I missed all the little, nonverbal cues, and partly because I didn't miss so many. 

But that had taken me nineteen years to manage, and I'd only known Frank for several weeks. He was usually patient with me, though, and he'd never really sworn at me before. I didn't like swearing much, at least not when it was directed at me. 

I sipped at my coffee, staring out of the window of the little Starbucks I was sat in. I still felt numb, but I could identify a little stirring of fear as well. 

I needed Frank, more than I really wanted to admit to myself. He was the only person I really had, with Mikey gone, and I needed him to like me and be patient with me.  If I lost Frank, I would be on my own, and I'd never been truly on my own before, even when Mikey had gone off to college. He'd still texted me every day and skyped with me when I was upset. He had always been reachable. 

It was still hard to believe that he was gone, in some ways. I kept picking up my phone and expecting to see a text from him or a Facebook post. Whenever Pete came to visit Frank, I’d look towards the door in case Mikey was there to pick me up. I even dreamt about him. When the dreams were good, Mikey would wrap me up in his arms and tell me I was gonna be okay, or sit down with me and ask me how my day was. It would feel normal and easy, and then I'd wake up to Frank snoring softly, or his soft kisses on my cheeks, and everything would come back far too fast. 

Sometimes I'd have bad dreams and I'd play through the moment I walked through the door and saw him lying there over and over, until I'd wake up sobbing. 

Sometimes I woke up to find Frank crying. That was always the worst for me, I never knew what to do. I always tried to hold his hand, and he'd usually let me and then I wouldn't know what to do next. I'd just lay there with him like an idiot and try to calm him down with sheer willpower. And then he'd always smile, sometimes so shakily even I knew it was fake, and he'd lie and say he was okay and that I should go back to sleep. 

My phone buzzed and I glanced at it, but didn't pick it up. 

**Frank, 16:42**

**Im sorry, G. Ddnt mean to snap. Just tired. <3 **

I sighed and turned back to my coffee. 

~

I kicked my shoes off next to Frank's and walked inside quietly, setting my wallet in the bowl by the door, where Frank kept his. 

“Gerard?”

I blinked, looking up. Frank's voice was shaky and tired, almost teary. “Yeah?”

“I'm stuck.”

I followed the sound of his voice, slipping into the kitchen. Frank was sitting on the floor, looking exhausted and upset. One of his prosthetics was laying across the room, so I picked it up and carried it over to him, kneeling down. 

“What's wrong?”

He looked at me, his eyes wet and his body trembling. “I slipped and it wasn't on properly and it came off...I t-twisted my other knee, it really hurts..”

“Why didn't you call me?”

He pointed to his phone, sitting on the counter across the room. “My knee, I can't move it, I'm kind of on top of it and it hurts, and I can't-”

I cut him off, as his voice was getting louder and shakier, his hands trembling even more in his lap. “It's okay, Frank. I'll get you up. Here..”

I moved to stand in front of him, slipping my hands under his arms. “I'm gonna lift you up and to the side a little and you gotta move your leg out from under you, okay?”

Frank nodded, taking a deep breath just before I pulled as hard as I could, lifting him up just enough for him to stretch his leg out in front of him with a light gasp of pain. 

“F-fuck..”

I lowered him back onto the floor, then collapsed, giggling a bit as I leaned back against the cupboards next to him. “There. All okay.”

Frank smiled, grabbing one of my hands with his. 

“Thanks so much, Gee.”

“I haven't gotten you up yet,” I pointed out, making eye contact with him for just a second before I had to look away. 

“No, I know, but I was really...I was freaking out a bit and it was really nice that you were calm and everything.”

“Do you have a wheelchair or something?” I asked, not sure how to handle the compliment. Frank chuckled softly and nodded slightly. “Mm, might be a bit easier. It's in the cupboard in your room, if you can get me into it you can dump me in bed for a while.”

I smiled and nodded, then glanced around the kitchen. “What were you doing? It’s so messy.”

Frank grinned and bumped my shoulder with his gently. “I was trying to make you some cupcakes cause I was really...I was impatient with you earlier and I took my feelings out on you, and I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it, Gee, I didn't.”

“S’okay,” I mumbled, even though it wasn't, and kissed his cheek lightly. “I'll go get the chair.”

 

By the time I'd gotten Frank into bed and helped him take off his other leg, we were both completely exhausted, so I threw myself down next to him and curled up. Frank was smiling at me sleepily, and reached out slowly, touching my cheek lightly. “You're adorable, did you know?”

I felt my cheeks flush a little and I just shrugged. “You should rest a bit.”

“Mhm. I should. But you're so pretty, I like looking at you.”

My cheeks went from slightly warm to rather hot and I looked away quickly, but Frank was already drifting off to sleep, his body relaxing slowly. 

~

“Gee?”

Warm arms wrapped around my waist and I felt Frank's face smush against the back of my neck as he kissed it. “Mm. Something smells really good.”

I giggled and gently shook him off, feeling a little too closed off. He seemed to get the message, letting go of me easily and moving around to stand next to me. “These look amazing!”

I smiled down at the cupcakes and shrugged. “You made the batter.”

“Mhm, but I abandoned it. You baked it and made them look all pretty.” 

“I did them the way Mikey liked,” I mumbled, and Frank wrapped an arm around my shoulders, kissing my cheek softly and lingering slightly. 

“They look really good, Gee.”

“Th-thanks.”

Frank pulled me a little closer to him, sliding his hand down so his arm was around my waist instead. “Do I get to eat one?”

I giggled and shook my head. “Well they're not just for looking at.”

“Good. I wanna eat one..”

I picked one up and kissed his cheek. “So do I. Can we sit on the couch?”

“Sure..”

Frank limped slightly as he made his way over to the sofa, so I pushed him down quickly. “You should be resting. I'll come sit with you if you want,” I mumbled, curling up against his side. “If you don't wanna be alone.”

“I don't, really,” he sighed, looking down at the cake in his hand. “I just...you...you look so much like him, like Mikey. And it's like...Pete says his bed still smells like Mikey a-and it hurts when he lays in it, but he can't...he can't wash the sheets. It's just unthinkable. It's like...well, it's so much more complicated with you, because you're a person, but it's a little like that. Sometimes I look at you and it really hurts because I can see loads of Mikey in your face, but I can't...I can't push you away. Am I making any sense at all?”

I smiled sadly and shook my head slightly. “Not really.”

Frank sighed and started to take the paper off his cupcake. “Looking at you makes me really sad some days, Gerard. But at the same time, it makes me really happy and I can't imagine not having you around.”

I nodded and unwrapped my own cake, breaking a piece off and smiling brightly as I offered it to Frank, bumping it against his lips lightly. He chuckled and gently pushed my wrist away, giving me a serious look. “If I snap at you again, Gee, it's not...it's not because I'm angry at you and it's not because you're doing anything wrong, it's because I'm in pain and sometimes I don't know what to do with that..”

I offered the cake again and he ate it this time, rolling his eyes. “I don't do that.”

“Do what?”

“Lash out when I'm angry or upset. I just..I take it inwards, y'know? I blame myself, a-and I try to just make the bad feelings go away. Doesn't matter how.”

Frank sighed and offered me a piece of his cupcake, which I accepted immediately. “I understand. I used to...well, Mikey told me that you used to drink a bit...and stuff. I used to cut myself a lot.”

He took his watch off carefully, showing me the thick scar on his wrist. “That's why I wear my watch on the left.”

I blinked, hit by a wave of sadness that felt like it knocked my chest back. “Frankie..”

He smiled slightly and kissed the side of my head. “I don't do it anymore, Gee. I'm alright. Just like you're not drinking, right?”

I gulped and looked down at the cake, slowly tearing off another piece. “Well. I've thought about it. But you threw it all out and I haven't wanted it badly enough to buy some.”

“Good. Promise you'll come to me if you do?”

I nodded. “Promise me you'll come to me if you wanna cut?”

“Promise.”

I offered him the bit of cake and bumped it against his cheek just as he opened his mouth. “Gotcha.”

He chuckled and rolled his eyes, taking the piece from my hand and popping it into his mouth. I put the rest of the cupcake aside and swung myself into his lap before he could move, straddling him comfortably. “You look cute today, Frankie.”

Frank grinned and rested his hands on my sides, just above my hips. “So do you.”

I giggled and leaned forward, slowly licking the frosting off his cheek before immediately kissing him, sliding my hands into his hair. Frank smiled into it, squeezing my sides gently as he opened his mouth for me confidently, kissing me deeper than I'd ever really been kissed before. Bert wasn't into tongue. 

I quickly shoved all thoughts of Bert aside and tugged on Frank's hair lightly, accidentally letting out a tiny, needy noise that made me blush straightaway. 

Frank purred as he pulled away slowly, running his hands up and down my sides slowly. “Just kissing for now, Gee..”

“I know..”

I let myself look into his eyes, and smiled slightly as he looked away, allowing me to study his eyes and face without the discomfort of eye contact. I slid my hands from his hair and laid them against his cheeks, dropping my head forward to rest my forehead on his. “Frankie..”

“I've got you, baby.”

I closed my eyes happily, Frank's thumbs brushing over my ribs and caressing my sensitive skin through my hoodie. I took a deep breath and pulled back slightly, lifting the hoodie off over my head and dropping it to the side. My security blanket gone, I wrapped my arms around myself awkwardly, glancing at Frank's face. He just smiled at me encouragingly, tucking my hair behind my ears. “You should wear just tee shirts more often, baby. They show off your figure. You've got curves and I love it.”

I smiled shyly, peeking up at him before looking away. “How about another kiss?” Frank suggested, lifting his hands back to my sides. “I really like your kisses, baby.” 

~

Frank collapsed onto the bed next to me, groaning softly. “You okay, Gee?”

I was sitting with my back against the headboard, my knees drawn up as a mock easel for my sketchbook. “Yeah. Tired.”

“I'm  _ exhausted.  _ But um. I have to tell you something, Gee,” he murmured, lifting himself into a sitting position slowly and carefully. “It might be a bit upsetting..”

I blinked, dropping my pencil into my lap and staring at Frank's hands. He moved one to my knee, rubbing lightly and soothingly. 

“They arrested Lucas for Mikey's murder,” Frank managed after a couple seconds. “He's been charged..”

I shifted my gaze back to the blank page, suddenly struggling to breathe. The tips of my fingers tingled, but I felt nothing, nothing except that maybe I was dying. 

“I haven't told Pete yet,” Frank went on quietly. “I think...I think I'm going to invite him over tomorrow. He’ll blame himself cause I told him to ask Mikey out and he was a wuss and didn't, and so Mikey ended up with..”

Frank was crying again, tears rolling down his cheeks as he tried to comfort me with that hand on my knee. I stared at his fingers, taking short, shallow breaths as I started to feel dizzy. 

“I want to kill him,” I forced out at last, gasping softly at the end. “I want to f-fucking kill that psychopathic fucking cunt. I want him to die.”

Frank pulled me closer to him, nuzzling the side of my head. “Me too, Gee. Me too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this! There won't be too much of Gerard's POV in this story, but it seemed like giving some of his perspective would be good. Thanks for reading <3


	13. Chapter 13

Gerard was holding my hand so tightly I thought the tips of my fingers might fall off, but I didn't pull away. After all his dismissive words on Mikey's funeral, I should have been surprised by how affected he was following the hearse to the church, but I just wasn't. 

“We’ll be there soon. I'm not letting go of you,” I soothed. Pete was in the backseat of the car, resting his head on the window as he stared out. We hadn't been invited to go in the limo, so I was driving. 

Gerard gasped a bit as we finally pulled into the churchyard. I got out as soon as we were parked, jogging around to open his door for him. He half fell into my arms, clinging to me as I gently guided him away from the car enough to shut the door. I hugged him as tightly as I could, just holding him as he buried his face in my neck. 

I didn't say anything, as there was nothing I could say that would really help. 

~

I sat down in the pew, Pete on one side and Mikey on the other. Pete had gotten through half a pack of tissues already, but Gerard wasn't crying. He rested his head on my shoulder, slipping his hand into mine and just grounding himself through me. He shook a bit when they brought the coffin in, and I rocked him just slightly, murmuring in his ear. 

“Mikey loved you more than anyone else here. He'd understand.”

Gerard buried his face in my sleeve and I wrapped an arm around him, taking his hand with my other one. 

There were a few hymns that Gerard refused to sing along to and then a speech from the vicar that Pete didn't seem to really be listening to. I focused on holding onto Gerard, until his mother stood up to speak. 

“Mikey was my only son..”

Gerard's head jerked up and Pete stared at me with shocked, wide eyes. I blinked, feeling the tears pricking at my eyes as rage filled my stomach. Mikey would have had a fit if he could have heard that, I knew it for a fact. She had  _ no fucking right  _ to say that at his funeral. 

Gerard tried to get up, and I let him go, glancing at his mother. 

“I loved him more than anything else in the world.”

“Fuck this,” I muttered, jumping up and hurrying after Gerard, who'd slipped out of a side door into the church garden and was now struggling to light a cigarette. I held the lighter steady for him, smiling sadly. “Gerard. Gerard, look at me, baby. It's her loss. Her  _ huge  _ loss. You're so so much better off without her. If she wants to disown you, so fucking be it, yeah? Pete and I will be your new family. Okay? Please please don't let this make you feel worse, baby.”

Gerard's face crumpled, but he stifled the sob with a drag off his cigarette. “She's a cunt.”

“She is. She is, baby..”

I watched him take another shaky drag, feeling my heart drop. This wasn't like the first time I'd seen him smoking, when the cigarette between his lips had seemed to give him confidence and new life. No, this looked like it was the only thing stopping him from breaking into a million pieces. 

Pete slipped out and pulled a face at me. “She's wrapping up, I didn't know if you wanted to say something, Frank.”

I nodded slightly and sighed. “I wasn't going to, but I will now.”

Gerard glanced at me in fear and I smiled at him reassuringly. “Hey. I'm not gonna start a fight, baby. Promise. I just...that...that would have made Mikey so so angry and upset. I need to finish it on something he'd have liked. Why don't you come inside with me?”

Gerard nodded and put his cigarette out against the stone under his feet, then grabbed onto my hand and let me lead him inside, tailed by Pete. I sat Gerard down in our pew and handed him over to Pete, who pulled him into a hug immediately. I tried to ignore the people staring at us and just glanced towards the coffin. 

“Would anyone else like to say a few words?”

I nodded quickly and hurried up to the mic, smiling sadly at the room full of people I didn't know. 

“I met Mikey in university. He had these really horrible glasses he couldn't really see through and the worst haircut on this Earth. I got to see him change from this cringy nerd into an amazing, confident young man. He was always kind, he loved to joke around, and he always struck me as so mature for his age. More so than me, I wasn't much of a mature kid. But um. When he introduced me to his younger brother a few months ago, he told me he was ‘hard work’ and shy, but that he was worried Gerard was lonely. I wasn't really surprised to find that they shared so many qualities. So much kindness and understanding, acceptance of others. I mean, what do you expect to get when you mix a man with no legs, a young, exceptional autistic man, and a hopeless romantic? Mikey turned us into a family. And we’ll...we’ll miss him f-for as long a-as..” I had to take a few deep breaths, letting the hot tears drip off my chin as I tried to get it together. “For as long as we live. But Mikey left so much good behind, and we’re living proof of that legacy.” 

I stepped down and hurried back to Gerard, regulating my breathing as best I could as I slipped into the pew and sat down next to him. Pete smiled at me sadly and Gerard buried his face in my neck, smiling against my skin. “Thank you.” 

~

Gerard sobbed as they lowered the coffin into the grave. I kept one arm tight around his waist, my spare hand holding one of his. We both shook a little and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Pete had turned away, his hands over his face. 

The other people crowding the grave, much closer than even Gerard and I weren't crying, only his parents. As they threw the roses in, Gerard broke away from me and wandered off, lighting a cigarette as he walked. I let him go, shoving my hands in my pockets and trying to judge how long I should give him space. 

“It's Frank, right?”

I looked up in shock, wiping the tears off my cheeks quickly. “Y-yeah. Hi, Mr. Way.”

Gerard's dad smiled at me, but there was no expression in his eyes. “I had no idea she was going to say that.”

I shrugged and glanced back at Gerard. “He's been hurt enough, don't you think?”

The rage boiled in my stomach, and I wanted oh so badly to punch him, but I couldn't. Not there or then. I was there to honor Mikey, and the life he'd given us. Not to fight. 

“I'm sorry,” he mumbled, and I felt the sincerity in my bones. “I'm just...thank you. For your speech. It was what he would have wanted.”

I nodded slightly and watched him go, then decided to check on Gerard. 

 

We sat there on the grass for about an hour. Gerard spent the time either sobbing or smoking, burning through over half a pack before he ran out of cigarettes. Pete sat with us, just staring at the grave in silence. He'd seemingly run out of tears. 

“We should have a party or something.”

I glanced at him. It was the first thing that had been said for at least half an hour. 

“To celebrate him,” Pete went on quietly. “He joked about it. He said he didn't want anyone to be sad at his funeral. He wanted everyone to get drunk and be silly.”

“Mm. Maybe not tonight.”

“Tomorrow night,” Gerard spoke up softly, then got up, brushing the dirt off the seat of his trousers. 

I watched him walk over to the grave and glanced at Pete. “Help me up?”

He nodded and half lifted me to my feet, letting me walk over to Gerard alone. I wrapped an arm around my friend-come-partner and kissed his cheek. “Hey cuddlebug.”

“Hi, Frankie.”

I took a deep breath. “Why didn't you sing in the church?”

“I don't like people hearing me, not that I don't know.”

I rubbed his side lightly, staring down at the coffin. “Mikey loved your voice. You should...you should sing something, baby. For him.”

“My voice is wrecked.”

I pulled out a flask from my breast pocket and handed it to him. “S’just water. Have a few sips, yeah?”

Gerard unscrewed the top and gulped about half of the contents down before handing it back. “Okay. He um. I can't sing the Misfits so well and it...it wouldn't work. So um. I'll sing Amazing Grace. He liked that one.”

 

By the time Gerard was finished, we were all in tears. Pete had walked over to listen, as enraptured as I was, and I'd held Gerard's hand as he reached for each note, plucking it out of the air with beautiful ease. 

We went home after that, and Gerard pulled me into my bedroom, his hands shaking. 

“H-help me change?”

I nodded tiredly and kissed his forehead. “I'm so proud of you, Gerard.”

I undid the tie I’d tied for him that morning and tossed it to the side, then started to unbutton his shirt, pulling it out of his slacks. “You wanna wear Mikey's hoodie?”

“Just a shirt.”

“M’kay.”

I tried to imagine it was normal as I slipped Gerard's shirt off his shoulders, like I'd seen and touched that beautiful, milky skin a million times, but my fingers still tingled. He had a little extra fat around his stomach and hips, but it seemed more as a result of his natural shape than being overweight. He was curvy, simply put. I tossed the shirt away and slipped the tee on in its place, then kissed Gerard's cheek. He stepped away from me to change into his sweats and I moved off to change my own clothes, tugging on a simple tee and a pair of shorts. 

“Frankie?”

I turned and Gerard looked up at me, sniffling. “Cuddle?”

“Of course, baby, but we should go to the couch,” I murmured, cupping his face in my hands and running my thumbs over his cheekbones. “Pete's still here and I don't think he wants to go home yet.”

Gerard nodded slightly and pushed through my hands, falling against my chest as he nuzzled my shirt. I slung my arms around his waist, resting my chin on top of his head as he trembled. 

“I've got you. I love you, Gee. And Mikey will always love you, wherever he is, I promise.”

“I know.” 

~

Gerard cried for a while and Pete and I drank soda and watched tv. I did my best to comfort Gerard, but gave him some ibuprofen and some water and let him cry it out until he finally fell asleep with his head in my lap. I pulled a blanket over his tightly curled body and combed his hair away from his face slowly. 

“I'm glad we weren't invited to the wake,” Pete said after a few minutes. I nodded slightly. 

“It would have been really awkward. Gerard's dad apologized to me for what his mum said. I should have broken his nose.”

“You did the right thing,” Pete mumbled, looking down at his lap. “Y'know...Mikey was really embarrassed that I took pictures of him when we went out...I took pictures of him laughing and smiling and sleeping and eating and I'm so  _ fucking  _ glad I did. He said it wasn't worth it, but it is...I knew after our first date that I wanted to marry him.”

I blinked at Pete and he sniffled, covering his eyes with one hand. “I'm sorry, Pete. I'm so sorry. It's not your fault..”

He just nodded a bit, trying to get himself composed. I played with Gerard's hair, staring at nothing. 

“I should go home,” Pete announced suddenly. “I really need a stiff drink.”

“Take care of yourself, though,” I sighed immediately. “Please, Pete. And call or text if you need me.”

“Same to you, Frank. And tell Gerard...tell Gerard I love him, yeah? We're a family, like you said. I know you didn't say I was...but..”

“No, I meant you too,” I smiled, sitting up a bit more as Pete got up from his chair. “I just...I didn't want to talk for long cause I knew I'd cry...we’re a family now.”

Pete nodded, hugging me tightly before kissing my cheek and hurrying off. As soon as I heard the front door click, I slipped out from under Gerard and stood up, carefully, but fairly easily picking him up. I carried him to bed and kissed his forehead lovingly as I tucked him in. I took my prosthetics off quickly and climbed in next to him, pulling him into my arms as I closed my eyes tightly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm running out of things to say in these notes tbh...   
> It just seems odd to say how much I hope you enjoy these really sad chapters and that's all I ever say, so I dunno. I know this story is kind of a bummer but I liked writing it.   
> I'm working on chapter 23 right now so I guess I just promise it gets happier. For the most part.   
> Thanks for reading <3


	14. Chapter 14

“What am I gonna do with it, Frankie?”

I was driving home after our meeting with the lawyer. Mikey had left everything to Gerard, including a $10,000 savings account. 

“Mikey always wanted you to go to college,” I pointed out gently. “Or you could just keep it and let it gain interest. Maybe for a car when you get your license..”

Gerard sighed, nodding slightly and staring out of the window silently. 

I let him have his quiet moment, thinking again over the note Mikey had left in his will.  _ Gerard. This is the number for Frank Iero. If you need someone and I'm not here, he's my best friend and I would trust him with anything. He’ll always be there for you.  _

It warmed my heart and made me want to cry at the same time. Mikey had known I would take care of Gerard, he'd always known. And he trusted me. They meant the world to me, those four simple lines. 

~~~

“Do you solemnly swear that you will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, under pains and penalties of perjury?”

“I swear,” I answered softly. Pete was sitting with Gerard, rubbing the younger man’s back as he rocked slowly. I'd bought Gerard some new headphones for the trial, so he didn't have to listen to any more of it than was necessary, but he'd taken them off when I'd been brought to the stand. I knew he was listening, even if he wasn't watching. 

“Thank you.”

I answered a few questions, mostly about Mikey's mental state before his death, and the suicide note he'd written days before. I told the prosecution and the defense that Mikey had been writing an elaborate note, one to declare his love for those around him and to assure Gerard and I that it was not our fault. I told them how happy he'd been leading up to his death, and his calls to tell me how much he was falling for Pete and loving his work again. I affirmed that he did not own a gun, he had planned to use pills and alcohol to kill himself before, and that the note found on him was not in his handwriting. It was only one line long. 

“Had Mr. Farroh demonstrated violent behavior before this?”

I took a deep breath and just shrugged. “He was rude to Mikey's younger brother, Gerard. He's autistic and Lucas called him retarded more than once and treated him like a pet dog. When they were together, Mikey acted differently towards Gerard, but he was always so caring to him before. He loved Gerard more than anything. I'm not sure what was going on, but Mikey's behavior must have altered because of Lucas. I was honestly more worried about Gerard at the time, I didn't...I didn't think Mikey was in any kind of trouble, he was smart and knew his own mind. Gerard's a bit more sensitive.”

The lawyer nodded. “So you're not sure?”

“He never showed any violent behavior around me, but I think their...intimacy was more rough than Mikey was used to. He had a few more stiff mornings. Lucas was also controlling about Mikey’s weight and he threatened Gerard once.” 

“Can you tell us more about that?” 

I nodded and looked down at my hands, taking a deep breath. “He said Gerard was a nuisance and he wanted me to ‘take him away’ for him. He said that if I didn’t, he would, and his tone was very threatening.” 

 

Shortly after that, it was Gerard's turn. I was allowed to sit just outside of the witness stand, but not allowed to speak to or touch him. He shook behind the microphone, staring into his lap fixedly. 

“I swear,” he mumbled when prompted, his voice already cracking. 

Pete caught my eye across the room and I knew his heart was breaking just like mine. I didn't want to watch this train wreck, but I knew if I left Gerard wouldn't be able to make it through. 

“Can you tell us about that morning, Mr. Way?”

“Don't call me that.”

I winced and ran a hand through my hair nervously. 

“Okay. Gerard, please tell us about the morning.”

Gerard gulped and took a heavy breath. “Mikey had just gotten home from Pete's. They were laughing and holding hands...Mikey brought me a scone from Starbucks. I n-needed to send a letter, so I went out for stamps. I had to go to the post office, on foot. Mikey said he was going to get some schoolwork done, Pete left at the same time I did. I was maybe...half an hour? When I got home-”

The lawyer cut Gerard off ever so gently. “He was already gone?”

Gerard forced out a small ‘yes,’ barely audible, even over the mic. “I tried to stop the bleeding, but his heart wasn't beating,” he whispered, then buried his face in his hands, starting to rock himself urgently. I covered my eyes with one hand, shaking badly and physically restraining myself from jumping up to give him a huge hug. 

“Would you have said that he was happy in himself that morning?”

Gerard couldn't answer, shaking as he started to sob softly. I stood up slowly, looking over at the judge. “Please, your Honor, could we take a break? He's...he can't..”

The judge nodded slightly and I helped Gerard out of the stand, keeping him near the two lawyers as I hugged him tightly, letting him bury himself in my chest. “You're doing so well, Gerard,” I murmured softly, stroking his hair slowly as I rocked him slowly. “I've got you. I'm here, I'm right here. We’re gonna have ice cream after this and a nice long rest, I promise. We’re gonna do our best so we can do right by Mikey, yeah? Whatever happens, Mikey would be so proud of you..”

When he'd finally calmed down enough to at least talk, I led him back to the stand and sat him down. Everyone in the court room looked a little shocked and concerned, and I saw a few pitying looks from the jury as they watched Gerard sit down. 

The lawyer that had been questioning him before repeated himself quietly. 

“Yeah,” Gerard mumbled, his voice hoarse and shaky. “Yeah, he was the happiest I’d seen him in a long time. He loved studying and he liked his job..”

Gerard glanced at me and I smiled at him as comfortingly as I could manage. 

“Didn't he have a history of depression?”

Gerard blinked and nodded. “Yes. It came and went, he was on an upswing, I think. He got really low, that's when he considered...hurting himself before, and that was his lowest point. He was going back up.” 

“Could he not have swung back down?”

I squinted at the defense lawyer, vaguely insulted by the questions. He was pushing too hard. 

“That didn't really happen with Mikey,” Gerard muttered, looking down at his hands. “When he was up, nothing much brought him down.” 

“Okay. I have no further questions.”

The prosecutor walked up, smiling at Gerard with more unwanted pity. I could see the uncertainty on Gerard's face as he approached, and knew he'd noticed something, even if he couldn't place it. 

“What were your first impressions of the scene when you arrived home?”

I tensed and curled my lip, catching Pete's eye again. He looked as horrified as I felt. Gerard's breath hitched audibly, his eyes wide. 

“B-blood...it was e-everywhere...I...I lifted his head a-and tried to wipe the b-blood off his face and he...he bled on my hands...I-”

Gerard fell apart. He stopped breathing, his mouth open slightly as his face twisted in unimaginable pain, then took a sudden gasp in, burying his face in his hands as the sobs started. 

“I think that's enough,” I snapped at the prosecutor, then looked up at the judge pleadingly. She nodded again. “There will be no further questions for this witness.”

I immediately grabbed Gerard from the box and bundled him out of the courtroom. 

~

Gerard was asleep against my chest, curled up under a blanket when Pete finally slipped out of the big doors and walked over to the couch I had claimed for Gerard and I, his hands shaking slightly by his sides. 

“How is he?”

“He passed out,” I answered simply, blinking at Pete slowly, completely and utterly exhausted. I couldn't feel anything anymore. “How'd it go?”

Pete took a deep breath, rubbing his already red eyes lightly. “Lucas tried to blame Mikey...he said he was ch-cheating on him with me…he said he did it because he saw us together. He said Mikey didn't d-deserve to be h-happy, and that he thought staging a suicide would be convincing cause Mikey was p-pathetic, ‘pandering to that fucktard of a brother he has.’ He fucking b-bragged..”

I pinched the bridge of my nose as hard as I could, forcing myself to breathe normally so as not to disturb Gerard. “What did he get?”

“L-life without p-parole..”

“Fuck. I'm s-so..I'm s-so glad. He's gone and Gerard didn't have to sit through that sh-shit..”

“Me too,” Pete mumbled shakily. “I'm going to go to the store on the way home and buy seven pints of ice cream and a six pack of beer and then I'm coming over.”

“Okay. Please don't...don't say that stuff to Gerard unless he asks.”

“I won't...I promise, I just needed to tell someone, it upset me so so bad,” Pete sighed, running a hand through his hair. “And I can't believe what those assholes put Gerard through. They had DNA evidence, they didn't need to push him that hard.” 

“I know,” I sighed, looking down at my fingers laced with Gerard's. “It was fucking ridiculous, but it's over now.”

“Mm, plus two more weeks of horrific nightmares,” Pete growled, kicking at the carpet. “I'm gonna go. I can't stand this fucking place.”

“Okay. I'll...I’ll be right behind you.” 

~~~

Pete was actually spot on. Gerard had two weeks’ worth of nightmares after the trial, the kind of nightmares where he woke up screaming, inconsolable, and frightened to go back to sleep. 

I did my best with him, cuddling him and kissing him and just generally being there. I let him sleep by himself when he wanted, and didn't object when he woke me up by crawling into my bed at four in the morning. 

Four weeks after the trial, Gerard was actually starting to get better. He was getting about six hours of sleep each night, and could get through a whole day without random fits of crying. He was getting more touchy with me, more affectionate and attention-seeking. I didn't mind, not really, but it was a little weird when I had to go to work and take him with me. He would either cling to me all day or sulk in the corner with his sketchbook and headphones, but I let him do what he had to. I forced myself to understand when I didn't, and to love him when I was so annoyed at the world I didn't want to be around anyone. 

Gerard shook my shoulder lightly. “Frank..”

I groaned and brushed his hand away sleepily. “Frank, you're working today, Pete's coming over, remember?”

“Shit. I gotta shower,” I mumbled, sitting up slowly. Gerard rubbed my side lightly. 

“How?” He asked, in that soft, curious voice I had a serious love-hate relationship with. 

“It's...hard.”

“You want a hand?” 

I took a deep breath, shaking my head slightly. “No, I'll be fine.”

“But-”

“Gerard, you're my...friend, not my caretaker, you don't wanna be hauling my ass around constantly.”

“Oh. I wouldn't mind,” Gerard said very quietly, sounding a little hurt. “Y'know, if you-”

“Gerard, I'm just...I'm not good at accepting help,” I sighed, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed so I could put my prosthetics on. 

“And?”

Gerard got up suddenly, grabbing my wheelchair from the corner of the room and pushing it over to the bed. “Here..” 

“Gerard..”

I glanced up at him and he smiled at me softly, his stupidly cute face gentle and almost pleading. “Get in, Frankie. Come on..”

I rolled my eyes and let him help me into the chair, clinging to his shoulders as he half-lifted me, quickly dumping me in the seat. He giggled and brushed his lips over my cheek. “Sorry. I'll get better at it, I promise.”

“You shouldn't have to.”

Gerard just ignored me, tucking his hair behind his ears as he picked up my prosthetics and pushed the chair into the bathroom. “How do you normally do this?”

“I have a chair thing in the shower, I put it in the cupboard out of your way the other day. Um. I get undressed and onto the seat and I put my prosthetics just outside where I can reach when I'm done...it's never a very dignified process..” 

Gerard opened the cupboard and pulled out the chair, setting it under the shower head. “Okay..”

He glanced back at me, his eyes a little uncertain, but with a sort of determination in the set of his jaw. “I could help you in with your boxers on and then you could take them off before you start the shower?”

I blinked, biting my lip softly as I considered the proposal. Gerard picked at the skin around his thumbnail, staring at the floor. 

“Alright. But just this once..”

Gerard nodded and leaned over, clumsily helping me pull my shirt over my head. “There...uh..” He hooked his thumbs under the waistband of my pajama pants and started to wriggle them down carefully. I pushed on the arms of my chair to lift myself up a little and he slid them down with ease, smiling to himself. “There we go..”

He took half a step back and glanced me up and down thoughtfully. “What's the best way to lift you?”

I could feel my cheeks heating up at this point and sighed softly. “One arm around my back and one under my knees..”

“Okay.”

Gerard leaned over and I quickly put my arm behind his neck, trying to help him as he slipped his hands under me and straightened up, gasping a bit. “You're heavy..”

“Thanks,” I mumbled sarcastically, but without much bite to my voice as Gerard managed to lift me up enough to sit me in the chair, a little bit heavily. “Shit..”

I couldn't help but smile as he panted a bit, then leaned up and pulled me into a surprise kiss. “Don't be so embarrassed, Frankie,” he murmured against my lips, resting a hand against my neck and stroking his thumb over my skin. “You're handsome and strong and I admire you so much. There's nothing to be embarrassed about.”

I grinned, feeling my chest tighten as Gerard pulled back, looking down at his hands. “You're perfect, Gerard. Did you know that?”

He giggled shyly and shook his head slightly, and I reached out to brush my fingertips over his cheek. “You are. You help me so much, in so many ways..” 

“You need to have this shower, Frankie,” Gerard mumbled, as firmly as he could manage. “Or you'll be late for work.”

“I know. Go on..”

Gerard kissed the corner of my lips and was suddenly gone, shutting the door behind him quietly. 

~

Pete was in the kitchen when I got home, and glanced up at me. “Had a good day?”

“No. Not really, Jason yelled at me for bringing Gerard to work last week, so..”

“On that topic,” Pete sighed, leaning back against the counter. “Gerard has not gotten out of bed all day. I couldn't get him to eat anything, he's either been asleep or staring at nothing. I bought a movie and tried to get him to watch it with me, but he just wouldn't..”

I groaned softly and rubbed my palms over my face. “Okay. Okay. Fuck, is he supposed to be on medication? Shit shit  _ shit _ !” 

Pete blinked. “He's been living with you for...how long? And you don't know?”

“Well, he hasn't been...acting differently? Like, outside of what would be normal..but he's probably depressed, right? Oh God..”

Pete grabbed my shoulders, squeezing them gently. “You really have had a shit day, huh? Don't panic, Frank. When we started cleaning out the apartment, I found Mikey's file cabinet. I should probably find anything about Gerard and give it to you anyway.” 

“Can you do it now, please?”

Pete smiled slowly, kissing my forehead softly. “Yeah. I'll go to my place and pick it all up and then I'll get some takeout. What's Gerard's favorite?”

“Um. Let me go ask, it changes every day..”

“Okay.”

 

I slipped into the bedroom, wincing. Gerard was laid out on his side, his hands hanging over the edge of the bed as he stared at the wall. 

“Gee?”

He didn't move, so I walked over and leaned down, stroking his hair out of his face. “Gerard. Pete's gonna pick up some food,” I murmured, careful not to put myself directly in front of him so he didn't have to look at me if he didn't want to. He stared through me instead. “What do you want? I know you haven't been hungry all day, but Pete wants to get your favorite. Can you tell me what you want, baby?”

“I don't want anything.”

“Okay, but I'm gonna get you something anyway.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to, Gee. I wanna get you something.” 

“I don't want anything.”

“Okay.”

I kissed his forehead softly, standing up. “I'll come check on you in a bit, okay?”

 

“He doesn't want anything.”

Pete sighed and shrugged. “He's been saying that all day.”

“Can you get him spaghetti and meatballs, please? It's what he wanted yesterday, but I didn't have any spaghetti.”

“Yeah, sure. I can get us pizza.”

I nodded, glancing back down the hall. “Thanks, Pete. I'll try and get him up.”

“Okay. He might get up for you.”

“I hope so.”

 

Gerard refused to budge, so I laid down behind him slowly, wrapping an arm around his waist and kissing the back of his shoulder. “I'm here, Gee. I know you need me, even if you won't admit it. I'm not going anywhere.”

He didn't reply, so I just lay there until Pete got back, playing with his hair and talking to him in soft tones. He didn't eat any of his food, and demanded to be left alone, so I wandered back into the living room with Pete, sitting down quietly. Pete dropped a file into my lap. “That's what Mikey had..”

I blinked at it, feeling even more uneasy. “Um. Wow.”

I opened the file, flicking through the seemingly endless diagnoses, evaluations, doctor’s notes, and finally Gerard's birth certificate and passport. “Holy fuck, that's a lot.”

“Yeah, but the most recent stuff is on top. He has a psychologist he sees once a week, I called her and set up an appointment for Wednesday at five, apparently it's his usual time, and one at six, so she can talk to you as well afterwards. I also called his regular doctor about any medications, and he said to go in tomorrow at four. Apparently there's a legal guardianship form that needs to be signed, Mikey is the last guardian on record for Gerard, and he never signed Gerard over to you, essentially, so you’ll both need to be evaluated by his current psychologist and his doctor, because social services are fucking arseholes. But yeah. If you want to be his legal guardian, that's how it works.”

I pulled a face and shook my head. “I'm not...but he's nineteen, he doesn't need a parent.”

“Apparently it's not even that, it's a form that says in an emergency, you're the first port of call. It's a form that states you're more important than next of kin, and considering his parents, I think it's a seriously good idea. Oh, and I ordered him a medical alert bracelet, it's got your number on it and that he's autistic.” 

“Pete, did you know you're a fucking saint?”

He smiled sadly and shrugged, rubbing his palms on his jeans. “Mikey would have wanted this sorted. And he would have wanted you as Gerard's guardian, I'm sure. I've also booked movers to come and pack Mikey's things and put it all in storage for us, okay? So the landlord will stop charging us rent.”

I nodded, burying my face in my hands and taking a very deep breath. “Fuck. I...I feel like I'm failing at everything. I haven't got this all sorted, there's prescriptions in here, so Gerard hasn't been taking his pills, I completely forgot about the apartment, I mean-”

“Frank, it's okay,” Pete cut in gently, wrapping his arms around me tightly and slowly pulling me against his chest. “It's alright. You're not failing, I promise. I'm here to help and you're taking care of Gerard. I'm happy to do the legal stuff and the movers, it's okay. You're busy doing the most important job. You're holding Gerard together, just like you said, and you've done such an amazing job, you've had so much on your mind. We’ll sort out his pills tomorrow and then you'll get these papers all done and out of the way and everything will be okay.”

I nodded shakily and ran a hand through my hair slowly. “Jason said if I brought Gerard to work again he'd fire me..”

Pete's eyes widened and he pulled away from me slightly so he could look at me properly. “What the fuck?”

“Apparently people complained,” I mumbled, sniffling a bit and trying to regulate my breathing. “They said he was distracting me or something. I don't fucking know. I'm gonna have to find a new job.”

“But-”

“I don't have anyone else to stay with him while I'm out!” I pointed out a little sharper than I'd intended. “If this was...before, I wouldn't mind. I'd be perfectly happy to leave him here and let him get on with things, but I'm so so worried about him now, Pete. So worried. I can't...I can't just leave him here by himself anymore. I would be worried sick all day.”

Pete sighed, starting to rub my back slowly. “What would you do?”

I groaned and shrugged. “I have no idea. I still want to start my own business and all that, but my savings...I feel like I need to buy a house. This apartment is too small for Gerard and I, he feels cramped and not really at home. I could buy a gym space or I could buy a house. That's...the bottom line.”

He rested his head on my shoulder lightly, still rubbing my back slowly. “Come up with a business model, write it all down, package it nicely, do the numbers. I'm sure we could find people to help, if that's really what you want.”

I nodded, dragging a hand through my hair. “Think about it, Pete. A gym for disabled people...and kids. We could have classes and charity days and...not just physical disabilities, too. Gerard hates the noise and the lights in our gym, we could...we could make it autism friendly and friendly to people with learning disabilities..”

Pete grinned at me and kissed my cheek softly. “You're so cute when you get all passionate, Frankie. I'd be so in on that idea, though. I'd quit my job and come work for you, for sure.”

“With me,” I corrected gently. “You'd definitely be working  _ with  _ me.” 

“Well, I'd like that.”

“Good.” 

“Frank!” 

I jolted a little when I heard Gerard calling for me. “Coming!”

Pete squeezed my shoulder before I stood up, shooting me a worried glance. I shrugged with one shoulder and hurried off down the hall, pushing the bedroom door open slowly. “Gee? What's up?”

“I don't wanna be alone.”

He was laying on his back now, staring up at the ceiling. I walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed, taking his hand gently. “I was talking to Pete, Gerard.”

“But I needed you.”

I sighed and lifted his hand, kissing his fingers softly. “Mm. Okay, baby. How about Pete comes and sits in here with us? He bought you a movie today and he said you didn't wanna watch it with him, I think that made him kinda upset, Gee. Why don't we watch it now?”

“Will you lay down with me?”

“Yeah.”

“Then I don't care what else we do.”


	15. Chapter 15

I turned the pill bottles over in my hands, reading each label like I did every day, completely out of habit. Gerard had Xanax for particularly anxious days or activities like flying, Prozac for depression and general anxiety, and the doctor had given me two epipens, as he apparently had a bad allergy to peanuts. I supposed it was a good thing I didn't like them much. 

I had already given notice at my job, and told Jason that I had no other option than to bring Gerard along. I'd explained the situation as calmly and extensively as I could without crying, and he said he'd pay me another week but I didn't have to go in. 

Gerard had been back on his meds for a week now, and despite it having been a rough week, I could see he was on an upswing. He wasn't talking much, but he was sleeping more normally and working a few hours a day on commissions that seemed to be ever increasing in price. 

“Frankie?”

I turned and flashed him a brief smile before opening the Prozac bottle and tipping one into my hand. “Hey. You gotta take your pill.”

“I know.”

Gerard came to stand next to me, holding his hand out. I dropped the pill in and handed him a glass of water. 

He swallowed and looked up at me briefly. “Frank, I want you to be my boyfriend.”

“Hmm? Why's that?”

He leaned his head on my shoulder, staring out of the window that was directly in front of him, over the sink. “Because I like you. I like kissing you and I like it when you hold me at night, and because I want to have sex with you.”

I'd already developed a fairly good resistance to showing surprise when Gerard came out with odd statements, so I just looked down at him with a slight smile. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. You're really handsome, Frank.”

“Thank you. I think you're very handsome too. But I want you to be completely sure, baby.”

Gerard looked up at me, smiling shyly and making eye contact for a whole four seconds before looking away. “I'm sure. I miss it, kind of. And I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I just...have some things I want from you.”

“Like what?” I asked, pouring myself a cup of coffee from the machine. 

“I don't like being touched lightly during sex. I like pressure. Like this.” Gerard ran his hand down my arm, his fingertips just brushing my skin. “That's bad.” He ran his hand down again, pressing into my flesh hard enough for me to feel it and to show dimples around his fingers, but not in any way painful or uncomfortable. “I like that.”

I nodded and slipped my arm around his waist loosely. “I can manage that.”

“And I like being talked to. I don't like long periods of silence.”

I smiled and took a long sip from my coffee. “Alright, Gerard. How about you get some work done today while I work as well, and then I cook us a nice meal and we have a sort of romantic dinner? Then maybe after, yeah? Lots of build up, time to enjoy ourselves a bit.”

“Sounds good, but does that mean you're my boyfriend?”

“Yeah,” I chuckled, kissing the side of his head. “Yes it does, Gerard.” 

~

Gerard was eating his lasagne like it was the only meal he'd seen in days, but I didn't mind at all. All it meant was that he absolutely  _ loved  _ my cooking. In fact, he'd already declared it was better than any restaurant.

I ate more slowly, resting my hand on his knee under the table.  _ Boyfriend.  _ I liked the word. I hadn't had many boyfriends, not really. I'd had Mikey, and I'd sort of had Pete, but none of the other relationships I'd ever had had lasted more than a couple months. It had never really bothered me, but the fact that Gerard had had a longer relationship with Bert than I'd managed to achieve with anyone other than Pete, who didn't count and never did, made me smile. I wasn't jealous. I was happy, for Gerard. He'd gotten something I'd missed out on, but he'd needed it more than I had, and so it was balanced out, in my books. And now he wanted that with me. He wanted to give that to me. 

I found it hard not to get emotional about it. Gerard trusted me with his body and his heart, this perfect, fragile man had handed me everything he had in the world and had asked me to take care of it. 

“Frank.”

I blinked, smiling at Gerard as he stared at me. “Frank, you look upset.”

“Do I?”

“I think so.”

“Oh. I just...I think it's really special that you trust me. And I guess...I wish Mikey could have seen us like this. He would have been so happy for you, and me..”

Gerard looked down at his plate, poking lightly at the sauce still sitting there. “Yeah..”

I squeezed his knee and pulled him into a side hug, nuzzling his hair. “Don't be sad, Gee, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, I should have known it would upset you.”

He smiled slightly and leaned into me a little. “It's okay. You're right, Mikey would have liked this.”

I let him pull away, but planted a soft kiss on his cheek before he could lean too far. “Mhm..”

~

Gerard was straddling my lap on the couch, his fingers tangled in my hair and his mouth working against mine. His whole body was pressed to mine as he kissed me slow, letting me kiss back at the same pace. He slowly pushed it faster, then suddenly rolled his hips to mine, rubbing his semi against my sensitive crotch. I groaned into the kiss and he grinned as he pulled away, leaning back to grind himself against me slowly. “Mm. You like that, Frankie?”

I nodded quickly and gently gripped his hips as he unbuckled his jeans, reaching inside and grabbing his junk with one hand, squeezing lightly. He let out a strangled moan and I felt my whole body stir. I gently pushed Gerard off my lap and grabbed his hand, towing him after me as I hurried to the bedroom. He quickly climbed up and I sat down on the edge, starting to take off my prosthetics.

“Frank?” 

Gerard rested his chin on my shoulder. “Why're you taking them off?”

“I just...I always do. I usually at least nap after sex, and...I dunno. It's just more comfortable.”

“Okay.” He kissed the side of my head and I heard the bed creak as he got up, dimming the lighting a bit and shutting the door. There was the jingling of his belt and the rustle of fabric before it all went quiet. I tossed my sleeves and liners into the bedside drawer, pulling out lube and a condom instead and setting them on the top. I swung my legs up onto the bed and Gerard was laying underneath the covers, smiling at me a little shyly. “Hi.”

“Hi, baby,” I murmured, slipping my shirt off. Gerard immediately reached over, starting to rub my chest over my tattoos, grinning to himself. He flicked his gaze back up to me and suddenly I saw a flash of nervousness. “Frankie?”

“Yeah, baby?” I asked as soothingly as I could, starting to take my shorts off. 

“Have you had lots of fit boyfriends?”

I blinked and took a deep breath. “I haven't had many boyfriends, Gerard. But I suppose I've had sex with a lot of fairly fit guys. Why?”

Gerard blushed and looked down at my chest again. “Cause I'm not very fit.”

I chuckled and rolled over onto my side, gently taking one of his hands. “Gerard, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, okay? I don't care, Gee. I've only ever had sex with people I could...connect with in some way. I've probably...I've probably only fallen completely in love once, and he...dumped me. I'm not someone who's gonna think you're too fat or too thin or too this or that. I appreciate you for you, and sex is um. It's a way to show that.”

“Was it Mikey?”

“What?” 

Gerard blinked at me as if it was obvious. “Was it Mikey you fell in love with?”

“Yes.”

“And he dumped you cause you wouldn't have sex with him enough.”

“Yes.”

“And you stuck around for him?”

I shrugged and squeezed Gerard's hand gently. “He broke my heart, but I still loved him. A part of me still is in love with him, I think. But the rest of me is falling for you, Gerard.”

“I'm not as good as Mi-”

“Don't finish that sentence,” I cut in quickly. “You're different to Mikey. Doesn't mean you're worse, but different. I wanna do this with you and I wanna make it the best you've ever had.” 

Gerard blushed and giggled softly, running his hand up to my neck and stroking his thumb over my jaw. “I want this to be the best you've ever had, too..”

I smiled and kissed his wrist lightly. “I'm sorry if I'm a bit awkward, Gee. I just...it's been a while, and with my legs it's hard sometimes..”

Gerard leaned over and kissed me softly. “That's okay. I'm awkward sometimes too.”

I smiled into the kiss and broke away to sit up. “Come on, then..”

Gerard grinned and tossed the blankets away from his body, climbing on top of them and gently pushing me back. “Mm, Frankie..” He kissed me softly, leaning over me before I could study his milky pale skin. 

I remembered what he'd said and pressed my hands against his sides, dragging them down slowly. “You're beautiful, Gee,” I murmured against his lips and he giggled, burying his face in my neck before nipping at my skin lightly and rolling his hips down against mine. I let out a soft moan and arched my back, rolling my head back as he dipped his hips again. 

“Mm, can't wait to feel you inside me,” Gerard growled in my ear, sliding one hand up my chest to my cheek. 

I froze up a bit and gently pushed at Gerard's shoulder. “Gee. Gee, I've never topped before..”

“Oh..”

Gerard sat back slightly, looking down at my chest. “Um. That's okay. I can..I can ride you, Frank. If you can't...with your legs..”

I nodded awkwardly, knowing I was already the color of a tomato. “Okay, I'll try it. I'm not sure if I'll like it, though..”

“That's okay.”

Gerard shifted his gaze up to meet mine and smiled his beautiful smile, the one that made his nose wrinkle and his eyes sparkle. “I like you, Frankie.”

He leaned over and kissed me again, much firmer this time as he slid his hand into my boxers, wrapping it around me. I gasped embarrassingly loudly and arched my back again, accidentally breaking the kiss. 

The last time I had had the hand of someone who wasn't Pete around my dick was at least a year ago, and it felt unfamiliar and slightly odd, but not unpleasant. 

Gerard sat back again, arching his back slightly as he stretched up. He'd lost weight recently, and despite the unfortunate circumstances around it, he looked  _ good.  _ He had a very womanly body in terms of his lines, as he had a long waist that dipped in and then curved out again at his hips, just slightly. He had that perfect hourglass shape. 

I ran my eyes over his smooth chest and down, blinking as I reached his junk. Gerard was somehow even pretty in the department that I usually thought was a little ungainly, even ugly. 

He was perfectly formed, almost like a textbook diagram, with everything clean-shaven and smooth. “I don't like body hair much,” Gerard mumbled suddenly, sounding slightly uncomfortable. “It scratches and catches on things and I really hate the way it feels..”

I grinned and reached up, stroking a hand down his chest slowly, remembering once again to put pressure on his skin. “You look stunning, Gerard. You're very sexy, baby..”

“Thank you. I think you're very sexy as well.”

I chuckled and grabbed a chunk of his hair gently, pulling him down into another kiss, this one more passionate and needy, even a little commanding. Gerard was nothing like any other man I'd ever had sex with, even his brother, and yet he was everything I wanted. Everything in my body suddenly ached for him. 

I reached over and grabbed a condom and lube, handing them both to Gerard, who grinned at me innocently. “I prepped myself before dinner,” he announced as he tore open the packet. “I always find prep an awkward part of sex.”

I chuckled, resting my hands just under his ribcage and rubbing my thumbs back and forth over the bones. He shivered a little and giggled. “That's my sensitive spot..”

“Mm, I'll have to remember that,” I purred, watching him slip the condom out of the packet and inspect it before rolling it onto me. I twitched a little at the contact, so Gerard leaned down and kissed my tip softly. It didn't really help. 

“Gee..” I groaned, and he blinked at me, a little surprised. “Yes?”

“Fuck, I want you..” 

He blushed and took the top off the lube, putting plenty on his fingers before replying. “I want you too, Frankie.”

I bucked up slightly as he smoothed the lube over my length, but he didn't seem to notice except to smile to himself sweetly. He sat up afterwards, tossing the lube and condom wrapper aside hurriedly before moving to straddle my hips. “Have you really never..?”

“Nope.” I mumbled, nervousness settling in my stomach again. Gerard smiled shyly. 

“Well I hope I'll be good enough for your first time..”

I shuddered as he sank down, moving incredibly quickly. It was overwhelming, the feeling of tightness around my entire length, and the mind-blowing heat of Gerard that seemed to warm my entire body, and I gasped. “F-fuck..”

Gerard grinned and leaned down, kissing me softly before starting to roll his hips, his eyes closing up as he let his lips part slightly. “Ah...Frankie, you fill me up so perfectly..”

I slid my hands down to his hips, barely able to speak as he started to bounce, just lightly at first, but quickly speeding up and exaggerating the movements until he was moaning with each one, his head rolled back and his body tense. 

“G-Gee..”

He stopped immediately and blinked at me worriedly. “Am I-..?”

“You're a-amazing,” I choked out, trying to catch my breath. “You're f-fucking amazing, but I wanna try doing it for you..”

“Oh, okay..” He smiled a little shakily, his body trembling as he climbed off me and laid down next to me. I kissed him quickly, then pressed my forehead to his for a couple seconds. “Thank you for this, Gee. All of it.”

He didn't say anything, so I climbed over him, gently lifting his knees as I figured out the most comfortable angle for my legs. I pressed one hand against Gerard's stomach when I was comfortable, smiling at him nervously. “Gee. I'm gonna..”

He opened his eyes and grinned at me as I pushed into him slowly, filling him up. His head rolled back and he moaned again softly, his body relaxed and trusting. 

“I love you, Gerard,” I groaned, then leaned over and kissed him harshly, pulling back almost all the way before slamming into him again. 

~

Gerard was smoking by the window, his whole demeanor relaxed and comfortable. I was still laying in the messed up sheets, watching him. He'd cleaned us both up and kissed me, then laid with me for a while before announcing he needed a cigarette. 

“Gee..”

“Mhm.”

“Do you love me?”

He looked over, flicking the ash off his cigarette and into the ashtray. “I think so. I'm not sure yet, Frankie. I want to.” 

There was a brief pause. 

“I'm sorry, Gerard. If the sex wasn't good.”

Gerard laughed softly and took another drag before replying. “It's okay. It wasn't bad, Frank, it's just that you've gotta get used to...being on top. It takes practice, just like anything else. But I think the top is where you belong.”

“If you say so.”

“I just did.” 

“The bed’s cold.”

“Do you want me to turn up the heating?”

I snorted and shook my head, patting the mattress next to me. “No, baby, I meant it's cold because you're not in it. As in, I want you in it. With me.”

Gerard grinned and shook his head slightly as he looked down, his cheeks flushing. “I need to finish my cigarette.”

“Okay.”

He took another long drag, blowing the smoke out of the window before looking back over at me. “I would like to draw you like that sometime.”

I blinked. “Naked?”

Gerard just smiled. “Yeah, but also your hair is all messy and your skin is sweaty. You look...like a porn star, but in a good way.”

I stared at him as he put out his cigarette and walked over to me slowly, slipping on a pair of boxers before climbing into bed next to me. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

He flopped down next to me, slipping an arm around my waist and kissing my throat sleepily. “I need a nap now. I wanna just lay here and sleep with you.”

“Okay..” 

~~~

“Hi, Chris..”

I sat down on the couch, taking a deep breath as I folded my hands in my lap. My therapist, Chris, sat down across from me, smiling as he tucked his long black hair behind his ears. 

“How are things going, Frank?” He asked softly, smiling at me encouragingly. 

I shrugged and looked down at my hands, taking a deep breath. “Gerard and I had sex and I guess…he's my official boyfriend now..”

Chris nodded, scribbling in his notebook. “That's great, Frank. How was Gerard about it? Was he calm, did everything go smoothly?”

I chuckled to myself and shrugged. “He was more confident than me, really. He did have a smoke afterwards, but he didn't seem upset.”

Chris smiled and shook his head slightly. “Some people smoke after sex, it's a habit.”

“If you say so. Uh. We’re gonna go and visit Mikey tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it, not really. Gerard will get really upset and...I don't know. I hate seeing him hurting like that.” 

“How do you think he’ll be?”

“I'm not sure,” I sighed, rubbing my eyes slowly. “His psychologist seems to think he’ll...pull through quicker than me. Because of his autism or something. I'm not sure.”

Chris tilted his head to one side. “Well, he is forming new connections with you and coming to rely on you, so he won't be missing Mikey so much as a carer figure. You've said before that he didn't consider Mikey's body to be him, that he seemed to have a fairly black and white view of things there.”

I leaned back in my chair, folding my arms over my chest. “I'm just not convinced. I think maybe that he's just grieving a bit differently. I mean…he's been drawing and painting Mikey a  _ lot _ , one or two of them were a bit graphic, but he threw those out...I think he's just going through a more internal process.” 

Chris nodded slowly, scribbling something again. “That's very possible. Has he said anything about changing routine or adding something different into his life?”

“Not really. I've mentioned university to him because Mikey always really wanted him to go...he didn't say no, but he didn't say yes. He said that he was still very nervous about it and he didn't really trust himself, so I dropped it for now..”

Chris sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking down at his pad. “So how are you, anyway? I've heard a lot about Gerard again, but not so much about you.”

I blushed a bit and smiled. “He's just such a big part of my life...well. I've kind of been fired and quit at the same time this week. My boss said if I brought Gerard into work again he'd fire me, so I quit. Um. I'm trying to find another job, but there's this voice in the back of my mind...I've always wanted to set up my own business and have a gym for disabled kids and adults. For people like me and people like Gerard, y'know? We could have physical therapists there and we could have it be more quiet and have less harsh lighting, less mirrors, and so on..” I sighed, trailing off and looking down at the floor. “But if I buy a space and start investing in it...I won't be able to buy a house for a while, y'know? Gerard says he feels cramped sometimes and that he doesn't like being in the middle of the city, and I don't want him to feel-”

Chris held up a hand and shook his head. “Frank, I don't think you should be worried about that. If Gerard seems to be doing okay, then work on you. These are long term goals, if your relationship continues, the business could potentially give you a much greater return than just working for someone, and you can buy a bigger house in a nicer area and make Gerard more comfortable. Sometimes you need to be a bit selfish in the short term to be generous in the long term.”

I nodded slightly and rubbed the bridge of my nose slowly. “Um. I've been drawing up a plan and forecasting numbers and things. Gerard's been helping me do like...vision sketches or whatever they call them and coming up with logos. I've even found an ideal space...Pete thinks I should put it on a crowdfunding website..”

Chris grinned and nodded. “No, you definitely should. You're really passionate about this, Frank, and I think that's really great. We need more people on the planet who are passionate about helping others.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this wasn't too bad, I'm out of practice again writing smut. Anyway, let me know what you thought! I'm currently trying to figure out how to end this story so that's fun. I hate writing endings :/   
> Thanks for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

Gerard 

 

Frank was drooling on the pillow. I just smiled to myself, snuggling up to his warm, toned chest and pushing my face up against his throat. He grunted softly and his arm slid down over my waist, tightening ever so slightly before relaxing. I laid there for a while, my breathing in line with his as I stared at the back of my eyelids. 

I liked quiet moments like this with Frank. Having him this close was peaceful and soothing to me, and his pressure and warmth was enough to help distract me from my thoughts. 

I shifted again and Frank mumbled my name, pulling me closer until my entire body was flush against his. I could feel his morning semi pressing into my stomach lightly, but I found it more comforting than sexual. 

“I love you, Frank,” I murmured, knowing he was awake by the pattern of his breathing. 

“I love you too,” he answered simply, and I smiled to myself as I relaxed even more and pressed a light kiss to his collarbone. “What's my schedule today, Gee?”

“Uhm. Shower, breakfast, go with Pete to talk to the sellers of that space you like, and then lunch, probably with me and Pete, and then my therapy appointment before we come back here to cuddle.” 

Frank chuckled softly and kissed the top of my head lovingly. “Perfect. Sounds like a good day.”

“Yeah.”

“You gonna help me shower?”

“Sure.”

We'd gotten a little better at showering, now that Frank was getting more comfortable with it. I'd been working on lifting him the right way, and could now get him in and out of his wheelchair without too much fuss. 

Frank sat up slowly and I wriggled away slightly, yawning before getting up and stretching. Frank watched me as I brought the chair around to the bed, then swung his legs over the edge. I leaned over quickly and lifted him into the chair as fast as I could manage, then straightened up and started to push it towards the bathroom. Frank closed his eyes for a few seconds, and I parked the chair by the toilet. “You need to go, Frankie?”

“Mhm.”

Frank wriggled his boxers off carefully and I put the toilet lid up, then lifted him out of the wheelchair and onto the seat. I took the chair out of the room while Frank sorted himself out, and wandered back in when I heard the toilet flush. 

I lifted him onto his shower chair and kissed his cheek, but before I could step out, he turned the shower on, dousing me with water. I squealed and he grinned, gently grabbing at my hips. “Shower with me?”

I rolled my eyes and tugged my wet boxers off, tossing them out of the shower cubicle. “You could have just asked, Frankie.”

“That wouldn't have been anywhere near as fun.”

I knelt down in front of him, caressing his thighs as he smiled at me. He was still sporting a semi between his legs, but it had risen a little bit since I'd thrown my boxers out. 

“Frankie..”

He followed my eye line down and quickly squeezed his legs together, his cheeks flushing red. I giggled and grabbed his knees, pulling them apart quickly. “Frankie...I wanna see..”

Frank drew a breath in and relaxed his legs apart. I spread them even wider, scooting in closer so I could press kisses to the insides of his thighs while running one hand down my chest and stomach slowly. I exhaled softly as I wrapped my hand around myself, starting to pump slowly as I stared at Frank's erection hungrily. “Frankie..” I whimpered, shifting a little, not knowing quite what to do. I wanted him to throw me against the shower wall and pin me there, hard, but there was no real chance of that happening. Frank stared at me, his mouth open slightly and his eyebrows knitted together. “Fuck, Gee. I wanna...I can't..”

The water ran over his tattoos, making them stand out shiny and fresh-looking. 

“I have an idea, but I need to go get something,” I said quietly, and Frank nodded eagerly. “Okay..”

~

I slipped back into the bathroom, setting the lube and condom down just outside the shower door before slipping inside. I kissed Frank briefly, then moved his chair out of the way and dropped the old yoga mat down on the floor. “Look, if I put it down and you kneel on it..”

Frank blinked and nodded. “I think that might work...I’ll try it..”

I grinned and grabbed the condom and lube from outside, setting the lube down by the mat. I ripped the condom open and knelt down in front of Frank, kissing his tip softly. I opened my mouth and his hand suddenly came down, gently pushing my head back. “Gee..”

I blinked up at him in confusion and he shuddered. “I hate giving head, Gee,” he mumbled, by way of explanation.

“But I don't.”

“Oh...I just..”

“It's okay.”

I smiled up at him as I ran my hand down, over his shaft and to his balls, rubbing the spot behind them with one finger as I massaged them with the rest of my hand. Frank bucked up immediately, gasping out softly. 

“G-Gerard...w-wanna fuck you..s-so hard..”

I giggled and slipped my hand away, instead rolling the condom over his length. I moved his chair over to the mat and held him tightly as he slid out of it to kneel on the soft foam. “That's it, Frankie..”

I pressed the bottle of lube into his hand and kissed his cheek before laying down in front of him, my knees up and ready. 

Frank gently pulled me closer, much more confident than before as he leaned over me, wasting no time at all before pressing into me. 

I writhed a little, grabbing onto his arms and digging my nails in as he stretched me. Frank wasn't particularly small, and without prep it was just painful enough to make me regret my choice. 

It was over fairly quickly, though, and Frank kissed me lovingly, then pressed his hands against my sides and slid out of me before pushing in again steadily. 

He fucked me slow and sweet on the shower floor, his hands all over me, his voice soft and low, and his body working with mine perfectly, like the drums and bass in a good rock track intertwining to form the rhythm. 

I ended up biting down on Frank's arm as he leaned over me, his body shuddering from his orgasm. His moans had tipped me over the edge and I had cum hard, his cock still pressing on my prostate as I covered our stomachs in stickiness and bit down on his arm to stifle the scream. 

He didn't seem to mind, pulling out of me slowly and reaching down to pump me, carefully and conscientiously milking every drop of cum from my body. 

I just stared up at the ceiling as he settled down next to me, his arms wrapped around me lazily and his face pressed against my shoulder. 

I watched the blood run off his arm as it mixed with the warm water, and soon let my eyes slip closed. 

~

Frank was carrying me down the hall, my body wrapped up in a warm, fluffy towel. I blinked at him sleepily and he grinned down at me, kicking the bedroom door open. 

“I didn't always have you to get me out of messes,” he pointed out softly, laying me down on the bed ever so carefully. “I have to go out fairly soon to meet up with Pete. You wanna stay here?”

“No, I'll come..”

“Okay. I'm gonna go make us breakfast, alright? You get dressed when you're ready.”

“Okay...Frank..?”

He paused in the doorway, looking back at me. 

“I love you,” I murmured, a little nervously. “I've decided.”

“Good, because I love you too,” Frank grinned, blowing me a kiss before slipping out of the room. 

~

Frank whistled as I walked into the kitchen, immediately making me blush. “I'm taking my hoodie with me..”

“That's okay..”

He set the spatula he'd been holding down and walked around the counter to rub my hips. “You look stunning, baby..”

I was wearing tight black jeans with a fairly fitted grey tee shirt. It wasn't really special, but considering my usual baggy jeans and hoodie, it was a move in the right direction. According to Frank, at least. I wasn't usually bothered about the clothes I was wearing except to provide warmth, comfort, and security. Frank wanted me to have a style. 

“Mm, I got you a present, baby, it's on the couch. I gotta finish these pancakes, okay?”

I nodded and kissed his cheek before breaking away and wandering into the living room curiously. Laid over the back of the couch was a pale green button up shirt, in an almost shimmery fabric with a tiny embroidered coffee cup on the corner of the breast pocket. I picked it up carefully, shocked by how incredibly soft it was, and hurried into the kitchen with it. Frank smiled at me, setting two plates down on the table. 

“Do you like it? I saw it in the store and picked it up, I thought...well..” Frank was blushing a little now, but shrugged slightly. “It's the color green that's in your eyes, I thought it would look nice on you.”

“Help me?” I asked, starting to take it off the hanger. Frank grinned immediately and gently took it off me, undoing all the buttons as I slipped my tee shirt off. “It's soft.”

“Yeah, I thought it'd make you a bit more comfortable,” Frank murmured, helping me slip my arms into the shirt sleeves. “You're so sensitive to touch..”

I blinked and smiled, letting Frank run both his hands over my ribs before starting to button the shirt. I'd had that exact sentence spoken to me before, but it had seemed so mean, so derogatory. The way Frank had said it made it a pure, clean fact. A fact that he thought about and thought about enough to make sure my clothes were right. I wanted to kiss him, so I did. 

Frank chuckled as I broke away, looking down. “What was that for?”

I took a deep breath, thinking about how to sum up all of those complicated thoughts and feelings. “I love you,” I managed. 

Frank kissed my forehead and finished the last button, leaving the two top ones undone so I didn't feel choked. “I love you too, but it seemed like that was a more meaningful kiss.”

“More meaningful than I love you?” I mumbled, puzzled as I looked into his gentle hazel eyes. 

“Yeah. Well...it seemed like it was for something more specific.”

I blinked slowly and fiddled with the cuffs of the shirt. “I'm so sensitive to touch. You said it like...like it was a fact. Just a fact. Most people say it and...they think I don't notice, but they have this tone. Like it's not okay, because it's not normal. A-and you said it like it was just how the world was and you just had to work around it.”

Frank pulled me into a careful hug, rubbing my back slowly. “Oh baby. I'll always try my hardest to make you comfortable. I promise..”

I buried my face in his neck, surprised to feel the tears pricking at my eyes and the tightness in my throat. I squeezed my eyes shut and dug my nails into Frank's back lightly. 

“Thank you.”

“You're always welcome, baby. Now, we need to eat breakfast cause I need to go change my shirt in a minute and put a tie on. I made chocolate chip pancakes, is that okay?”

“S’perfect,” I sniffed, letting go of Frank before blinking and gently grabbing his arm. He'd bandaged the bite mark with a medical pad and tightly wrapped gauze. 

“Is it okay?”

“Yeah, baby,” Frank soothed quickly, kissing my cheek as he led me to the table. “It's not that deep, it's barely bleeding anymore, but I have to put a white shirt on and I didn't wanna take any chances.” 

“Okay..”

I sat down and started to eat quickly, blinking happily. Frank always made amazing breakfast, and always broke at least one of my mom’s ‘breakfast rules,’ one of which was no chocolate.

Frank reached across the table and stroked my cheek lightly with his fingertips, grinning at me. “You're so beautiful, Gerard. Pete is really sure about us getting this space, so we booked a table at a nice restaurant for a celebration lunch, are you coming? It might be busy..”

I hesitated and he shook his head slightly, still smiling. “You can say no, baby, and I can drop you here, but I'd like you to come..”

I took a breath and nodded slightly. “Okay..”

“We’ll take care of you, I promise. They're supposed to have really nice pasta there, and I think Pete booked a table outside, so it won't be so noisy.”

I smiled a bit and Frank lifted up half of his pancake, transferring it to my plate. “I gotta go get dressed, baby.”

I blinked at the extra food and grinned, starting to slice it up quickly. 

 

The meeting was boring. I sat down next to Frank and played a game on my phone, leaning my head on his shoulder the whole time. When one of the men in suits asked who I was, Frank looked uncomfortable, but answered honestly. “This is my partner, Gerard. His brother died recently and because of his disability, he's staying with me.”

I liked that explanation. It wasn't lying, but it wasn't saying everything either. I wasn't overly good at saying things like that, I tended to either lie completely or just blurt everything out. Frank was better at picking a spot in the middle. 

One of the men in the suits kept staring at me though, and after a lot of hand shaking and Frank and Pete signing papers, I heard the man talking to Pete in hushed tones. 

“What's wrong with that Gerard guy? Is he like-”

Pete looked completely disgusted, stepping back slightly. “Gerard is autistic, he's not ‘like’ anything. He's perfectly fine.”

I wandered over to Frank, grabbing at his arm gently as he chatted to the other suited man. Frank broke off his sentence immediately, glancing down at me. “You okay?”

I shrugged and he sighed, gently taking my hand and squeezing it. “Anyway, what was I saying?”

~

I felt a lot better when we arrived at the restaurant, but I was still clinging to Frank's arm as he led me inside. Pete kept glancing at me every now and then, and suddenly leaned over to whisper something in Frank's ear. He nodded and we followed the waitress to our table. I shivered a bit as I glanced around at all the people, suddenly feeling very naked. Frank seemed to notice, slipping his suit jacket off and placing it over my shoulders as I sat down. “I'll go get your hoodie, baby..”

He was walking off immediately and Pete sat down in front of me, smiling. “Did you hear that guy..?”

I nodded and he sighed, reaching across the table to take my hands. I jerked them away quickly and Pete frowned. “You know I wouldn't...I don't think like that about you, right? I mean, we haven't known each other long and I know nothing about autism, but I do respect you. You make Frank really happy, and I don't really care what else you do or don't do. I think you're...you're really special, Gerard.”

I nodded slightly, looking down. “You didn't say mean things about me, it was the other guy.”

Pete relaxed a bit and smiled. “Yeah. I just didn't want you to think that I agreed with him at all. That guy wasn't very nice.”

“I did not like him.”

“But uh...maybe we should think about something else. Something cheery. Have you sold any more art lately?”

I felt my shoulders drop slightly and exhaled. This was an easy subject. “Yes, my last commission was one thousand eight hundred, and my last sale was one thousand nine hundred and thirty.”

Pete blinked and nodded quickly. “That's amazing, Gerard! Well done!”

I smiled shyly and shrugged, just as Frank came back and sat down next to me. “Here ya go, baby..”

I gave his jacket back and he handed me the hoodie, helping me pull it on and then fixing my hair for me. “There. Perfect. Do you know what you wanna drink?”

I nodded.

“Water?”

“Yes.”

Frank chuckled and pulled me into a brief kiss, then looked over at Pete. “Sorry, Gerard likes it when I order for him. Are you ready to start this project?”

“Fuck yes,” Pete grinned. “We have so much to do, though. Are you gonna be helping us, Gerard?”

I blinked, surprised by the question. I'd expected to be left out of the conversation as I always had been when I was with Mikey and one of his friends. “Frank still doesn't trust me on my own, so yes, probably.”

Pete chuckled and Frank rolled his eyes, squeezing my hand gently. “Baby, you don't have to come..”

I shrugged, smiling at the table. “I like being with you.”

Pete grinned. “Well, I was wondering if you were gonna help more with the interior design and stuff, since we're trying to cater to people with disabilities like autism as well as physical disabilities, it would be really great to have some of your input.”

I glanced at Frank and he smiled at me brightly. “I was gonna talk to you about it this evening, I'd really love it if you could help us out.”

“Okay.”

Frank kissed my nose and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “Perfect.”

“You should ask my psychologist to help,” I said suddenly, glancing at Pete before looking down at the table again. “Lindsey knows more about things than I do. Like, I know what I like and don't like, but she knows about other people, and people with Down syndrome and things like that, that I don't know about.”

Frank grinned and brushed my hair behind my ears. “That's a great idea, I'll ask her later.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to stop writing smut tbh I just find it so awkward lately idek why.   
> Anyway I didn't really edit this cause I'm in a bit of a rush. It's my 18th birthday today and I have to fit in family phone calls to the States, which is really awkward with the time difference.  
> I'm not ready to be an adult lol  
> Sorry for that piece of useless info and have a good day! <3


	17. Chapter 17

Gerard was asleep with his head on my lap, his body relaxed as Pete and I went through checklists and spreadsheets, trying to figure out what we needed to start doing and what the steps would look like. Gerard had drawn some concept sketches for the interior design, with some help from Dr. Ballato, or Lindsey, as he always called her. 

I really liked the ideas and the colors he'd chosen, and Pete was on board, it was just now a question of getting everything ready to start building in the space. I'd also contacted some physical therapists about setting up in the gym, and I'd found a couple who seemed excited by the idea of a brand new space and clients. 

Now we just needed some contractors. 

~~~

Gerard was crying. 

I sat up, fumbling to turn the bedside lamp on. “Gee? Baby?”

He sniffed, his back facing me as he shook slightly. I leaned over him, rubbing his upper arm soothingly. “Hey, cuddlebug. What's wrong, huh? You want a hug?”

Gerard nodded quickly, sitting up and flinging his arms around my neck. I hugged back tightly, rocking him slowly. “Oh baby. I've got you. Shhh.”

I stroked his hair over and over as he cried into my chest, trying to comfort him and completely failing. 

“That's it,” I murmured as he began to calm down about ten minutes later. “That's it...it's alright, Gerard, let me help you with whatever the problem is. Tell me what's going on, baby. I love you, y'know..so much..”

He shivered a bit and I laid down slowly, gently pulling him after me. “Come on. Come cuddle, yeah?” 

Gerard buried his face in my side, clinging to my shirt lightly. “I'm sorry..”

“What for, baby?”

“Being sad.”

“Well, I'd feel better if you told me what was going on,” I pressed gently, brushing his hair out of his face. “But you don't need to be sorry, not really.”

“I d-don't like change..” Gerard mumbled, embarrassed. “I d-don't know what's gonna change at the moment..”

“Cause of the business?” I asked softly, stroking his hair back from his face and running my fingertips down his cheek. 

“Yeah..”

“What are you worried about changing, baby? What don't you want to change?” I rolled onto my side to face him, holding one of his hands and rubbing his side slowly. “What's scaring you in particular?”

“Well..” Gerard took a deep, slightly unsteady breath. “I'm scared you'll be really busy and we won't have time for...us. For you...it's different for you, Frank. You're handsome and fit and like...you're normal. You'll always have someone to love you and be with you, I'm not...I don't think I could ever lose you because I don't think I'd ever get this kind of relationship again.”

I chuckled softly and kissed Gerard's forehead. “Gerard, this is my first time in a real relationship too, it's okay. I understand, baby, I know. You wanna hang on to me like I wanna hang on to you. I'm not going anywhere, baby. And I'm gonna be taking you to work with me a lot anyway..”

He sniffed and I wrapped my arms around him tightly, rubbing his back slowly. “I love you, Gerard. I really really do love you, and that's not gonna change just because I'm gonna be a little busy. I promise.”

“Swear?”

“Yeah, I swear, baby..” I kissed his cheek again, stroking his hair as he sighed. 

Gerard pulled away after about half a minute and smiled at me shyly. 

“What else is worrying you?” I hummed, brushing my knuckles down his chest. “What else can I help with?”

He blinked and sighed. “I don't know...I just. I don't really have a proper job. I still don't feel ready to go to university..”

“You feel like you should be doing something with yourself?”

“Yeah..”

I pecked Gerard's lips, tucking his hair behind his ear. “Mm. Well. I can offer you a job, if you want. But you don't really need it. You're still doing so well with your art, you don't really need a ‘proper’ job, baby..”

Gerard grinned slowly, his nose wrinkling slightly. “What kind of job?”

“Probably a receptionist,” I smiled, stroking my hand over his cheek, just loving touching his warm, smooth skin. “Checking people in and doing schedules and stuff..”

Gerard looked away, taking a deep breath. “I'm not sure about-”

“We'd give you some training, like how to use the computer and stuff. And we're planning to have cards people scan on the way in, so all you'd really have to do is book appointments and show people where things are. I'm sure you'd be great at it, Gee.”

His smile came back slightly and he nodded, taking a deep breath. “I'm...I'm. Okay. I'll try it.”

“Alright. How about when we get the desk and computer systems and stuff, I'll get Pete to show you how to use it and we can have people come and test you, how about that? Before you do it for real so you can decide if you're comfortable with it or not.” 

Gerard shifted closer to me again, kissing my chest. “Perfect.”

“Good. But you gotta tell me this stuff, baby. Instead of crying about it by yourself, you can just tell me and I'll talk you through it, yeah? Promise you'll talk to me more?”

“Promise.”

~~~

Gerard was laying against my chest, his head resting comfortably on my shoulder. 

“Is this what you like to do when you're alone?” 

Gerard nodded slowly, nuzzling my jaw. “It's better with you.”

We were laying in the bathtub I’d never used before, the lights dimmed and candles flickering around the edges. Gerard was probably the most relaxed I'd ever seen him without a cigarette in his hand, and the hot water felt good lapping at my chest. 

Gerard shifted and sank down into the water a little, letting out a tiny sigh. 

I'd decided that I needed to spend more quality time with him after his little moment over the new business, and this had been the first thing he’d come up with. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

Gerard was starting to get a little sleepy now and my hands were getting a little pruny, so I tapped his shoulder gently. 

“Gee. How about bed?”

“Mm, okay..”

He slipped off my lap and stood up, bending down in front of me to pull the plug. I felt a stirring between my legs and winced, trying to ignore it without much success. Gerard reached over suddenly, scooping me up and transferring me to my chair with a slight bump before handing me a towel. I dried off happily, watching Gerard do the same and trying not to look at any of the areas my eyes kept wandering to. 

“Frankie?”

“Mm?”

“Have you ever had a blowjob before?” Gerard asked casually, just bending down to lift me into my wheelchair. 

“Nope.”

“Would you like one?”

“Um...yeah, if you're sure..” 

Gerard grinned and kissed me as soon as he'd gotten me settled in my chair. “I am.”

 

Gerard climbed over me, rubbing my chest slowly as I tried to find a comfortable spot on the pillows. “Are you nervous?”

I blinked at him and nodded slightly. He grinned almost triumphantly, then leaned down to kiss me softly. “I'll take care of you, Frankie.” 

“I trust you..”

Gerard ran his hands down my body as he backed up, then gently spread my legs and knelt in between them, rubbing my stomach slowly. 

“It's okay, Frank,” he said a little clumsily, flashing me a brief smile. “I know what I'm doing.”

I almost laughed, but bit it back to just smile at him. He leaned down suddenly, nibbling at the inside of one of my thighs lightly. The heat of his breath against my semi made my whole body tingle as he slowly kissed, licked, and sucked his way towards my crotch, leaving a line of slightly red skin as he went. When he finally reached my cock, I was starting to get a little impatient, and gasped as Gerard immediately grabbed me and buried his nose in my stomach, his throat opening easily and letting me in all the way. 

“Ohh...ohh fuck..”

Gerard smirked around me and pulled off enough to start working around my head. He kept one hand fairly tight around the base of my shaft, massaging my balls lightly with the other. I grabbed onto the sheets at this point, already a groaning, melting mess as Gerard swirled his tongue around me, dipping into my slit occasionally before suddenly dropping back down again and letting me slide into his throat. 

“F-fuck!” I cried softly, grabbing for the back of his head gently as I bucked up a little. 

Gerard just smiled around me and started to bob his head quickly, sliding up about halfway and then taking me all the way back with each movement. I let my hand slide into his hair slowly and started to push on the back of his head to keep him down longer each time, then began to buck into his mouth, my pace slowly increasing until I was essentially fucking Gerard's throat, groaning each time he swallowed around me and praising him breathlessly. 

I warned him excessively and slipped my hand from his hair when I felt myself spill over the edge. Gerard sank all the way down and took it directly down his throat quite happily, in fact making soft noises of enjoyment as he swallowed around my sensitive cock.

He moved back up to gently suck and nibble at my tip, making sure to get every last little bit of cum he could before collapsing next to me, his own cock hard and heavy between his legs. 

“Gerard...I can um. Take care of you if you want,” I suggested quietly, purring as he snuggled up to me. 

He grinned and pressed his erection against the outside of my thigh, rolling his hips ever so slightly. “Please.” 

I nodded and sat up a little unsteadily, feeling the overwhelming desire to pleasure Gerard just as he had done for me as I wrenched the bedside drawer open. I tugged out lube, two condoms, my vibrator, and a flesh light. I tossed them all onto the bed and got up onto my knees, rolling Gerard onto his back to start with. I rubbed his spine slowly, murmuring to him as I ripped open a condom packet and rolled the first condom onto the vibrating plug. 

“I'm gonna make you feel so good, baby. So so good..”

I lubed up my fingers and plunged one into him without warning, grinning as he gasped and rolled back against my finger, begging for more silently. I slipped another finger in and started to scissor them as Gerard writhed a little, whining loudly. 

“That's it,” I mumbled as I let my fingers slide from him, then turned the vibrator on on low and guided Gerard to lift his hips just a little. I pressed the end of the vibrator against the spot behind Gerard's balls, causing him to cry out and attempt to fuck the mattress, his body twisting and his fingers tightening on the sheets. 

“That's it,” I soothed, kissing his tailbone and turning the vibration off before lubing up the plug and pushing it into him quickly, in one movement. Gerard gasped and shifted slightly, then relaxed easily. “Mm. S’a really nice shape..”

“Yeah, this is my favorite,” I mumbled shyly, gently turning him over onto his back. “It sits in the right place and it just feels really right, even though it's kinda big.”

I stroked Gerard's thighs for a while, noticing he seemed a bit shaky and just trying to calm him down. Once he’d stopped shaking, he began to open his legs a little like an invitation. 

“Mm. You're so beautiful, Gerard,” I murmured, spreading lube over his length slowly. “I'm gonna make you cum so hard. Just try and relax..”

I reached over and grabbed the vibrator remote, flicking it up to three. Gerard's whole body jerked and he rolled his head back shakily, tensing. 

“Shh, relax,” I murmured, sliding the flashlight down over his erection and rubbing around his base with my fingers. “Enjoy yourself, I've got you..”

 

Gerard screamed as he thrust up into the flesh light, cumming with his back arched and his body shuddering. I turned the vibrations up for a few seconds, causing him to squeal again before turning it off and quickly starting to clean up my shaking puddle of a boyfriend.  

As soon as I laid down next to him, he melted against my chest, letting out a happy sigh. “I love you, Frank.”

“I love you too, Gee. I'm so glad I can make you feel good like that.”

“Mmm. M’tired. I won’...I..”

He drifted off slowly, still muttering to himself softly. 

“I've got you. I'm taking care of you,” I soothed, stroking his forehead and smiling down at him as his breathing slowed. “Cutie pie..” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while, I've done my usual trick of starting a new story before I've finished my old one so I'm juggling them at the moment. Updates might be a little slow with this one for a while, but it's because I want to finish it properly, not just end it because I have a new story.   
> Anyway, I'm also sorry it's a bit short, but I'll try and update again Wednesday evening. I'll put a warning up on the chapter itself as well, but just letting you know that the next chapter has some fairly graphic details again.   
> Thanks for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the stuff in italics is fairly graphic, you can easily skip it as there's a brief description of the dream later on :) It's about Gerard finding Mikey plus some extra weird dream crap.

Gerard

 

_ The front door creaked as I pushed it open, fiddling with the stamps in my pocket. “Mikey?” I called out, excited. I unlaced my shoes and kicked them off, frowning a bit.  _

_ “Mikey?” _

_ I hurried down the hall, poking my head into his bedroom. I had my hood drawn up to stop the light drizzle from getting to my hair, but it also blocked a lot of my peripheral vision.  _

_ “Mikey?” _

_ He wasn't at his desk or in bed, and I felt a ball of heavy panic starting to swirl in my stomach. “Mikey?” _

_ I turned and walked down the hall again, checking in my bedroom and the bathroom. I went to walk into the kitchen and the whole world fell out from under my feet.  _

_ Mikey was on the floor, blood still oozing out around him as he lay there. I fell to my knees, grabbing one of his wrists and trying to find a pulse. After a few seconds, I moved up to his neck frantically, my hands shaking so badly I could barely keep them still. There was no heartbeat. I grabbed his hand, shaking my head as I gently tugged at it. “M-Mikey…no, you can't...you can't leave me, Mikey, come on….it's...it's just one shot, right? People survive...M-Mikey?” _

_ I tried to wipe the blood off his face with my sleeve, begging him unintelligibly to just breathe again, force his heart to beat again. I slid my hands over his cheeks, trying to lift his head and sobbing dryly as blood spilled over my hands. I nearly dropped him, but managed to set his head back down carefully before scrambling away from him. I backed up into the hall, shaking as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I dropped it a couple times before managing to press on Frank's contact.  _

_ It rang to voicemail, and I tried to leave a message, but couldn't force the words out, so I just tapped the call button again.  _

_ It rang out again and I froze as I heard a noise from the kitchen. I tried to dial 911 and my phone died, leaving only the landline, which was on the counter by the sink. I peered around the end of the hall to look into the kitchen and my whole body turned to ice. Mikey was gone.  _

_ The pool of blood was still there, but now with footprints in it.  _

_ “It's your fucking fault, Gerard, all of this. If you weren't like this, I’d still be alive..” _

_ I turned slowly and screamed. Mikey was standing by the front door, blood running down his neck in rivulets, his hands hanging by his sides limply. “It's your fucking fault..” _

_ I screamed again and again and again.  _

 

 

“Gerard! Jesus fucking Christ!” 

Frank grabbed onto me as I kept screaming, my whole body shuddering as he tried to hold onto me. I shoved him away, clapping my hands over my ears and digging my fingernails into my head as I rocked back and forth, sobbing forcefully. Frank threw a blanket around my shoulders, starting to rub my back slowly, his hands shaking as he tried to brush the tears off my cheeks. “Gerard..” He murmured in a muffled voice. “Gerard, baby...it's alright, Gerard, it's alright..”

I tried to listen to him, I tried to calm down, but I couldn't breathe and I couldn't think. All I could do was moan and rock and sob. 

Frank just sat next to me, rubbing my back and talking to me softly until I could start to breathe again, and I could start to get the images out of my head. I could still hear Mikey's voice in my head every now and then, and every time it popped up, I started to scream again until I couldn't hear it anymore. Frank jumped every time I screamed, but after a couple times he seemed to understand I was doing it for a reason. 

He gently started to pry my hands away from my head, lacing our fingers together and kissing my forehead. “I've got you, Gerard. It was just a dream, baby, I promise. I'm not gonna let anything hurt you. Shh. Can you talk to me, sweetie? I know you're scared and I know you can't really handle things completely, but you need to take a few deep breaths and talk to me. I promise it will make you feel better, yeah? I can help you, I can. You just have to talk to me, Gerard. Or listen to me, if you don't feel like talking. Come on...you want a cuddle?”

I fell into Frank's chest, shivering and trembling as he hugged me tightly, letting out a soft sigh of relief. “That's it. Shh. Was it a scary nightmare? Or an upsetting one?”

“B-both,” I choked out softly, grabbing at his arms and digging my nails into his skin. “I c-can't..”

“I know, it's okay. Take a deep breath. Why don't we go into the kitchen and make a snack? Does hot chocolate sound nice? We can watch some cartoons too, that's what I do when I have nightmares. They're a good distraction..”

I nodded slightly, shaking as I clung to Frank. “D-don't go..”

“I'm not going anywhere, baby. I promise. Hold onto my hand, yeah? I've gotta put my prosthetics on, alright? I've got you.” 

I glanced at the clock and winced, sniffling a bit. “I'm sorry for waking you..”

Frank followed my eyeline and sighed. “Gerard, you woke up an hour and a half ago, baby.” 

“What?”

He smiled at me and brushed my hair behind my ears before turning away to grab his liners. “It's okay.” 

“It's not.”

“Well, we might have some neighbors coming up to see if we’re okay, but I don't mind, baby. I just hate seeing you so upset, that's all..”

He rubbed my knee lightly before standing up slowly. “Come on. Hot chocolate time, and I'm sure I have some of those cookies you like somewhere..”

I grabbed onto his hand, slipping off the bed and shifting as close to him as I could get. 

“Shh, Gerard. I’m not going anywhere,” Frank soothed, rubbing my shoulder slowly. “It's okay.”

“Promise you'll never leave me?” I mumbled, sniffling as Frank got two mugs down from the cupboard. 

“I swear, Gee. I'll never leave you,” he murmured, kissing my forehead softly. “I'll always love you and be here for you.” 

I nodded slightly, clinging to him and watching him as he worked slowly, filling a saucepan with milk and starting to heat it up. When he'd finally finished stirring the powder in, he reached into a different cupboard and found a packet of cookies, handing them to me. “There we go. I'll take your mug for you, you're still shaking,” Frank murmured, smiling at me as he led me into the living room. 

I nodded and sat down on the couch, leaning into Frank as soon as he sat down next to me. 

“You want me to open that?” He asked gently, gesturing to the cookie packet. I nodded slightly and handed it to him, looking down at my hands as they shook in my lap. He opened the packet and pulled one of the cookies out, handing it to me. “There. The sugar might help with the shakiness.”

I nodded, taking a tiny bite and sniffling a bit as I chewed. Frank kept stroking my hair, brushing it behind my ears and running the backs of his fingers down my cheek. 

“Can you tell me what it was about?” Frank pressed softly, as I was finishing the cookie. I nodded slightly and he picked up one of the mugs, helping me hold it steady as I took a couple sips. 

“I dreamed over the….morning I found Mikey...but. It was different, this time. When I tried to call you again...it d-didn't go th-through...so I tried to call 911 a-and my phone died..”

Frank put the mug down and pulled me into a delicate, soothing hug, his hand running up and down my side. 

“So I looked into the k-kitchen cause I wanted to go get the landline...a-and Mikey was g-gone..”

Frank blinked, squeezing me slightly. 

“I heard him…he said what M-Mum did in the c-cafe...that it was my fault a-and it was all because of my autism. He s-said it to me, Frankie...a-and I couldn't stop screaming. I wanted him to stop and he k-kept saying it..”

Frank pressed his forehead against my temple, his nose brushing my cheek as I tried to stifle the sobs. “Shh, Gee. Shh,” Frank soothed, starting to rock me slightly and pulling me half into his lap. “Shh. Mikey would never have said that to you, baby. I promise, he loved you so so much. It wasn't your fault in any way, baby. I promise. There's things that Pete and I could have done differently, but there's nothing that you could have done, Gerard. Really. And the way you are has nothing to do with any of this, your mother is an idiot and a mean person.”

“I kn-know, b-but it hurt..” I whimpered, looking down at my lap. Frank sighed and gently guided me to rest my head on the front of his shoulder, my forehead against his neck. “I understand, baby. I understand. It's over now, though. There's nothing for you to be ashamed of or scared of. Come on..”

He leaned forward, picking up the hot chocolate mug and cookie packet and handing me the mug. “Drink up, baby. I'll take you back to bed soon, yeah? You need to at least rest, even if you don't sleep.” 

“Okay..”

 

I woke up on my side in my bedroom, my favorite blanket draped over me. I could hear noises down the hall, and Frank's rough voice as he sang to himself quietly. It smelled like fresh pasta, and I felt my stomach growl. 

“Frankie?”

The noises paused and I called again, hearing footsteps coming down the hall immediately after. Frank poked his head around the door and smiled at me. “Hey. I moved you in here cause I had to change the sheets.”

“Oh.”

“Are you alright?”

“Can I have a kiss?”

“Of course..”

Frank walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed, gently taking one of my hands before leaning down and pressing a light kiss to my lips. “You feeling okay?”

“A bit...empty.”

He nodded and fixed my hair carefully. “Yeah, I'm not surprised after last night. It's nearly two in the afternoon, you've been asleep since five a.m.”

“I'm sorry, I-”

I made a move to get up, but Frank gently pushed me back. “It's fine, Gerard. You're always really tired after getting upset, it seemed best to let you sleep. If you wanna get up now, that's fine, but you don't have to, okay?”

I nodded slightly and squeezed Frank's hand lightly. “I'm gonna have a bath.”

“M'kay. Leave the door unlocked though, yeah? I might come sit with you when I'm done cooking.”

“Okay.” 

 

Frank pulled up his chair next to the tub, brushing my damp hair back from my face. “Are you enjoying your bath?”

I smiled, leaning my head back against the tiles and looking up at the ceiling. “Yeah. M’still tired, though.”

“I bet. You wanna watch a movie with me this evening? I've made pasta, but it's drying, and I'm gonna cook it all at around five..”

“Mm. I could do with some cuddles..”

“Of course, baby,” Frank hummed, leaning down to kiss me briefly. “We’re gonna go down to the gym tomorrow to get the contractors going, I'm gonna have to take you with me, but I'll sit you in a quiet corner with your headphones, I promise.”

“Okay..”

I shifted a bit, curling up slightly as Frank stroked over my cheek slowly. “You're so beautiful, Gee. I love you, y'know.”

“I love you too,” I mumbled sleepily, leaning my head against his hand. “I wanna...I feel restless..”

“Yeah? What d’you wanna do?”

“I dunno. Draw, maybe..”

Frank chuckled and leaned over, kissing my temple softly. “Mm. Okay, sweetie. Whatever you wanna do.”

“Mm. I'm gonna get out now..”

Frank stepped back, grabbing a towel and holding it up for me as he moved the chair out of the way. I got up carefully, taking the towel as Frank kept his eyes averted politely. As soon as I'd wrapped the fluffy fabric around my body, he kissed my cheek and slipped out of the room, mumbling something about ‘checking on the food.’ I dried off and slipped into my pajamas, then wandered into my room and sat down at my desk with a soft sigh. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short again guys, I'm running out of steam on this one tbh. I hope you're all still enjoying it...


	19. Chapter 19

I held Gerard's hand as I walked him through the cemetery, my thumb running over his fingers slowly. He kept trailing behind me slightly, looking worried, so I stopped and gently pulled him closer to me, slipping my arm around his waist instead.

“You okay?”

“Not really. I don't like cemeteries.”

I sighed and squeezed him gently. “Alright. It's just over there, not much further..”

I led Gerard over to the headstone, but as soon as he could read it, he stopped dead, staring at it as his hands started to shake. 

“Gerard, it's-”

I reached out to touch him and he slapped my hand away, turning to walk off. I caught him by his hip, pulling him back gently and hugging him tightly just as he burst into tears, burying his face in my neck. 

“Oh Gee,” I murmured softly, stroking his back slowly. “It's okay, baby. It's okay. Come on...how about we go set the flowers down? There's a bench just over there, we can go sit..”

Gerard nodded slightly and pulled away, drying his cheeks on his sleeve shakily. I kept a hand on the small of his back, leading him all the way over to the stone and crouching down. I set the flowers down carefully, sighing to myself softly. 

“Happy Birthday, Mikey. We miss you..”

Gerard sniffed and I stood up, taking his hand carefully and smiling at him sadly as I walked him to the bench. He threw himself down, pulling his hand from mine as he stared out over the graveyard. 

“Gee..”

He turned to look at me and I rested my hand on his cheek, running my thumb under his eye to catch a tear as it fell. 

“I'm here, baby,” I murmured, and Gerard fell against my side, resting his head on my shoulder. I smiled and wrapped my arm around his waist tightly, holding him together. 

“I wanna move. Away.”

I blinked and squeezed him lightly. “Why?”

“I can't stand it anymore. Living where he did. I can walk to the apartment he died in from our house. I don't like visiting people in cemeteries. Mikey's gone, and I want to move on. I need to move on.”

“Gerard, I can't just pick up and move, baby. And I'm not sure I want to move away.” 

“But I do.”

I sighed and kissed the top of his head, rubbing his chest lightly with my other hand. “I know, baby, but I have the gym...I’ll miss visiting Mikey...we need to talk about this more.”

“We are now.”

I closed my eyes for a second or two, then sighed again. “Gee. I love you very much, we will work something out. But not right now. Today is Mikey's birthday and I want to remember him.”

“I don't.”

“What do you mean?” I mumbled, reminding myself over and over to not take anything he said personally. 

“I mean that remembering him is fucking painful. I don't want to forget him, but just sitting here and remembering that my brother was murdered is my idea of Hell. Can we  _ please  _ go home?”

“Yeah,” I muttered quietly, dropping the car keys into Gerard's lap. “Go ahead, I'll be there in a minute.”

“Okay..”

He got up quickly, and I watched him walk away, my chest tight and heavy. 

~~~~

Gerard was asleep in bed, sprawled out with his head on the pillow. I wandered out of the room again, walking back down the hall to pace in the kitchen. The new house in Pennsylvania didn't feel like home yet, and I was jealous of Gerard. He'd fallen asleep the second his head had hit the pillow. The second gym would be opening in a week and Pete was doing a fantastic job running the one in New Jersey. I walked into the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of water and sipping at it just as I felt a hand on my back. 

“Come to bed.”

I set the glass down as Gerard ran his hands up my sides and over my back. “I can't sleep.”

“I didn't say anything about sleeping,” he giggled softly, then kissed the back of my neck lightly. “Come on, Frankie. I love you, please? At least come cuddle with me, the bed’s too cold..”

I turned and couldn't help but smile at Gerard. He seemed so relaxed, his grin showing off his tiny teeth and the waistband of his boxers low on his hips. His whole body radiated calm, in a way I'd never seen before, even when he was smoking. He leaned against me and I wrapped my arms around him automatically, letting him kiss over my jaw and neck softly. 

“I love you, Frankie,” he murmured again softly. “I love you. You do so much for me, let me do something for you..”

I gently pushed his wandering hands away and hugged him a little tighter. “I love you too, Gee, but I'm not in the mood, baby..”

I let go and took his hand, starting to walk him back to bed as he tripped slightly, shuffling sleepily. 

“Come on..” I helped him climb under the covers and took my prosthetics off quickly before crawling in next to him. He grinned at me tiredly and I kissed him quickly. 

“Mm. Love you, you look exhausted. Get some more rest, baby..”

Gerard purred and cuddled up to my chest, letting my legs tangle with his as he nuzzled the front of my shoulder. I wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him even closer to me, my whole body starting to relax as Gerard began to drift off. 

“It's okay, baby,” I murmured one last time, before I closed my eyes and buried my face in his soft black hair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm sorry it's mega short, but I needed to finish this off and I decided that short and sweet was better than trying to force it and draw it out. I'm really grateful for all the support on this fic and thanks to everyone who read it. I hope you enjoyed it!   
> I'm working on something right now that I like, but I'm not sure you guys will lol. No one besides me likes MIW/MCR crossovers unfortunately. I may post it at some point, still working on a title at the moment, and I want to make sure I'm really excited about it before I put it up.   
> In any case, have a good day/night and thanks for reading!  
> ~Logan <3


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